SAHM support thread?

[KristieW]

I'm relatively new around here and tried doing some searching but didn't come up with anything... is there a SAHM support thread around? I've been a SAHM since DD was born in October, and I keep feeling like I need someone who will understand my occasional frustrations. Yes, I realize I'm lucky to be able to stay home, but anytime I say anything negative, people ask me why I don't just go back to work, which is not what I'm looking for.

Anyone? Bueller? ;)

[drocker]

I hear ya, sister! :hugs: What would we possibly have to complain about? Afterall, we just sit at home watching soaps and eating bon bons, right?

Feel free to vent below. Sometimes it just feels good to be heard by others who "get it". Doesn't mean you are a bad mom or that you don't value the gift you've been given to be able to raise your children at home. Just means you need to let off steam every now and then to relieve the built up pressure!

[EmmyLou0331]

I've been looking for something along these lines too. I've never posted about it because I don't want people to think I'm complaining about being able to stay home with my DS but it is very hard and isolating to be home alone all day with a 2 month old. I didn't think it would be this hard or stressful.

[Adyson's Mommy]

Yep I'm with ya! I'm a SAHM and couldn't be happier, but I have days where I wonder if giving up my career was the "right" choice. Mostly cause society plays up the "to be successful in life you must work" idea. But you know what, being a SAHM is an amazing job! My DH comes home after work (I used to work the same job/same company with him) and I get to hear all the drama and crappiness of my former job, and realize I don't miss it at all. But still I gave up my career. Sometimes feel like I'm wasting my 5 years of college and 4 years of work, even though being a SAHM makes me a 100% happier! I've had a friend of mine that I went to college with ask/say that she can't believe I would just give up all my experience to "just" stay home. And I told her, along with everyone else, that I was meant to be a mom WAY more than I was meant to be an engineer!

[harmoni247]

tbh, i think this whole board is pretty much a sahm support thread :giggle2: i know we have alot of wohms here too, but from my impression, the majority are sahm

[Adyson's Mommy]

And not only the career part either. Having a baby is extreamly demanding. There is no such thing as a day off. Even if I have someone else babysit for a few hours, she is all thats on my mind! And she's constantly needing me, not someone else. It seems that I'm the only one that she'll completly calm down for. Which I really do find amazing that something so little can love and want ME so much. But I don't get out, I rarely talk to anyone, and can barely get things done around that house. Sometimes that really gets to me!

[theosmom]

I work part-time, but I hear you! I wish I could work less, but sometimes I get frustrated when I am home with ds. Part of it is the lack of praise--I work I get a paycheck and a thanks from my patients, but at home I get poopy diapers and cranky babies. No one really tells me what a good job I am doing. I sometimes feel like a bad wife too, since I don't get much done around the house. I feel like I should have a perfect house and a perfect meal on the table, but that pretty much never happens, so then I feel guilty.

[Adyson's Mommy]

No one really tells me what a good job I am doing. I sometimes feel like a bad wife too, since I don't get much done around the house. I feel like I should have a perfect house and a perfect meal on the table, but that pretty much never happens, so then I feel guilty.


:yeahthat:
But just remember if you're happy, healthy, and alive, and the same for your LO's, then life is good! We aren't living in the '50's anymore! All the SAHMs are my heroes, I kinda think we're becoming a minority! More power to SAHMs!!!!! :)

[Weezy6703]

tbh, i think this whole board is pretty much a sahm support thread :giggle2: i know we have alot of wohms here too, but from my impression, the majority are sahm

that's what I thought too :blush:

I'd still just post away no matter what you are feeling...there is bound to be people that are experiencing similar situations as you are!! :hugs:

[NessaL_07]

Ill join. I love stayin at home to. However I dont get it from other people. Dh likes to say I do nothing all day. He doesnt do it as bad now, but he has army buddies, and dh likes to pick on me too.

[iggyloo]

I work part-time, but I hear you! I wish I could work less, but sometimes I get frustrated when I am home with ds. Part of it is the lack of praise--I work I get a paycheck and a thanks from my patients, but at home I get poopy diapers and cranky babies. No one really tells me what a good job I am doing. I sometimes feel like a bad wife too, since I don't get much done around the house. I feel like I should have a perfect house and a perfect meal on the table, but that pretty much never happens, so then I feel guilty.

The never ending mama guilt. There always seems to be SOMETHING to feel guilty about. lol.

[MamaAshley]

I'm a SAHM, although I don't feel "lucky to stay home". This is a FULL-time job, I have 4 kids and a baby on the way, a decent sized house to care for, a yard and pool that need care... my DH is lucky he gets to GO to work, lol. I just don't feel the whole "lucky" thing, I LOVE staying home with my kids, but I also wouldn't have had a "large" family if I couldn't stay home. This is a job, and I feel BLESSED to do it, but not lucky. Lucky are those who get a break, get a lunch out with co-workers, get an afternoon coffee break without 4 screaming kids wanting something, lol! I guess I just have a different outlook on it, I don't feel like I need to be thankful to stay home, years ago moms just stayed home and cared for their kids, that was life, they never had to say they felt lucky and fortunate to stay home, and neither do we. We have kids, so we care for them, it's life to me I guess. I love being with my kids and wouldn't go to work right now unless I had to support my family, which DH has covered thankfully. I will go back to work one day though b/c I want to become a midwife and have my own practice, so that dream will come when my kids don't need me as much.

And yes, I think we will always get guilt ever something! I leave my kids every now and then with our sitter and feel guilty....WHY? Because I'm a mother I guess...

[laylaeomommy]

I work part-time, but I hear you! I wish I could work less, but sometimes I get frustrated when I am home with ds. Part of it is the lack of praise--I work I get a paycheck and a thanks from my patients, but at home I get poopy diapers and cranky babies. No one really tells me what a good job I am doing. I sometimes feel like a bad wife too, since I don't get much done around the house. I feel like I should have a perfect house and a perfect meal on the table, but that pretty much never happens, so then I feel guilty.

I used to work part time and quit my job two months ago b/c DH had to go to another state for work. I have been a single SAHM 24 hours a day 7 days a week with no help for two months. Dh has been gone on and off for six months now.

I am getting on DD's nerves and she is getting on mine. I hated my job and love being at home with her but I would love a break now and again. Dh came home on saturday and I have yet to get a break because he had to work all day sunday and hasn't been home today. This new position in his job sucks for me and DD.

Anyway my mom always pushes for me to be a SAHM and his mom thinks I should put her in full time daycare and work two jobs to pay for it if I have to. (She even suggested that I work overnight at walmart to pay for daycare and sleep while she is in daycare, but that MIL rant can go in it's own forum)

Anyways I guess my point is I now know a little of what a military mom might be feeling. Home alone with the kiddos and no DH to help out for long periods of time. So sorry anyone has to go through that.

:hugs:

[cereal527]

I'm a SAHM, although I don't feel "lucky to stay home". This is a FULL-time job, I have 4 kids and a baby on the way, a decent sized house to care for, a yard and pool that need care... my DH is lucky he gets to GO to work, lol. I just don't feel the whole "lucky" thing, I LOVE staying home with my kids, but I also wouldn't have had a "large" family if I couldn't stay home. This is a job, and I feel BLESSED to do it, but not lucky. Lucky are those who get a break, get a lunch out with co-workers, get an afternoon coffee break without 4 screaming kids wanting something, lol! I guess I just have a different outlook on it, I don't feel like I need to be thankful to stay home, years ago moms just stayed home and cared for their kids, that was life, they never had to say they felt lucky and fortunate to stay home, and neither do we. We have kids, so we care for them, it's life to me I guess. I love being with my kids and wouldn't go to work right now unless I had to support my family, which DH has covered thankfully. I will go back to work one day though b/c I want to become a midwife and have my own practice, so that dream will come when my kids don't need me as much.

And yes, I think we will always get guilt ever something! I leave my kids every now and then with our sitter and feel guilty....WHY? Because I'm a mother I guess...

Thank you for saying this. I do have a lot of respect for moms that work outside the home and how they fit it all in, but I often feel the way you do. Being a sahm sometimes feels like we shouldn't complain because we "are so lucky to stay home". But in reality it's hard job and there are days I'd love to go to work just so I can pee by myself and have a few minutes of quiet in the car.

[lunarain25]

Since deciding to stay at home 3 years ago when my second was born, I've always said that going back to work would be easier. I've never had such a demanding, never ending, thankless, job like staying at home. I love staying at home. I do. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my feelings and growing to love being at home. With that said, I miss my career as a special education teacher. I feel that staying at home is "right" for our family and that is why I've made the choice to be at home, but let's face it....it isn't glamorous. I also find that I really hate that society really seems to look down upon the stay at home mother for various reasons (why?!)....when in fact stay at home mothers have seriously important jobs ~ raising the next generation of children. :goodvibes:

My DH is very supportive about me at home (and gosh I'm sooo thankful for this), but I just ranted about how the household work is sooo unbalanced right now. I sort of feel guilty about it right now, but he only has a few tasks (cleaning one bathroom, taking out the trash & recycling, mowing the lawn, and taking ODS to school) and I hate nagging him about it. When his tasks go 4-6 weeks w/o getting done...it drives me nuts! You know who is doing his tasks. I'm pregnant and I seriously hate mowing the lawn. I realize he has been busy at work and he is building a play structure for the children, but I feel he is choosing to do the "fun" tasks at home and leave the mundane things to me. Ick! Gotta love men. :giggle2:

[cereal527]

My DH is very supportive about me at home (and gosh I'm sooo thankful for this), but I just ranted about how the household work is sooo unbalanced right now. I sort of feel guilty about it right now, but he only has a few tasks (cleaning one bathroom, taking out the trash & recycling, mowing the lawn, and taking ODS to school) and I hate nagging him about it. When his tasks go 4-6 weeks w/o getting done...it drives me nuts! You know who is doing his tasks. I'm pregnant and I seriously hate mowing the lawn. I realize he has been busy at work and he is building a play structure for the children, but I feel he is choosing to do the "fun" tasks at home and leave the mundane things to me. Ick! Gotta love men. :giggle2:

Wait, are you married to my husband? :giggle: My dh does the exact same thing. I asked him to choose his jobs around the house. He chose dishes, taking out the trash/recycling, and outdoor stuff. But 9 times out of 10 I end up; doing the dishes in the morning because he didn't do it after dinner, taking the trash out because it is overflowing and stinking up the house, taking out the recycling because I'm losing my counter space to it, and the grass gets so tall I'm afraid the neighbors will complain because it's been so long. I just don't understand men.

[KristieW]

I'm a SAHM, although I don't feel "lucky to stay home". This is a FULL-time job, I have 4 kids and a baby on the way, a decent sized house to care for, a yard and pool that need care... my DH is lucky he gets to GO to work, lol. I just don't feel the whole "lucky" thing, I LOVE staying home with my kids, but I also wouldn't have had a "large" family if I couldn't stay home. This is a job, and I feel BLESSED to do it, but not lucky. Lucky are those who get a break, get a lunch out with co-workers, get an afternoon coffee break without 4 screaming kids wanting something, lol! I guess I just have a different outlook on it, I don't feel like I need to be thankful to stay home, years ago moms just stayed home and cared for their kids, that was life, they never had to say they felt lucky and fortunate to stay home, and neither do we. We have kids, so we care for them, it's life to me I guess. I love being with my kids and wouldn't go to work right now unless I had to support my family, which DH has covered thankfully.
Yes, this is exactly me! Thank you for putting it into words so much better than I could have!

But in reality it's hard job and there are days I'd love to go to work just so I can pee by myself and have a few minutes of quiet in the car.
Yes, THIS. I put DD in the stroller today and went for a walk just so that I could have some time of someone NOT TOUCHING ME. Normally when we go for a walk I wear her in the Beco, but today I even put in headphones and listened to a book while we walked. I just needed the mental break. I felt like I was totally ignoring her, but it's hard to really be THERE for her anyway when I'm that touched out, KWIM? And

Since deciding to stay at home 3 years ago when my second was born, I've always said that going back to work would be easier. I've never had such a demanding, never ending, thankless, job like staying at home. I love staying at home. I do.

Yes again.

My DH is very supportive about me at home (and gosh I'm sooo thankful for this), but I just ranted about how the household work is sooo unbalanced right now. I sort of feel guilty about it right now, but he only has a few tasks (cleaning one bathroom, taking out the trash & recycling, mowing the lawn, and taking ODS to school) and I hate nagging him about it. When his tasks go 4-6 weeks w/o getting done...it drives me nuts! You know who is doing his tasks. I'm pregnant and I seriously hate mowing the lawn. I realize he has been busy at work and he is building a play structure for the children, but I feel he is choosing to do the "fun" tasks at home and leave the mundane things to me. Ick! Gotta love men. :giggle2:
And this.

Thank you all so much for speaking my feelings--this is exactly what I needed to hear after today, and exactly the type of "you're not alone" that I needed. I just don't have anyone IRL I can talk to that gets it. MIL comes and criticizes my housework, people call and ask if I can volunteer for this or join that because they assume I have infinite time, and no one asks how *I* am doing or if *I* need a break. It's really hard some days when I've been dealing with a clingy infant who has only napped a half-hour all day, and there's no end in sight because my only relief won't be home until after DD and I have both gone to bed.

Thank you, thank you, and again thank you. I'd love to be able to come back to this thread and vent on occasion, and would love to have company if anyone else wants to join me. I can bring cookies. :mrgreen:

[KristieW]

Wait, are you married to my husband? :giggle: My dh does the exact same thing. I asked him to choose his jobs around the house. He chose dishes, taking out the trash/recycling, and outdoor stuff. But 9 times out of 10 I end up; doing the dishes in the morning because he didn't do it after dinner, taking the trash out because it is overflowing and stinking up the house, taking out the recycling because I'm losing my counter space to it, and the grass gets so tall I'm afraid the neighbors will complain because it's been so long. I just don't understand men.
No, I think she's married to my husband. So when you see him, can you remind him that it's trash day and the upstairs litterboxes REALLY need to be emptied? :mrgreen: