The worst mommy guilt..

[kkrpata]

Okay so this is a little long but I just need to get this out to people I think will understand. I just feel such horrible mommy guilt and I don't know how else to let it out.

Okay so I never posted about my daughters injury back in March, but she was playing with a little boy my sons age and they were dancing in my living room and she fell and hit her forehead on the corner of our cable box, blood everywhere. We called 911 and the fire dept came out. She was taken to the ER and they used dermabond to superglue her wound shut. The glue fell off somewhere around May 1st and she has a scar right in the middle of her forehead about an inch long. Doesn't bother her, but every time I see it it brings me back to that day and I feel awful all over again.

Then on Friday night we went to the zoo and the kids were playing at this water feature (like a splash pad with slides though). I hate this water feature and don't take the kids to this particular one when it's me and them because I feel like it's dangerous. There are too many big kids running around and they don't watch out for the little ones. Which is fine in itself, but I think maybe this one should just be for the bigger kids and the splash pad be for the little ones. Anyway, my husband was with us though and he's never been to the zoo with the kids and wanted to take them to this water place. So not even 3 minutes into playing a bigger kid comes flying off the slide, takes DD's feet out from under her and she slams face first into the ground. She hit her head in the same exact spot as where her scar is and it bruises fast and blood filled up under her scar so now it's bright red. Luckily it didn't rip back open...

Then last night my kids were getting ready to take a bath. They were walking fast towards the bathroom because they get really excited about bathtime. My dughter kind of pushed my son out of the way and he fell into the door frame and split his lip open. So we spent the night in the childrens ER again and he had to have stitches in his lip.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm the most careful and protective mother. But my kids are so full of energy and I just can't seem to protect them. I feel like such a failure as a mother. My kids are really no worse for the wear and my daughter is kind of proud of her scar. But I just don't feel like I'm cut out for this. Everyone keeps telling me that "it happens to every kid" and "this is just the beginning". But I don't see a bunch of families walking around with each of their kids with big scars on their heads and stitches on their faces. I guess it's just because they're so young and this has all happened within a few months. Jeez... Oh and to add to it my husband switched jobs in February so we were without insurance for all this time (we're insured now though). We knew we'd be without insurance for 90 days but thought we'd never had anything bad happen, we could go a couple months.

Anyway, sorry for the novel I just really had to get this out. I just feel the worst guilt ever. I'm literally nauseous over this and no one seems to understand. I just don't know if I can handle anymore. I mean, I'm thankful they weren't hurt worse than they were but how can I stop this kind of stuff from happening?!

[Mom2KG]

Don't feel guilty mama :hugs: Some kids really are just accident prone. I was one of those children. I was high energy, and always on the go. I have scars all over the place. By the time I was 13 I had had stitches 9 times. I fell out of shopping carts, fell off my bike, smacked my head on furniture, fell out of trees, you name it! I wasn't a clutsy child either, just very rough and full of energy. My sister on the other hand was never injured as a child. She was always a calm and laid back child. So my injuries had nothing to do with parenting. I'm sure you are a great mom! Don't be too hard on yourself. :hugs:

[mrsbehaven007]

:hugs:
it happens mama ..
how many stitches will my boys get b4 they leave this house the world may never know

[mommyfrog]

:hugs: It really does happen to all active kids. My kids' dr actually looks for bruises on their shins to make sure they're playing and active enough!! My oldest wasn't/isn't very active. My 2nd one though, watch out. He had a broken collar bone at 18 months and a cut on his forehead the same summer. Our neighbor was an EMT. He said it could get stitches but it wasn't too bad so he cleaned it up for me and put butterfly bandages on it. He's had stitches and/or glue three more times, burned his leg BAD riding a motorcycle, got a concussion, broke his front teeth off....well you get the idea. My other kids have all had some of the same, but not near as many as him. And no more broken bones, thank goodness. Just stitches/glue, broken teeth, scrapes and bruises and one more concussion. Is this making you feel any better? LOL!!! Kids.:giggle2: Sometimes I worry that the walk in clinic is going to call CPS on me for being in there so much. But with 6 active ones and a semi-hypocondriac (my oldest!!)......Sheesh.

[tallanvor]

The people that are saying it happens to every child are, of course, not totally accurate, but it is a pretty good generalization. The majority of children are going to have at least one emergency room visit that results in stitches or some thing broken or sprained. Children have been getting banged up, stitched up, and wrapped up since the beginning of time. I don't mean to imply that you shouldn't feel bad about it. They are your children and of course you want to protect them. But if you try and stick them in a bubble, they won't be very happy.

[mycdsqueaker]

:hugs: mama. you are not a bad mother. Kids are gonna be kids. DD has a chipped front tooth from falling face first off a picnic bench.
Doesn't sound like they were doing anything dangerous...just being kids. Go easy on yourself.

[JulieBeth]

Oh goodness!

I know that I gave my mother some extended time at the ER and hospital with all the times I broke my arms, foots, had pnemonia, mono, and everything else. It was nothing she ever lacked as a parent, she is the best mom ever!

Accidents definately happen. My dad was tickling my DS when he was younger and my DS just took off and flipped over the end of the couch, busted his head open on a lamp. He also got the dermabond but the hair doesn't grow there now. lol

[thenanny]

Oh honey I was the same way. I was putting away laundry when DS was only 6 months old. He was on the top of my custom made 4 ft changing table made of solid wood and I was right there putting the diapers in the top drawer. I reached to get another few diapers and off he went bouncing off the corner of this solid wood drawer then onto the floor. He had the hugest goofy knot you have ever seen. Of course he cried and I cried and rushed him to the ER to which I was terrified of DHS being called because I thought for sure I was the most horrible mother this side of the moon. They pretty much laughed at me (in a good way) and said he would be fine and sent us home within an hour.

6 months later he was playing with bricks in my dad's shop and we had told him to leave them alone but he was having such a good time. I just couldn't take them away. Looking back now I say "Hello, it was a dang brick Moron!!!" to myself. He of course raised one above his head and was going to throw it but it insted landed corner in his toe. Again we both cried and the nail fell off. No treatment necessary in the ER, just go home and keep neosporin on it and give him tylenol if he bothers it too much. #1 mom in the making right.
Since then it has been one thing after another. Many goofy knots and even a black eye and bloody nose that he gave himself. Do I still feel guilty every single time something happens, oh of course. But really it is par for the course.
Right now DSD is in the house with a HORRIBLE sunburn. I feel like a complete poop because I didn't make sure that she and her cousin sufficiently applied the sunscreen insted of just sprayed the Z on her back that I can see in white surrounded by her heated red body. But she has done the sunscreen before. She knew what would happen if she didn't but they were in too big of a hurry to get to the pool while leaving their little brothers in the house so they could have some girl time. I can't make sure that everything is perfect all the time.
We will have guilt over everything that goes wrong. But really our pride will outweigh the regrets and guilt in the end. You are a good mother. So am I. It's just something that all good mothers face when their children get hurt.

[dublinmom]

:hugs: We've seen more than our fair share of ER visits (although thankfully not for anything TOO serious) so I know how you feel. DH just shrugs his shoulders and says "wait til they start playing sports" Yikes!

[smbaliff]

I think you'd have more guilt if you kept you're kids in a bubble and didn't let them enjoy life. Have some faith in yourself that you're doing the best you can without hindering their fun. :hugs::hugs:

[Aradiakali]

you should read "the blessings of a skinned knee"
btw i have a scar in the middle of my forehead from a car accident i was in when I was 18. It took about 8 years, but it faded. It had a bright purple color for years. So, it takes awhile, but it does fade

[ashleynjacy]

The things you just described are normal, very normal. :hugs:

[kkrpata]

Thanks mama's. I really know its par for the course and it's going to happen, it's just so hard for me to see them so little and so banged up. But I am truly grateful they're not hurt worse and things aren't that bad. I really do know that people do have it much worse and I am thankful my kids are healthy and happy, I just have to put myself in check sometimes I guess. I appreciate you all sharing your stories though, somehow knowing it happens to other moms and other kids really makes me feel better.

[Computermama]

I have a scar in the middle of my forehead mama. I know it's there, but almost no one notices it until I point it out.

My parents had (still do, actually) a set of solid wood coffee and end tables with brass corners. They removed them when my sister and I were little, but once my little sister was walking well, they brought them back out, which would have put me at about 3ish. No word of a lie within a week, she and I come tearing out of another room into the living room and I trip, fall and smash my forehead into the corner of the coffee table. Mom said the living room looked like a murder scene. Those brass corners have thick padding on them now and will have until DD's in school. :giggle:

My younger cousin, the one the same age as my sister I saw about 4 times a year when we were growing up. Probably three out of those 4 times a year that I saw him, he'd have some part of his body in a cast or a wrap or a sling or what have you. I think he broke every bone in his body by the time he hit high school. His mom was very attentive, things like that didn't happen to his brother - he was just overly energetic and a horrendous klutz.

Kids get hurt. Accidents happen. ER staff and doctors are trained well and have plenty of experience with injuries and can pick out the accident prone kids from the ones who are neglected or abused. You're not a bad mom. You do what you can, but we can't prevent all the bumps and bruises. What matters most is that we react quickly and appropriately when they happen.

[iggyloo]

Don't feel guilty mama. And I would just try not to let it worry you too much. I have SOO many scars from my childhood. And even as an adult, I am proud! Some kids are just alot more accident prone. My daughter (19 months) is constantly bruised, and most of the time I don't even know where they came from! She is such a bruiser and doesn't even flinch if she falls, gets knocked over, runs into something, etc. I am so thankful for this because some kids I see start crying and freaking out over the smallest thing.

I would try to remember that you are NOT a bad mama because your child has bumps and bruises. You would be a bad mama if you were putting your children in dangerous situations or letting them get into dangerous situations and not doing anything about it. Doesn't sound that way to me. Sounds like they are just normal kids prone to injuries! HTH mama. :)

[laylaeomommy]

:hugs: My rebellious LO has fallen face first into things three times this week and bit into her lip all three times. She is the terrible twos and just won't listen to mommy and keeps doing the things she knows that she shouldn't be doing.

Today we were swimming and dd kept jumping out of shallow area into the deep water and was on the verge of drowning herself so we got out of the water to leave and before I could pick her up she ran around the pool with me yelling stop and jumped into the deep end with no floaties on!! I jumped in and got her she was about three feet down.

She won't be swimming for the rest of the summer since she won't listen to mommy and she could have died today. I might blow up a kiddie pool and put an a couple of inches of water in but I don't trust her to listen to me so I have to take drastic measures now.

I do understand how you feel but some things are in your control and some things are not. All I know is that I will be saying the serenity prayer tonight.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[laylaeomommy]

you should read "the blessings of a skinned knee"
btw i have a scar in the middle of my forehead from a car accident i was in when I was 18. It took about 8 years, but it faded. It had a bright purple color for years. So, it takes awhile, but it does fade

As a baby I hit my head several times on the corner of our coffee table and have dents in my forehead. They have filled in as I have gotten older and I don't remember them happening I just know that they are there. I also know that If I don't point it out most people don't notice them either.

[titania]

oh honey, it sucks, doesn't? :hugs: when micah was an infant he went to the ER at 4 months for falling on his head (pushed himself out of the bouncy seat onto marble floor), 5 mo for falling out of my 4' high bed onto his head. when he was around 18-20ish months he fell and hit his forehead and got a HUGE knot on it, right in the middle. the next day, he fell AGAIN, same spot. a few days later, what did he do? fell AGAIN (this time on cement) on the same spot. im not kidding, this guy had a bruise on top of a bruise on top of a bruise. i thought he'd never heal!! but he did and he has much better balance now! :lostit:

[Computermama]

I know I responded already, but I just had to add this.

I had to take DD into the ER on Mother's day this year due to croup. I had no idea what it was, just that she had this horrible sounding cough that scared the crap out of me. They asked for her hospital card - a plastic registration card with her info and a registration number for the hospital's records - and I didn't have one for her. She hadn't been to the hospital since she was born, and they don't get them then, they get them on their first hospital visit. All the nurses were absolutely incredulous that I'd managed to get to 18 mos without having rushed her to the ER for something - odd illnesses, new walking injuries, falls off the bed/change table/insert surface here, and were even more incredulous when they found out that she's my first child. Scary injuries are just *that* common in LOs.

[carsonsmommy1108]

Oh I am so sorry Mama! That is tough! My brothers and I were very rough children, I had stitches a dozen times as a child and 9 different broken bones. My brother has had stitches in his head alone 3 different times, as well as 3 other scars that didn't require stitches, he shaved his head once, and man was it not a good look for him as he has a total of six scars on his head lol.

I can already tell that Carson is going to be one of those kids too, he's only 7 months so he isn't quite mobile enough to hurt himself too badly, but he has still already had a coupe scrapes and bumps on the head.

Don't beat yourself up too badly, it really does happen to everyone, and the fact that you feel so badly just means you're a wonderful Mama!

[Treasures Of Mine]

You are so not alone Mama :bighug:

Just recently my DD8 got a black eye from hitting her bro. head while jumping on their beds. It was swollen shut for days...then my DD15 got knocked in the head her baby bro and got a black eye (same side) and THEN my baby girl, who cosleeps threw a fit one night when I took her off my breast, and arched her back off my bed and got a black eye (same side) so I had not one, not two, but THREE girls with black eyes on the SAME side.

It was not funny then, I was scared to go out :hide: but now, looking back on it, we laugh...

It will get better... :bighug:

[Emmett's Mommy]

Like everyone says, it's not your fault, you are not a bad mama!:hugs: Kids will be kids! My neice has had a fake tooth since she was 3 (or maybe a little earlier) from playing and knocking it out! Talk about feeling bad, her mom had to look at that little snaggletooth for months until she could get it fixed.
My ds has only done minor things so far, he's only 15 months, but I know it's coming. He is a climber and he has recently started getting on furniture, then climbing on the arms so I know he will be falling into the window sill or something one day soon. He thinks it's funny...so far, he didn't think it was funny when he fell EYE first into the corner of his book box. ANyways, don't feel bad, it probably just seems worse because, like you said, they happened close together.

[Nanner99]

When my youngest was right around a year old, we were on vacation and somehow his travel high chair was not strapped to the bar-height chair. He leaned over and fell on his face, with me literally standing right beside him. He looked awful. His face was bruised and swollen and he could barely see out of one eye. We took him to the ER and in the end he was fine.

This kid, though, is always bloodied and bruised. He has busted his lip/mouth 6 times in 21mos! It started when he was just crawling across the floor, slipped and ripped his frenulum.

Really, do not worry about it. It happens! :hugs:

[foxygoober]

No ER or sick visits for us. . .but I also don't freak and run into the ER for bumps and whatnot. . .

However I was looking at DS2 and wondering if someone would call dss on us, I just know he'll be in that ER sooner or later, his shins and head constantly have bruises, he has a bruise on his eyelid, and has about 30 ant bites from getting attacked on Friday, that was horrible!. . .Saturday he was climbing on the bed and walking off. . .as in his feet were still going in the air. Did he stop after the first time? No! He did it like four more times (now you're wondering why I didn't stop him aren't ya?)
Anyhow he is always doing stuff like that and even when he gets hurt he still repeats crazy stunts like flying down a slide head first. DS1 is still afraid of slides!
Some kids are just wreckless, out of my eight siblings, two have had broken bones, my sister broke a bone in her foot over Christmas, one of my brothers has broken a bone at least four different times. . . we all have the same parents. So if injuries were due to parenting (other than abuse/neglect) then we would either all have broken something or none. My brother and sister are just a bit clutzy. . .