12-30-2006, 08:50 PM
So, it has been a year+ since ttc and we have had 2 losses so far in this year. We are now into the second year. I am wondering when do you start to ask about help and stuff for that stuff? I am just so sick of losses and long TTC. I am getting so emotionally drained and so is my DH....it's like it has become a breaker for your marriage, even when we say we won't TTC anymore we always end up worrying about it anyways. What options do we have? I feel like if we do another year of this long TTC and losses after so much trying our marriage is going to hit the fan.
12-31-2006, 01:22 AM
Well, we went through 4 years almost of infertility treatments. It was extremely hard on our marriage. truthfully sometimes I wonder if we should have taken a hard look at the price ttc was taking on our marriage, and the possibility of finding another route to parenthood. I sometimes wish that we had waited a little more so that we could have worked on our marriage a bit more, and had time to enjoy ourselves without stressing about when we had to dtd, test, go to appts.... yada yada yada....
If you're worried that there's some serious health issue causing the losses, yes get it checked out asap, for yourself and your dp's ease of mind. If no serious health problems exist then ask yourself if pushing for a baby faster will be "worth" the stress it causes. It is way better for you to have an enjoyable, committed and loving relationship with your partner than to get overly concerned about making a baby. It's sooooo easy to lose sight of the fact that you are supposed to have a wee bit of fun bd'ing :blush: not too much :laugh:
TTC is heartbreaking when it goes on, and on, and on. My dad told me once that a child chooses his/her parents and when they are ready to be born they will. you can interpret this however you want. Ultimately when you are ttc, even though we like to believe that we are in control.... we aren't. You can control all of the "variables"... but there is still only a 25% chance of getting pregnant for the average healthy /"normal" couple each month. Once pregnant there is a risk of m/c which varies... but does exist.
Sometimes I think that we are ready to ttc #2 and I have to remind myself that our marriage is more important to me than ttc. Is it better for us to have only one child and be a happy family than a large family with lots of problems? Don't feel guilty about taking a break. It's your life. Allow yourself time to heal from your losses. It takes time. Don't rush.
I hope that you can find peace in your heart, and that you talk with your partner. Sometimes guys don't let on how much hurt they feel. I still am surprised when M. remembers our first loss which I didn't talk about much at all.
oh yeah... and just for fun,.... enjoy bd'ing :giggle: it takes a LOT of practice... just have fun. no temps, no days red-circled, no agenda... just love.
12-31-2006, 02:58 AM
Your post did really help me think about it all. I remember so much that I never got pregnant while trying so hard, it was like our marriage was going down the drain from stress and than we would argue after we DTD...Than one month we talked about our marriage decided to stop trying and all the sudden I was pregnant...same happened with number two. I find it strange I only get pregnant when happy with myself, my life, everything. I think you are right the child gets to decide when it comes to this world and who its parents are. Honestly, I could not imagine having a child than my marriage failing. You made me take a better look at the situation, I would like to make my marriage stronger and just let whatever happens happens. Baby will come when the time is right and till than all I am going to do is test once a month since my periods are irregular, take my vitamins, and work out at the gym to achieve my own look. It is better for me to get rid of stress than worry everyday. I think I need to heal first so that when I get pregnant again I am not all worries like I was with the last two losses. It is so easy for me to say but I am sure it is going to be hard to give it up and work on me and my husband.
12-31-2006, 08:38 AM
If you have had 2 losses and no successful pregnancy in over a year of TTC, you absolutely need to get a complete infertilty workup.
DH needs to get a complete Sperm analysis.
You need to get a complete female workup, including complete hormone panels, physical exam, HSG test/ultrasound, thyroid test and diabetes screen. If nothing pops on those, you need to get a post-coital test, which is where you have a sample of your...uummm, "combined love-making fluids" tested, because sometimes, there isn't anything wrong with each persona individually, but 2 people are simply not compatible with **eachother**, and doctors can tell this from looking at how his fluids interact with yours.
It is NOT normal for a young, otherwise basically healthy couple to not conceive. It is NOT normal to suffer TWO losses. One loss might be written off as a fluke..they happen, cell division goes awry, that sort of thing....but 2 losses ina year with no successful pregnancies....something is WRONG.
It used to be a lot of docs wouldn't help a woman until she had suffered 3 losses, but nowadays, the standard is 2 losses...and losses aside, the standard for infertility for a woman under 35 is 12 months of TTC, OR, if you are knowledgable and charting and certain you are both ovulating and DTD at the correct times, the standard is 6 months of TTC. As you can see, you now meet any and all criteria for getting complete infertiltiy treatment.
Since you have been able to conceive twice, you are clearly ovulating, at least sometimes....so something to look at would be on what day or your cycles you are Oing and whether or not your ewggs are of good quality. Also, the SA will determine if DH's sperm are of good quality, also motility and quantity. Poor quality "ingredients" will often lead to early miscarriages, as the embryo will not be healthy enough to continue growing/living. Assuming that is NOT the case, then the next thing to look at are your uterine envoronment and hormone levels...you can have the healthiest little embryo in the world, but if it can not dig into and make itself a happy little home in your uterus, it can't survive...your doc will look for things like endometriosis and an incorrect PH level and or antibodies against dh's spermies....assuming the embryo can burrow into your uterus and set up camp, it needs fuel...which is progesterone...if your prog levels (or any other hormone levels) are way off, again, it will be a no-go. Then you get into thingsd like thyroid conditions, blood incompatibility, antibody issues, clotting issues, Mucous issues, the whoel slew of male factor issues, PCOS, fibroids ....
Really, once you get into what all has to happen in order to actuyally have a baby, you really realize the miracle the it ever happens at all!!!
I personally went through 4 yrs of TTC to get dd, and am TTC again...we have PCOS, hypothyroid, diabetes, and male factor. Yippee!!
Hopefully you can get some answers soon, and of course, reducing your stress is ALWAYS a great idea. Very simple things you can do to increase your fertiltiy are to reduce stress, take high-quality prenatal vitamins (such as rainbow light), have DH take high-quality vitamins along with extra Vit C, zinc and a B-vitamin complex, exercise daily and try to be as close to a healthy weight as possible, don't smoke or drink, drink green tea the first half of your cycle, get a massage/chiro adjustment/accupuncture, stop processed foods and increase green leafy vegetables, do not drink soda, and start practicing yoga, meditation, focused prayer or some other sort of deliberate relaxation activity.
Best wishes to you!
12-31-2006, 10:37 PM
:hugs: I'm glad that my words helped. I have a hard time with not controlling everything. ( I actually admitted that??!! dh would be happy!) TTC can be very complicated and invasive. Having a m/c can be very very sad, but then you WERE pregnant for even a short time. Remember that. Feel blessed that you were able to become pregnant. Science can't always explain why someone has a m/c. I know that there are some causes of m/c that can definitely be treated etc... and you probably should try to investigate that aspect of your losses. When I first got pg I was told that it was 50/50 of carrying the pg to term. Harsh prospects. I did what I could to keep the "odds" in my favour, but had to learn to be thankful for each day I WAS pg. What a miracle it was.
Like the pp said, do your homework... :thumbsup: and then be thankful for everything that you've been blessed with.
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