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View Full Version : grrr... why would DH tell me that???


stephie_j24
08-26-2009, 08:27 PM
Big vent here- fair warning.

Backstory:
As most of you know, I am trying for a VBAC. I have been educating myself, using positive imagery, etc to get myself into the right state of mind for success. The main reason I need a vbac is because my recovery from my first c/s was HORRIBLE.... unbeknownst to us before the delivery, I have a healing disorder that led me to have an open incision for far longer than I should have, instead of getting a scar. DH is currently deployed and there's no way I'd be able to take care of my family while recovering from such a surgery again, and we can only assume that a second c/s would be bad like the first, since it was caused by a problem with my skin. (FYI, the uterine incision was fine- it was just the skin... but still very painful and kept me from being fully functional for several months)

Anywho... the other day, I was discussing the impending delivery with one of the other wives from DH's unit. She asked why in the world I don't just schedule a repeat c/s for the sake of knowing when baby is coming (I get that a lot, LOL). I told her the story and she said she understood. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she was sure DH's unit would send him home if something like that happened. I sort of shrugged it off- her hubby is high ranking in the unit, but not the big boss, and I figured she probably didn't know for sure and was just trying to make me feel better.

Then today, DH told me that he'd had a meeting with his command team about it. Apparently, word had spread from this other spouse to her DH, and then to the commander. They assured him that if I did have a c/s, they would send him home for 3-4 months or however long I needed him for!!!!! :whoa: Why in the world would he tell me that? So much of what I know about having a successful vbac is having your mind committed to it and being 100% confident in your ability to give birth. Now, there's a major subconscious (ok, it's a little bit conscious :blush:) part of me that WANTS to fail! GREAT! :banghead:

Now don't get me wrong, the rational part of me wants very badly to still deliver this baby vaginally, for a whole slew of reasons. And I definitely wouldn't schedule a c/s voluntarily... not only do I think that's a bad idea in general, but I'd feel like I was intentionally making DH choose between his family and his duty as a soldier and I would never do that. But just having that little piece of me that sorta wishes for that... that could be detrimental, I think. And I hate having that information!! I miss him terribly and it breaks my heart that he's missing so much of our kids' growing. 3-4 months would help...

UGH!! Sorry for the long rant... it's just really got me upset right now. I'm not going to change any of my 'plans' for the birth or anything. I guess I just needed to get this out there. DON'T LET ME GIVE IN TO AN UNNECESSARY C/S!! Be my rock, september mamas!!!

sbouvier511
08-26-2009, 08:38 PM
Great big hugs Stephie!!! :hugs:

WOW - of course that's horribly hard! I can't even imagine. I know you're strong enough to do this VBAC if it's what you really want, but don't beat yourself up for wishing he was going to be home! Of course you do. I don't think accepting that fact within yourself means sabotaging all of the positive thought that you've been doing so far.

Get that VBAC if you want it - and know we all love you whatever happens!

loreleidenise
08-26-2009, 08:48 PM
Whichever path you end up on, you're on the right path! You can still do the VBAC, but if something comes up that makes that not work out for you, don't feel guilty because you've put so much of your heart and mind into this, you are doing the best you can. It's all any of us can do! You'll be in my prayers.

momemommy
08-26-2009, 08:48 PM
Oh Mama your post made me teary eyed!!! First off I want to say how incredible it is to have your DH serving for our county & for you to be so supportive of that! Kudos to you!!
I think the ultimate decision of how the birth turns out is left to the man upstairs regardless of you knowing this little detail of the possibilty of DH coming home! Stick with your plan for a VBAC otherwise you'll kick yourself in years to come! I can tell it's what you really want & you know deep down you deserve to give it a shot!! Isn't it more important to you to have at least tried & *possibly* "failed" then to not have tried at all? And think 3-4 months of DH being home.....then he goes back....won't that be harder for you & your lo's?
Stay strong Mama (like you have been)!! Go for the VBAC!!!

wordmama
08-27-2009, 07:00 AM
Mama - how great that your hubby's unit understands and supports your family and your health. What a blessing.

I would use this information not to undermine your VBAC, but to support it. You no longer have to fear the "what if's" and can fully concentrate on your ideal birth. Without the worry of how you would possibly cope should you have a CS, now you can relax and know that however things turn out, you will have a positive experience. The rest is up to baby and the fates!

Weezy6703
08-27-2009, 07:32 AM
((HUGS))

duck411
08-27-2009, 07:40 AM
oh my :thud: talk about killing a gals motivation.

gypsysheart
08-27-2009, 08:13 AM
I would use this information not to undermine your VBAC, but to support it. You no longer have to fear the "what if's" and can fully concentrate on your ideal birth. Without the worry of how you would possibly cope should you have a CS, now you can relax and know that however things turn out, you will have a positive experience. The rest is up to baby and the fates!

This is what I was going to say.Take it as a mind easer.

NJMommy
08-27-2009, 08:14 AM
I think you should see this as good news. Stick with your plan for a vbac, but know that if things don't work out and you have to have the c section, you will have help. And at least you tried!! I don't think this has to be negative at all. Just remember your conviction to have the vbac, and think back to that horrible experience you had with the first c section, and know you would like to avoid that. I too am trying for a vbac, and my hubby isn't very supportive...he'll straight out tell me I am gonna have another c section! Grr!

stephie_j24
08-27-2009, 08:25 AM
Mama - how great that your hubby's unit understands and supports your family and your health. What a blessing.

I would use this information not to undermine your VBAC, but to support it. You no longer have to fear the "what if's" and can fully concentrate on your ideal birth. Without the worry of how you would possibly cope should you have a CS, now you can relax and know that however things turn out, you will have a positive experience. The rest is up to baby and the fates!

You're right... that's a very good point. I'm trying to think of it that way. I just feel guilty even considering the possibility of a c/s when I had been so adamantly "that will NOT happen" before.

Thank you all for making me feel less crazy about it.

Divalicious Mama
08-27-2009, 09:42 AM
Hugs mama,so sorry to hear that. But I totally agree with all the PP. Just have faith in yourself & your body mama & I'm sure you can do it =). Don't be to hard on yourself though if it does come down to you having to have a C-Sec. it is beyond your control. I will keep you in my prayers though that you get your VBAC. Good luck mama,stay strong & hold in there,you can do it!

Sarah0903
08-27-2009, 09:56 AM
HUGS! I know that you would want DH to be there, and it would be nice. On the other hand, the pain of healing would not be so nice. I know that oyu are a strong mama and can do this VBAC!!! Keep your mind to it and it will happen! HUGS

Bethannp
08-27-2009, 11:22 AM
:hugs: That is hard. I can totally understand wanting to have you DH home.

Heatherdoodle
08-27-2009, 01:36 PM
Mama - how great that your hubby's unit understands and supports your family and your health. What a blessing.

I would use this information not to undermine your VBAC, but to support it. You no longer have to fear the "what if's" and can fully concentrate on your ideal birth. Without the worry of how you would possibly cope should you have a CS, now you can relax and know that however things turn out, you will have a positive experience. The rest is up to baby and the fates!

I think this says it perfectly and I could not have worded it better. Do not give up on your vision of having a VBAC you can do it but it is good to know that things will work out for you if the unexpected happens it is good to have on the back burner that you will have the help and support you need just incase.:hugs: