Question about giving rewards for good behavior at Daycare(for 2 almost 3year old)

[ive]

I'm feeling very frustrated due to the "new daycare" saying nothing positive about my son, ever. When they do the going home sheets they always say how he had fun w/ something. He seems to get along w/ the children and seems resigned to be there now. But I'd love to have the teachers love him as much as my family/friends enjoy him. He's all boy and does assert himself, but nothing really bad. No biting no hitting at people. When he doesn't get his way he knows to go to a corner to give himself a time out. But will say "NO" w/ a very Angry and yucky voice. He does kick his feet out (one at a time) as well and does throw his arms around. doesn't cry or scream/shrug.

anyways, I'm almost resigned myself not to ask how his day was last week after the daycare provider, told me I should raise him better. After I had reminded her that he's still only 2 1/2, and he wont be perfect.

Now I just went and got a ton of toys and have good behavior stickers. and Almost thinking I should do a reward system. Every 10days he can choose one toy out of the box for good behavior. I was thinking making a list of what I think constitute good behavior and then leave a few extra lines for the Provider to add one or 2 behaviors they need from him.

so I was wondering would this work? and would this 'cause my son to think he will always get a toy for good behavior?? I don't want to cause my son to think he only has to behave if he gets something for his trouble. KWIM??

Also if I do this system of good behavior at school w/ reward system. what does constitute good behavior?? I know I'm bias, but atm I just can't think of many bad behaviors of his. He has a temper but controls it better then I would. and I feel sympathetic for him due to he's already in "school environment" and has to go early in the morning:yuck: anyways suggestions or advice about this topic would be wonderful.

[missydawn]

Sorry mama but I don't think it would work. One if he does something bad in the morning he won't remember really the reason he doesn't get the reward. That system really only works when you give the treat at the exact time of the behavior you want. Second it sounds like you want to reward him for getting someone to like him which is out of your control. I would just look into a different daycare that works better for you and your son. Good luck mama and sorry you have to deal with this.

[mommyfrog]

I agree. It sounds like a bad fit for your son.

[debmom2boyz]

10 days is long for school age children---let alone 2.5 year olds! They don't remember what they did 5 mintues ago.

I'll be honest, I think at that age lots of verbal praise is imprtant at that age. Encourage him.

I have a very active 2.5 year old. He'd be excited to put a sticker on a paper-but telling him in 10 days you'd get a prize----that won't work. He'd be fixed on the prize now. Does that make sense. Also you start now with giving him prizes for doing "good" he's going to expect that as he gets older.

Sadly, not all daycare centers/providers/teachers will love your son like your family. Yes, we'd like to think that since they see our children more than we do. My oldest was at a daycare that just didn't "see" him. He didn't flourish there. They weren't very nuturing. He didn't have any behavior problems (except when they went on a walk he wanted to stop and look at the trees). Anyway, we knew somthing wasn't right and he began a new "school." He did awesome.

nt

[elsieme]

Hi there mama, I'm with pps. I tried rewards, first toys, then stickers, then star chart to do potty training with DD. For a little while she was excited and it seemed to work. Then she got bored with all of them before we were finished, and was much less interested in PLing for its own sake. It took her another 9 months after that. I think talking about it, probably over and over, will get you better results in the long run. Rewards seem to make them focus on the reward instead of the reasons you'd like them to do something else. Love your little guy, and follow your instincts. If you think his behavior is ok, it probably is!

[nakedbabytoes]

2 things:
#1: if a DCP told me to "raise my child better", I would be giving her my 2 weeks notice right there. I am a DCP myself. She needs to know her role. Period. She can think it, but she can't say it. I'd venture this won't be the first or last time she oversteps her boundaries.
#2: rewards are good things. Have you looked into "Accountable Kids"? You wouldn't necessarily have to order their stuff but it could give you ideas on how to reward & when. 10 days is way too long. Even my 8 year old has trouble remembering what he did this morning if I ask him in the afternoon. Your idea is great! It just needs a little tweeking.
Side note: I had an "active" child from the age of 3 months until he went to kindergarten. He had good days and bad days. But I loved him still. I think of him probably more often than I think of the easy ones. I appreciated him for who he was, being unique and challenging me to be a better person. He taught me more than I ever taught him. I tear up just now writing about him.
I dunno what my point was other than to tell you that someone will love him **almost** as much as you do. You just might need to find her.
I hope your son feels appreciated & important where he is now. If he doesn't, I keep searching.

[ive]

The daycare he's at atm, is one of the better rated Daycare's around here. He's almost 3years old and if he can go into another area soon(less then 3months now). Its not ideal, but took over 1year to get him in,and I know they aren't verbally abusive, or anything horrible due to I think they'd be worried about loosing their good reputation.

I'm wondering if I should have a conference w/ the Daycare Providers and the administrator so I can get to the bottom of what they consider "a bad child".


also sorry another question. But how do I help my son turn his energy into a good behavior. Like I said I think of him as Energetic,mind set, willing to please(if his feelings get hurt to cry). but isn't Mean where he looks to hurt others, just doesn't understand some things hurt. Which I've been working on by every time he throws something or kicks/punches I say it hurts and cry. He doesn't like saying sorry or giving apologize but does it.

so how does one make the more "boyish" boy a well liked person?? thanks for everyone' input. I think I'll hold off on the reward system and look into "accountable kids".

[nakedbabytoes]

Conferencing is a great idea! It let's them know that you are wanting to work WITH them and your son to produce a more beneficial relationship. Do it. It can't hurt. Write down your son's strengths & weaknesses. What you do to encourage positive behavior and discourage negative behavior at home. That is also your opportunity to ask them what they expect from your son on a daily basis. Socially. Attention wise. Physically. Emotionally.
Listen to the words they use to describe your son as they know him. Listing his strengths & weaknesses back to you as they see them in a center environment. I assume it's a center?? Or large home daycare?? Anyway, if all you hear is negative, highly rated or not, I'd get him out of there pronto. Being in an environment that is always negative is not good for anybody. Especially a kid.
We all just wanna be safe & loved, right? Kids especially!
As far as changing him into a "better kid", all you can do is encourage the good & discourage the bad. I'm certain you are doing just fine. We all do the best we can everyday. Our kids inherit the earth together. We all want them to get along & respect each other. Right now the best you can do for your son is love him for who he is & not what he isn't. You are being his advocate. That is awesome! He's one lucky little man!
You go girl!

[mammaof3lovelys]

i agree with pp that "you should raise him better" is completely inappropriate. When i worked in childcare if i had said this to a parent i would have lost my job. For that statement alone. I am not sure i would be willing to take my los to a daycare that was like what you are describing. I don't care if its one of the top rated.

I think you are doing a great job sofar from what you described. it just takes time to learn things. But just wanted to say you seem to be doing a good job on your end and if it were me i'd have a conference with the administrator and providor.

[luvsviola]

That would never work for my rambunctious girl. Never. She can't remember past half an hour.

We make a concious effort to praise her when she is doing well--"You put a smile on my face" always makes her excited, and also helps teach interpersonal relations too. She also loves "You're amazing, stupendous, fabulous, etc."

I would pointedly ask the provider daily...what was the highlight of his day? What new things do you notice him being able to accomplish? What cute things did he say today?

Ask them things that they have to have been paying attention to answer, and they will start paying more attention to the cute and funny things.

[doodah]

I agree that a meeting with the teacher or administrator is certainly within reason. It was totally inappropriate for someone to make a comment that you should raise your son better. However, I do believe it would be in everyone's best interest to try to work these issues out before moving him to a new daycare. I run my own daycare and while I am very attached to my kids, I do not love them the way their mother would or the way I love my own children. If that is truly what you are looking for, I think your expectations are too high. As for making him a more "well liked child", it sounds like you are being proactive in trying to address his behavioral issues but you cannot control the way his teachers or other children feel towards him. It does sound like he does hit, kick, and do other things that would hinder others from bonding with him. While these are very normal behaviors for his age, that does not make them okay especially in a daycare environment so I would encourage you to keep working with him to overcome these habits. If this daycare is the best in the area, I would certainly take their advice into consideration. This daycare may not work for you but there is obviously a reason as to why their waiting list is so long, kwim? good luck to you and hope you get everything worked out!