Did I handle this right? Volunteering at my son's school-UPDATE post #18!

[nakedbabytoes]

I volunteer at my son's school every other month for a day. I wish I could do more but I do home childcare and hate to inconvience my other parents much. Anyway, at lunch we got "assigned" to sit at a round table with 8 other kids(this is normal). Well, the kid next to my son kept saying "Whoever doesn't like Jonah(my son), put your hand in(in front of the tray, towards the middle of the table)!" or "If you think Jonah is ugly, put your hand in!"
This happened about 4-5 times and my son says, with tears, "Mom, they are making fun of me." So not wanting to be overprotective yet do something, I told him to switch me places so I was sitting between him and the kid.
Thinking just my adult presence would fix it.
Nope.
He said it again. I looked at him but didn't say anything. I did give him "THAT" look.
So he started to say it again. This time mama bear came out and I said "Dude, seriously! Stop it and just eat your lunch."
And he started to talk again "But I..."
I said "Seriously, move on and just eat your lunch."
He didn't say another word the whole time. Not to me or anyone else.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't think he was being nice. But do you tattle on him to the teachers or handle it yourself? Did I just make it worse?
The reason I didn't say anything intitally the first few times he said it was I wanted to see how my son handled it. Let him decide. Then I switched places thinking that would stop it without getting too involved.
But that's exactly what I ended up doing anyway.
So now I feel like I didn't do any of it right.
Usually volunteering at school isn't this stressful!

[Tiffer23]

Your nicer than me, I'd have taken the kid out. lol. No, that's really hard though. I think you did the right thing. I'd have had issues being that nice to him, I cannot stand mean kids, be that directed at my child or anyone elses. I know it's typical kid stuff, but it hurts feelings. :(

[boy-oh-boy]

I think you handled it fine. You didn't name-call, turn it on him, etc. Asked him to stop, quickly and to the point. He did. I don't think there's any need to bring it up to the teacher. If he had responded disrespectfully, I definitely would have, though.

[boomer]

Good job. I probably would have taken it a step further and said a couple of words about hurting other people with his words or something to that effect. Also, I might email the teacher and let her know that while you handled it, ask her to keep an eye on the situation to make sure it doesn't continue/get out of hand.

[S Starr]

I think that was a pretty good response. Thinking it over at leisure, not being in that situation, I'm thinking that another option would have been to try to give Jonah words to say. Of course, the best I can come up with isn't great! Something like, "Is that hurting your feelings, Jonah? If someone was hurting my feelings, I think I would tell them so and ask them to stop -- and if they couldn't stop, I would ignore them until they spoke more respectfully."

It also would make a difference how the other kids were reacting.... would your son then have been ignoring just the table troublemaker, or everybody?

Bottom line -- What you did worked! Don't feel bad! <g>

[WhatWasIThinking]

The first time I think I would have said something like "excuse me, we are here to eat lunch not be mean/a bully/etc.". Maybe give the teacher a heads up too because it is bullying.

[Marbie]

I think what you said was really good. Just stop and move on. Very cool-headed! I would ask your son if this happens a lot. If it does, talk to the teacher. (You could even talk to him/her about bullying in general if you wanted.) If it was a one-time thing, I would not bother the teacher about it.

Good luck!

[smbaliff]

I think you handled it fine but I think you should also talk to the teacher. You don't know how often this happens when you're not there to handle it.

[4dramamama]

I completely agree that you should inform the teacher of exactly what happened. It will make it easier for her to notice a pattern of behavior that she otherwise might not be looking for. Bullying is serious.

[Rollins4]

I think you handled it fine. You didn't name-call, turn it on him, etc. Asked him to stop, quickly and to the point. He did. I don't think there's any need to bring it up to the teacher. If he had responded disrespectfully, I definitely would have, though.


I agree!!

[ajanele]

:hugs: to you & Jonah, I hate seeing my lo's get their feelings hurt. I think you handled it well.

[nakedbabytoes]

Thanks mamas!
If I had known I was gonna have to get involved, I would have said something from the start(I had hoped that the children would handle it appropriately, so I waited) So I feel badly that I didn't put a stop to it right away, like I didnt do a very good job of protecting my son. And I felt like I should have said something about it not being very nice or appropriate to vote if you like someone because it hurts other's feelings. So I didn't feel like I used the opportunity to teach compassion.
But I did keep my cool(boy, is that hard!) and I let it go after I said my peace. And he stopped. So it wasn't a total failure.
I thank all of you for your honest opinions. I will speak to his teacher about the incident, so she is aware.
Good advice, ladies!

[Hands&Fire Pottery]

Wow that is pretty bold with mom right there! I would definitely want to know as the teacher (or school admin, depending on who is in charge of lunch) in this situation.

[aecryan]

I think you did great! I would also contact the teacher with a simple heads up email.

I went to lunch with my odd and witnessed some bullying. Student A told student B to steal student C's cupcake. Student B took it handed it to student A. Student A took several bites and then passed it back down. Meanwhile student C is crying. These are first graders! Anywho, I tattled. I told the lunch monitor, because IMHO, that just isn't right. If this behavior goes unnotice and unaddressed now, it will escalate.

[luvsviola]

You were much nicer than I would have been as a teacher. I would have kicked the kid out of the table and made him eat by himself.

Definitely tell the teacher. I'm sure he/she already knows, but it is good to have it documented. Plus, teachers feel more comfortable confronting the other kid's parents when other adults have seen the same behavior.

[schmoopee]

You were much nicer than I would have been as a teacher. I would have kicked the kid out of the table and made him eat by himself.

Definitely tell the teacher. I'm sure he/she already knows, but it is good to have it documented. Plus, teachers feel more comfortable confronting the other kid's parents when other adults have seen the same behavior.

As a teacher I totally agree with this. :thumbsup:

I think you did just fine, it's awkward to discipline other people's kids when you are in a volunteer position. But yes don't feel you shouldn't "tattle" to the teacher, we do like to document this stuff to show a pattern of behaviour, and this was a pretty clear-cut case of bullying to me. :hugs:

[FallBabies]

I'd say you handled it great, but go ahead and let the teacher know as well. Not only was this boy being a bully, but he was doing it right in front of an adult. It's one thing for kids to tend to do these kinds of things when they are alone, but the fact that he is willing to keep it up right in front of you makes me think he potentially has some issues that need to be dealt with. You certainly don't need to try to get into any details about the kid w/ the teacher, but just inform her by email or in person of what you observed, and just let her know you thought it might be good for her to be made aware of it.

Good job keeping your cool. Hopefully this was just a one time thing!

[nakedbabytoes]

I talked to the teacher today and before I even got the whole story out, she said "Gol darn it, Dylan!"
I hadn't even said his name yet.
She said it's an ongoing issue with him being not so nice to others. She thanked me for the info...
Again, great DS mama advice!
I did tell her I used the mama bear voice though, and I was sorry for that part. She said that was okay if it got him to stop. Maybe my mama voice might do him some good. So she says.
Thanks again ladies

[debmom2boyz]

It's hard mama. My mama voice came out earlier this year when some one made a comment about my son's skin color. In my mind I'm thinking, this kid must not realize I'm the boy's mom! Uggggg (little I did I know that the color of my son's skin was going to be such an issue this year).

Yes, always tell the teacher. She can write it down for record keeping reasons. Also, the boy could have gone home and said you yelled at him...and then the teacher wouldn't have known what happened.

Hugs.....hopefully Dylan will figure out how to speak to others!

[Sydsmom]

Aw :( kids are sooo mean these days, I think you handled it very well

[ChicanaCoqueta]

The first time I think I would have said something like "excuse me, we are here to eat lunch not be mean/a bully/etc.". Maybe give the teacher a heads up too because it is bullying.

I think what you said was really good. Just stop and move on. Very cool-headed! I would ask your son if this happens a lot. If it does, talk to the teacher. (You could even talk to him/her about bullying in general if you wanted.) If it was a one-time thing, I would not bother the teacher about it.

Good luck!

:yeahthat: x2

[Guardandolaluna]

You are much more graceful than me :thumbsup:

[MammaBx3!]

I'd inform their teacher and ask that he/she keep an eye on that boy for his bullying behavior. That is terrible!

[bean3]

I wish more people stood up to bullies. That behavior is simply unacceptable and yet another reason why we homeschool. Not because they will never run into it outside of school, but because they need to be able to stick up for themselves.

My daughter was at practice the other day, and a group of girls told her friend that she was just "showing off" because she was practicing. Apparently this group of girls was trying to make my daughter's friend feel bad. So my daughter, who is no bigger than a minute, walks up to the group of girls and tells them "your evil will come back to haunt you" in her ever-so-serious voice. Good for her for standing up for a friend!

She has no tolerance for bullying, nor should she. I have no tolerance for it either, and I will stop it no matter what situation. If more adults displayed that this behavior is UNACCEPTABLE, they will stop. The kids do it because no one says anything anymore.

[kocho]

Good for you for putting a stop to it. My son has a bully in his class and it can be so hard to deal with. My DS has a hard time being nice to this boy who bullies everyone so we have frequent talks on the issue.