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View Full Version : Would you tell family or not? UPDATE!


Toby_99833
10-21-2009, 02:55 PM
So we have been having name issues. Not that we cannot pick a name, but that people (mostly family) feels it is there place to say not so nice things. They range from really nasty to just unsupportive/annoying.

When I was pregnant with DD and we told everyone we were going to name her Logan by brother, who BTW said and still maintains he is not having kids ever, got "mad" and gave me a hard time for "taking their name". My mom kept suggesting other names and my dad could care less. BTW Logan is HIS middle name so she was named after HIM and he didn't care. He just wanted to know why we would name a girl Logan. My IL's didn't like it as a girls name either. Everyone is okay with it now.

With this baby we told people some ideas we had for names. My MIL's reaction to one of our names was "I'm not calling any grandchild of my Orien. If you name him that I will call him something else." :yuck: as well as "That is just a stupid name. Why don't you just name him Ryan. No one is going to use the stupid O anyway and just call him Ryan. Isn't he going to get made fun of?" Well the only Orien I ever knew was one of the coolest kids in school and was never made fun of for his name. :headscratch: My moms reaction to the name we picked for a girl (Izzy Belle) was "Why don't you just name her Isabelle and call her Izzy? It just seems pointless to me." Well it seems cute to me.:banghead:

So we have officially picked a name, but we are not telling anyone because I don't want to hear anyones opinions as they don't actually matter. We just tell everyone that we are undecided.

While it is not the biggest deal in the world I feel a little hurt by the comments and kind of want them to know that they comments have driven us to keep the name secret. So my question is would you tell them that we have a name and are keeping it a secret due to past negative comments OR would you just keep up with the "we don't know yet" bit?

Sorry this is long! TIA:goodvibes:

alybeth
10-21-2009, 03:13 PM
I personally would probably just tell them that they will get to find out when the baby is born. I wouldn't come out and tell them that you decided to keep it a secret because of past reactions, but if they asked why you were keeping it a secret would say something along those lines. I wouldn't answer in a negative way, but just something a long the lines of that you have been hurt by previous comments made, and so you have decided to keep the name to yourself until the baby is born.
Our family does not know this baby's name, in part because we are keeping the gender a surprise even. However even if everyone did know the gender, we still would not have told anyone else the name this time around.
BTW my DS's name is Logan, but I do LOVE it as a girl's name. =)

katesmash
10-21-2009, 03:20 PM
I LOVE Logan as a girls name... that's what I wanted to use for #2 if it's a girl but DH is really really frustrating me and keeps vetoing all the names I picked. I tried compromising and using Logan for a boy but he still says it's too close to his aunt's last name (Lowan)

As for your situation... it's none of their business what you decide to name your child, because it is YOUR child. If you feel comfortable keeping up with the "haven't decided yet", go for it... but once your LO is born you are obviously going to have to tell them :giggle: and be prepared for the response whether they like it or hate it... it will be your LO's name either way.
(i think its SO rude to say things like "why would you name your kid _____" and I can't stand people who do that! it's one thing if you and your DH disagree on the names you like, it's a whole other thing when other family members butt in)

Toby_99833
10-21-2009, 03:26 PM
I personally would probably just tell them that they will get to find out when the baby is born. I wouldn't come out and tell them that you decided to keep it a secret because of past reactions, but if they asked why you were keeping it a secret would say something along those lines. I wouldn't answer in a negative way, but just something a long the lines of that you have been hurt by previous comments made, and so you have decided to keep the name to yourself until the baby is born.
Our family does not know this baby's name, in part because we are keeping the gender a surprise even. However even if everyone did know the gender, we still would not have told anyone else the name this time around.
BTW my DS's name is Logan, but I do LOVE it as a girl's name. =)

Thanks! I don't want to be malicious (spelling???) so not rubbing it in right off the bat is probably a good idea.:giggle:

Logan was originally our boy name, but then we figured out it was a girl and couldn't decide on a girl name. We really only liked Logan so we just stuck with that.:giggle2:

I LOVE Logan as a girls name... that's what I wanted to use for #2 if it's a girl but DH is really really frustrating me and keeps vetoing all the names I picked. I tried compromising and using Logan for a boy but he still says it's too close to his aunt's last name (Lowan)

Thank you! It took some convincing with DH to keep the name Logan for a girl, but he had no other ideas and it grew on him. Now we couldn't imagine her being named anything else.

I would tell him "Well it is a good thing that he is not going to have his aunts last name then.":giggle:

Toby_99833
10-21-2009, 03:30 PM
As for your situation... it's none of their business what you decide to name your child, because it is YOUR child. If you feel comfortable keeping up with the "haven't decided yet", go for it... but once your LO is born you are obviously going to have to tell them :giggle: and be prepared for the response whether they like it or hate it... it will be your LO's name either way.
(i think its SO rude to say things like "why would you name your kid _____" and I can't stand people who do that! it's one thing if you and your DH disagree on the names you like, it's a whole other thing when other family members butt in)

Yeah I figure once we put the name on the birth cirtificate that we may at least quell some of the comments because it "can't" be changed.

I think comments like "why would you name your kid ____" are totally rude to. Plus it is not like we are trying to name our child Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii (a little girl was actually named this, before a judge legally changed it:giggle:). Our list of names were names like Andrew, Orien, Jackson and Liam.

Layna
10-21-2009, 03:44 PM
I would keep it a secret :)

With DD, we kept getting wierd comments. Honestly, what's wrong with Jessi? People just have to pick at everything. I finally got fed up with it and when family would ask what her name was going to be I'd just say "We're not telling, because we got sick of peoples rude inputs".

This time, we honestly have no idea. We've finally decided to give up and wait until he's born to name him. So now we can honestly say we don't know.. which is what we'll keep on saying if we do decide on a name.

MW69842
10-21-2009, 04:23 PM
It's your baby and you can name him/her whatever you choose. They have no say in that. They've already named their children (if they have any). ;)

For us - we had DD's name picked out just before the anatomy scan (at not quite 22 weeks) and no one knew I was pregnant prior to that. So, when we announced the pregnancy (a week later), we just said "We're expecting a baby girl to be named Makenna Mae on July 16, 2007."

No one questioned us. No one said anything about our name choice. They probably figured it wasn't open for discussion. ;)

For our LO #2, who has yet to be conceived, we have names picked out again. And I've discussed them (briefly) with my mom, who just told me which she liked and which she didn't.

THBVsMama
10-21-2009, 05:16 PM
We had the issue with this baby. Everyone felt entitled to throw in their opinions as if their opinions would change our minds. Just remember that this is DH's & your baby -- not yours, DH's, and your mom's/MIL's.

FrozenFlame22
10-21-2009, 06:44 PM
That's one of the great things of being a parent. You can name your babies whatever you want and the rest of the world can just take a long walk off a short pier. Stick by your name choices, mama! If they want to have some input on the name, then they can have that input with their own babies. Especially your parents and DH's parents, they had their turn when they had you.

We were also struggling with the name and I didn't want to tell anyone. Last time we had a baby, we also got lots of unwanted advice and comments from just about everyone, so we're keeping it to ourselves this time. This way we can say "Sorry, that's her name and we're not changing it." For anyone that asks if we're ever going to choose a name, we just tell that we have and they'll find out what it is in a couple of weeks.

Kaboom
10-21-2009, 08:05 PM
Right there with you! When I was pregnant with Finn we had originally settled on Declan, but I never got ANY good feedback and it made we wonder if it was a 'good' name. After going through a few more names (Cohen, Pierson, Jack) I finally decided on Finnegan, but because of all the negative feedback from all the other names I chose not to tell anyone (he didn't have a name until a week AFTER I was due! Lucky for me he was 2 weeks past dates, LOL). When he was born and my sister called and asked his name, I said "Finnegan Blake :)" and she (and I kid you not) said, "Are you serious? Is that a joke? Did you really name him that?" In a RUDE tone of voice. I had to deal with a lot of crap the first few months with his name, but I'm SO glad we went with a name WE loved.

Then the other day I told my mom (for this baby due in April) we liked June for a girl and she played the, "I won't call her that, I'll call her somethign else!" card - I told her no she wouldn't, or she wouldn't be allowed to come visit ANY of our children and they wouldn't be allowed to visit her because if she was so superficial and rude as to NOT call our child by her name simply because she didn't like it, then I didn't want that influence around the kids.

She shut up. LOL

geewhiz
10-21-2009, 08:41 PM
We always keep the name secret until birth. There is less complaints from the commoners that way ;) Everybody had an opinion on our possible names but not one person made a comment after we officially named him.

If people bug me about it i fully plan on making up a strange name. If any of my relatives ask, if its a girl we're going with Brunhilda and if its a boy we're naming him Elizabeth ;)

Toby_99833
10-22-2009, 09:32 AM
So I could hurt DH right now. We have been having this conversation all week. Should we tell it is a secret or just keep saying we haven't picked?

Yesterday we had like an hour long conversation and decided that we would tell people it was a secret, but play it off like it was for "fun" as to not start any drama.

I don't think I mentioned this in my first post, but the name we picked was Owen Michael. Well we go to pick up our DD at my MIL house and she is talking about the baby and refers to him as Owen. :headscratch: Uh what?

DH just looks at me and asks, "Is that alright?" He had told her WEEKS ago! She didn't know that it was supposed to be a secret so by no means am I mad at her, but DH lied to me this whole time and carried on these conversations with me knowing that his parents knew the whole time! Ohhhh I could kill him!

Now I have to tell my parents because that is just super not fair. Thanks for all the support and input, but it is a moot point now.:banghead:

Kaboom
10-22-2009, 10:58 AM
Men. UGH.

tiffanybrooklyn
10-22-2009, 11:18 AM
you could always tell them after baby is born that you knew the name for a little while before but were scared to get your feelings hurt by their comments. Then it's already DONE! That's what we did witht he sex of #2. Everyone thought we didn't know until, suprise, we were at the hospital with only little pink outfits :) BOL!

Layna
10-22-2009, 11:29 AM
Ugh!! What are you supposed to say when they say "is that alright"... Um, NO, take it back and un-tell her. Haha. I guess she'll be suprised if you guys change your mind on the name. At least it seems like she's ok with it and didn't say anything bad about it.

Pyrodjm
10-22-2009, 12:35 PM
We refused to tell the boy and girl names we picked until DD was born because I didn't want to deal with people's opinions. Plus we changed our minds a few times during the pregnancy. I'm sensitive to my family's opinion and no one would dare to say anything about a name while staring at the beautiful newborn it belongs to. It worked out well and everyone love's the name we chose or at least they say they do. LOL.