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View Full Version : My husband just spanked my DD


MyM&W
08-13-2009, 08:29 PM
Don't get me wrong, I've tapped her bum before when she was being seriously bad, but we've been struggling with her going to sleep recently, its 10:30 right now and shes screaming in our room. She just WON'T go to sleep. Shes still half breastfed (shes 3) and fell asleep at the boob, well I took it out and she lost it, I'm trying to let her know that she cannot nurse ALL FREAKING NIGHT LONG. She didn't have that, so I told dh to go put her down, figuring it wouldn't be to better if he did it. Well her bed is in our room and she was screaming so I went in there and then I had to use the bathroom and on my way back to the room I hear a spanking sound I said to dh "did you just hit her!?" hes goes "Yeah! My first time, I can't take it!" a few minutes later I looked at her bum and I saw light pink finger marks!!!!!!!:banghead: It doesn't look like he hit her very hard, shes fair skinned but still...

I'm so flipping mad!

cedricsmom
08-13-2009, 08:42 PM
I would be mad as well. Not acceptable. You cannot make someone going to sleep. I know it is hard, but punishment will not help.

Sewing4Girls
08-13-2009, 08:43 PM
:hugs: I often have the same issue with my dh. Yes, I will employ a swat now and then but not like he does- way too much IMO. And he knows it makes me mad and that I don't like it and berates my "modern parenting". But that said, most times I just have to let him do things his way when he's dealing with something. However, I do watch to make sure that if at all possible, *I* take care of things.
For your issue though, I would tell dd that she can't nurse all night long- once at bedtime and then not again until morning b/c the nummies have to sleep. Tell her you'll be glad to cuddle her, rock her, hold her hand etc and that she has to be quiet while those things are happening or you'll have to leave the room until she has stopped screaming. She's 3, IMO that's plenty big enough to understand the consquences of making noise nobody wants to hear. I have to tell my 3 & 4 yos that frequently- If you want to cry and scream, go do it in your room b/c I don't want to hear it. If you want me to help you with the problem, then calm down and I can.:hugs:

maureen73
08-13-2009, 08:53 PM
Sorry Mama....I know it is hard to deal with. Tonight my DH made the comment when my 4 year old was acting out again and he said "I told you....spare the rod and spoil the child". This is not the same as your case but with my DH I dont' know how to make him understand that you can't teach a child NOT to be aggressive by spanking him. Isn't that an oxymoron? Men!!!

MyM&W
08-13-2009, 09:02 PM
We finally just got her calmed down :( Holy crap...I was almost in tears because its so frustrating. She kept telling me to lay down with her in my bed, but EVERY time that I do that she ends up staying awake half the time. Her bed is right next to ours, but she refused to sleep in it, I'll move her when I go to sleep and pray that she doesn't wake up. She did well last night, slept until 6am in her own bed...Ugh.

But, DH knows how I feel about spanking...I can't believe he actually did it. He said he was hit/spanked when he was younger and claims to be "in line"...ha whatever, hes got a horrible temper sometimes and cusses like crazy, so obviously what his parents did didn't work 100%.

I'll talk to him more about it when we're both calmed down. I'm so worked upright now...I'm having contractions like crazy now, maybe I'll go into labor because of this :pray: haha :)

nakedbabytoes
08-13-2009, 09:10 PM
My hubby and I disagree on this issue as well. I see any form of physical punishment as abuse(yep, flame away, but I do). My hubby thinks spanking is okay. He has tried really hard to contain himself but that led to pushing our 8 year old in frustration(at me, at our son, at himself), so then we had a pow wow about pushing! He has spanked Jonah twice since we had our "understanding", both times when I wasn't home. But he was honest & did tell me.
He knows if he tries to do it when I am home, I will literally throw my body on top of Jonah to save him. I will grab my hubby's arm. Whatever it takes. I see it as abuse & you can't convince me otherwise. Sorry, ya can't.
It sucks that we can't seem to get past this issue. So I just don't leave daddy alone with the boys. I wish it wasn't this way. I love my hubby. I love my boys. This is the best I can do as it currently is.
Sorry. Guess I'm not much help. But I do feel ya!

Xeniphia
08-13-2009, 09:10 PM
I'll talk to him more about it when we're both calmed down. I'm so worked upright now...I'm having contractions like crazy now, maybe I'll go into labor because of this :pray: haha :)

Dude, if that works let me know. I'll get more pissy at my son's father (who is NOT my husband) ... maybe my LO will decide to come too, then I can be done with the week of sporadic contractions!:giggle:

MyM&W
08-13-2009, 09:17 PM
Haha if it works I'll let you know, but I'm sure it won't. I've been having semi painful labor contractions on and off for 3 weeks now (No joke!) and nothing has came of it yet. Though my little guy is moving around down there and I swear I can feel his head right on my dang cervix..OUCH.

MW69842
08-14-2009, 03:59 AM
I'd sit down with my significant other and explain why you believe spanking is not appropriate. And try to explain to your daughter why you can't nurse all night long, etc.

My 2-year-old has been spanked once... just a small swat, because she ran into the road after I had specifically told her to stay by the car (both before, during after removing her from the car seat). She understood what I said - even repeated it back to me... and she ran off anyway. She hasn't done it since.

We don't spank, in general - just in situations where it's entirely too dangerous.

JustAugust
08-14-2009, 01:22 PM
Spankings will cause finger marks for a few minutes, I wouldn't worry about that all all (as far as thinking he did it too hard). I do think you both need to sit down and discuss it. I don't like spankings, but I think when done rarely and in certain situations, it's definitely not abuse. But the issue is this is YOUR child and you guys need to come to an agreement on it whatever it may be.

angelikapisadika
08-14-2009, 01:38 PM
I know how you feel, mama. But I was the spanker last week and I made myself sick. I wanted to vomit, I was so upset with myself. My 2 year old dumped a few buckets of water out of the tub when I turned my back for a minute to get her towel RIGHT after I told her repeatedly that we keep the water INSIDE the tub. I spanked her and it left pink finger marks! I was so disappointed in myself and it made me so filled with sickening adrenaline that I will never, not ever spank again. It was the first and last time for me. It actually made me do a lot of thinking. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" actually came to mind! Someone come up with a good comeback for that one, please. It's ridiculous. Some things are not meant to be taken literally and discipline does not mean physical punishment. Parents at their wits end or in a moment of surprised anger that hit their child and immediately realize that what they did was a useless shame, I can understand. Parents who calmly and calculatedly decide to spank a child as a punishment kinda scare me. I apologized to my daughter and to my husband. I think that's important for everyone. Strange thing is, DH was one of those kids who was spanked and thinks it was fine and he turned out fine...but I know he'd never lay a hand on one of our children.

elsieme
08-14-2009, 04:39 PM
Interesting, the whole "I was spanked and I turned out fine" thing...I was spanked a handful of times, and I'm never going to do it to my kids. I'm pretty sure the only thing I learned was, "hey, these people who love me also hit me!!! and for something I thought was totally reasonable!!!" (shock and rage). I've talked about it since with my mom and I know she regrets it. My sister also has never gotten over the unfairness of her spankings. ...I wonder what these DHs remember about being spanked...

jenn5388
08-14-2009, 04:54 PM
Oh man!

my DH spanks miranda and no matter how he did it he did it wrong, too hard, too much, Something. I have spanked her before, but when he does it, there's just something about it that drives me crazy. lol I would get on the same page about what equals a spanking in your house and what doesn't. but honestly it just sounds like he got angry and like he said, just couldn't take it anymore. I think we have all been there, that's why some of us have spanked anyway. I remember saying i never would.

JustAugust
08-14-2009, 08:29 PM
Interesting, the whole "I was spanked and I turned out fine" thing...I was spanked a handful of times, and I'm never going to do it to my kids. I'm pretty sure the only thing I learned was, "hey, these people who love me also hit me!!! and for something I thought was totally reasonable!!!" (shock and rage). I've talked about it since with my mom and I know she regrets it. My sister also has never gotten over the unfairness of her spankings. ...I wonder what these DHs remember about being spanked...

But see, I was spanked and don't feel bad about it at all. I mean, obviously I wasn't a fan, but I don't feel abused or unloved or anything from it. I actually have more resentment about the way I was spoken to a lot of times when I got in trouble. I think it completely depends on the kid, and all we can do is what we think is best for our kids.

I'm not pro-spanking at all. I just always see these threads and just want to throw my experience out there as well.