wwyd re: pickey eater?

[MomOfSJandL]

Another whay would you do thread :) My son, who is 4 years old, is becoming an insanely pickey eater! It has come to the point where my options seem to be chicken nuggets, fish sticks, hot dogs, french toast, cereal, and pudding. I know there is more he eats, but you see the trend... except for the french toast, everything he eats comes out of a box! The options I could think of are in the poll, but I am sure you ladies could think of more. I have been making him either eat the dinner or go to bed hungry, but most nights he doesn't eat, then he eats double breakfast, or sometimes he eats more lunch. I just don't know what to do - it scares me that 1. he always wants prepackaged foods (and currently it's all he's eating) and 2. he goes to bed most nights hungry. It's not like I am a bad cook - and he wont even something simple for dinner like spaghetti and meatballs - something the rest of the family likes. Thanks for any input or suggestions you could offer!
Shellie

[ecwalke]

My son eats 3 breakfasts and picks at his dinner. I think it's pretty normal. All kids about 4-6 get picky.

[lmvanzee]

My DS is the same way and he has to have at least 1 bite of each thing on his plate before he can have a PB&J which he has to make himself or he goes to bed hungry.

His other trick is eating a couple bites and then asking to be excused, but I tell him that diner time is when we eat and once he leave dinner is done. and there are no snacks later.

[cassieJJ]

In my house you don't have to eat, but a child won't starve themselves. We won't serve as separate dinner, we don't save the food said child doesn't eat at lunch and make them eat it later, we don't give them a hard time or punish them for not eating, we just make sure that they know it is their choice.

My dd is picky, yes she complains when I tell her she has to eat her veggies/fruit if she wants dessert. That doesn't mean I'm going to let her be unhealthy.

[oscarandbabys]

this is what i would, maybe im "mean mommy" , who cares :giggle: i would have him sit and eat his dinner. What you make and what everyone else eats. If he doesnt eat then he will get that for breakfast! for lunch!

My dd is the same way but i make her have at least 5 bites then she is done. That is the rule and she knows it!

All my dd will eat:

breakfast: has to be eggs! so i will make her an egg sandwich or egg quesadilla or just a plain sunny side up egg. She doesnt like any sort of pancake waffle french toast. She used to eat oatmeal with me every morning but not anymore. She hates cereal

lunch: either sandwich, or hot dogs (no bun she doesnt like 'em) or whatever else we have.

snacks: all i have for them is fruits.

Dinner: Either some sort of chicken or pork. She loves corn and she will eat carrots................. i cant think of anything else at the moment.

dessert i have pudding and sometimes icecream

[2under2]

if my kids don't eat their dinner then no desert. if i can tell they really really don't like it ( my youngest will gag and shudder :giggle: ) then yes i will fix them something else. otherwise you eat what is there, i have a 4 yo and a 3 yo who can be picky at times but it evens out

[ariandsofiesmom]

My son is starting to say he does not like things when has liked them in the past. If he does eat his dinner, then he is not allowed to have a snack...and I do not make special meals. As the pp said, I do not make him eat it the next day either.

[mmlsmom]

hmmm.. thats a tough one. my kids ( as my 2 year old is a monkey see monkey do!) have gone through that and i can say it is a phase (or "power struggle" as my mother calls it- because i have given in many times just to get SOMETHING in them and they KNOW i will so I lose!) For what its worth here is what we did:
1) I will not be a short order cook in my own house all persons at this table will eat what is served or they leave the table hungry.( I'm not serving liver:giggle: )
2) we removed all packaged foods- they get enough fun kiddy food at daycare and i cook on the weekends and days off to fill freezer and thaw or reheat on busy nights (my husband is also an ethusiastic cook so he helps out too)
3) got my 4 year old involved in shopping and preparing "healthy for my body" foods and she is responsible for helping make groccery lists and setting table
4) is this fool proof? NO has it made dinner less stressful? yes does she leave the table having only eaten 1 bite of roast chicken and 2 carrots and milk? yep does she still drive me crazy? thank God yes!
GOOD LUCK

[ndmama]

my dd is only two but we went through this with my nephew at about 4. my sil's ped and my ped both said the same thing: a kid will NOT starve him/herself. also, i would stay far away from offering him something special...he'll expect it forever! I have an aunt with 6 kids, and she cooks 7 meals every night (whatever each kid wants and then dinner for her and my uncle) :headscratch:

i don't know if this is a good idea or not but if you got really frustrated, maybe save his dinner and reheat it for his breakfast? i don't really think i like the idea though.

eta: i see as i was typing some people addressed the making them eat it the next day thing...

[5babyz4me]

I have 2 picky eaters (although my 4 yod is outgrowing it.) I would get the boxed food out the house first. It's not helping him to have it around. I also would not double up on breakfast or lunch. I definitely wouldn't let him pick something different from the family. That will turn you into a short order cook and send the message that he should get whatever he wants.

With my 7 yod, I took out all the "bad" foods she loved. I told her they would not come back into the house until she started to eat the better foods. She's gone on hunger strikes a couple of times. But now she's finally coming around to eating better. We have a family rule that if you don't like something you must at least eat your age plus one more than your age. And they have to show us the bite or it doesn't count. LOL!!!! We also don't give snacks in they don't eat but they only snack in the AM & PM so nighttime they have gone to bed hungry. My oldest has started making cookies for dessert but no one eats it unless the plate is cleaned. And yes, she's gone without before.

That said, I also try to serve foods that I know she'll eat from the better list. My whole family loves my big pot of stew but that child won't touch it. I've tried everything. I used to make it where it would last us 3-4 nights (I used a huge stock pot.) Now I make enough for two night or leftovers for lunch. That has helped her knowing she won't have to eat it all the time. She also doesn't care for some of the beans that I make. We put steak sauce (homemade) on it to help AND I don't give her as big of a bowl so she feels like she's making progress when she does eat it.

Another thing that helped with her was involving her in the menu planning and cooking. She's not passionate about the kitchen like her sister but she does get in a help me. She makes our salad every night. That turned her around on eating salads and now she devours them.

These are just suggestions. Sometimes the going to bed hungry has backfired but that was why I stopped serving the stew so often. LOL!!! I am not mean about it. I am patient. I just don't believe in catering to the child. They are part of the family and need to learn to eat with us. Plus they need to learn to eat foods that aren't appealing to them. There would be nothing more embarrassing than to have them go to someone else's house and tell them they won't eat because they don't like something.

[kryssie]

I would serve regular family dinner foods and just give those foods to him. Make him try one or two bites of each, and then just leave it be and let him sit there at the dinner table (because IMO that's important family time) until everyone's done and then he can be excused. I would also do the whole if you don't eat your dinner, you don't get dessert. Children will not let themselves starve. IMO, its a matter of reintroducing him to new flavours and textures that exist with homecooked food and letting him know that thats what he gets to eat.

[krispy79]

Hmm, I have to say serve him whatever everyone else is eating, but somehow make it his choice...maybe let him make his own plate and decide how much of everything he is going to eat (even if it is only the smallest serving). Or have him help you prepare dinner, food always taste better when you worked for it.
But I don't think that you should give in and make him something different or special each night, not unless you want to do that for the next 14 years. I know 2 women with teenagers who have picky eaters and they both have to make 2-3 dinners each night to accommodate everyone.

[z2akids]

Mine are required to eat at least one bit of everything on their plate. If they want dessert, they have to eat everything that is on their plate. If they eat a bite of everything they can go on to whatever they like on their plate. After they finish that, I will allow them to make a pb sandwich, unless I think they just prefer pb that day.

[ja*smom]

I didn't read all responses, so this may have been suggested already. I allow my son to help with something, anything, involved in preparing the food. He is still a fairly picky eater, but I've found that if he gets to help make it he is more likely to EAT it.

If he just flat out refuses to eat then whatever. The rule in this house is....you eat what mama cooks or you don't eat at all. Period. I don't care who you are, guest, child, family, husband. This is the rule and everyone abides by it. I am no short order cook!!

ETA: I see a lot of mention of dessert, now that I've gone back and read some. Maybe we are the odd ones out, but we never have dessert unless it's a special occasion.

[Sky,Air&Oce'sMommy]

I didn't read all responses, so this may have been suggested already. I allow my son to help with something, anything, involved in preparing the food. He is still a fairly picky eater, but I've found that if he gets to help make it he is more likely to EAT it.

If he just flat out refuses to eat then whatever. The rule in this house is....you eat what mama cooks or you don't eat at all. Period. I don't care who you are, guest, child, family, husband. This is the rule and everyone abides by it. I am no short order cook!!

ETA: I see a lot of mention of dessert, now that I've gone back and read some. Maybe we are the odd ones out, but we never have dessert unless it's a special occasion.

Same here! If I try a completely new dish and I am concerned the kids won't like it, I let them help me prepare it and they are more willing to try it. Most nights = they eat what I cook. Plan and simple. 1 night a week I let my kiddos pick dinner. Most the time it is cereal or mac & cheese (which I don't like, and they know it but I eat with them anyway.) And rule of thumb at our dinner table. If there is something they like on their plates and they eat all of it and they want more, they have to take a bite of everything that is on their plate before they get seconds. My kids know now not to even ask for anything more until they have tried all of it. It took my son several dinners to finally enjoy green beans but now he asks for them all the time! (DS is 5 btw) And we never do dessert after unless it is a special occasion as well..

[wiredpsyche]

If it were me...

I would just stop buying the packaged meals. When they're gone, they're gone and make that clear to him. (He can choose to save them for special treats or eat them all, whichever he wants).

I'd allow him to help plan meals. I'd give him choices that I like and then he could pick from them. I would cook what he picked without complaint, even if I was really hoping for the other option.

I'd add more finger foods - looks to me like most of what you have listed could be finger foods (except maybe the pudding). He may be protesting the way he has to eat the food more than the food itself. So in the example of the sphaghetti and meatballs, try ziti and mini meatballs instead, light on the sauce so it makes less of a mess.

HTH!

Another whay would you do thread :) My son, who is 4 years old, is becoming an insanely pickey eater! It has come to the point where my options seem to be chicken nuggets, fish sticks, hot dogs, french toast, cereal, and pudding. I know there is more he eats, but you see the trend... except for the french toast, everything he eats comes out of a box! The options I could think of are in the poll, but I am sure you ladies could think of more. I have been making him either eat the dinner or go to bed hungry, but most nights he doesn't eat, then he eats double breakfast, or sometimes he eats more lunch. I just don't know what to do - it scares me that 1. he always wants prepackaged foods (and currently it's all he's eating) and 2. he goes to bed most nights hungry. It's not like I am a bad cook - and he wont even something simple for dinner like spaghetti and meatballs - something the rest of the family likes. Thanks for any input or suggestions you could offer!
Shellie

[addys_mommy]

My son is still at 6 is still very picky. At first I made him eat what ever I had made for dinner and then it got to the point were dinner had become an argueing match for me and him. I got to the point where I just wanted to be able to sit down and enjoy dinner with the family instead of fighting the whole time with him. So I allow him to eat what he wants after he has had two bites of whatever the main course is. He has actually started to like and eat the same foods as the rest of the family. But I now enjoy dinner with my family much more and I think he does to. If you are worried about him getting enough nutrition try to get him to drink some pediasure or take a daily vitamin.

[Miles]

When my oldest was that age I allowed her to eat so much of what I cooked. If she didnt eat that was it, we did save it for later as if she did get hungry that was her choice to eat that nothing else. If she didnt want it then it was up to her. A child wont starve themselves, I wouldnt allow her to drink anything either so she couldnt fill up on that. As long as your child eats some of what you cook I wouldnt stress it, but Id be sure they eat what you cooked not something else.

[NorahsMom]

I didn't vote because I have no idea. I'm having the same problem with my 2 1/2-year-old. She's all about pasta and cheese. She'll eat some fruits, but mostly canned ones. Oh, she also likes peanut butter. Basically, I just serve the food and whatever she eats, she eats. Whatever she doesn't, she doesn't. I've stopped letting myself stress over vegetables not eaten. As long as I offer them several times a day, I feel like I've done my job. I've read that kids have to be exposed to a food like 8 to 10 times before they'll try it, so I just keep putting out different kinds of food (and eating them myself).

If dd doesn't eat dinner, heck if I'll give her a snack before bed. My mom thinks I'm so mean, but that's the rule. If she's extra hungry in the morning and eats extra breakfast, fine. I am hungrier at different times of the day, too. I'm also hungrier on some days than others.

In the end, I've decided to let up on the stress, offer healthy foods, model healthy eating, and hope for the best. :dunno: Eating is for nourishment and I don't want to charge it with emotion or power struggles, so the battles just aren't worth it to me. I don't like requiring a child to eat certain foods because I know what it's like to genuinely detest something and be forced to eat it. Not right. For me, food has always been a very personal thing and I'm willing to let my children decide for themselves what they like and don't like. That said, I'm certainly not above hiding vegetables in the food dd likes.

[MinkaK]

I would serve regular family dinner foods and just give those foods to him. Make him try one or two bites of each, and then just leave it be and let him sit there at the dinner table (because IMO that's important family time) until everyone's done and then he can be excused. I would also do the whole if you don't eat your dinner, you don't get dessert. Children will not let themselves starve. IMO, its a matter of reintroducing him to new flavours and textures that exist with homecooked food and letting him know that thats what he gets to eat.

I agree. I also always have a snack after dinner, if ds doesn't eat dinner he can have some snack with me but it is just that-a snack ( usually some fruit and cheese or yogurt)

[kimb96]

I will put up with pickiness to a point. For 18 months ds ate a turkey sandwich on whole wheat every single day for lunch. It was a good healthy lunch so I didn't fight it. He has texture issues due to his reflux which mainly affects his meat consumption. He hates the texture of meat. But he will eat boca patties. I will microwave him a boca patty in place of meat at dinner. But that's about it. I refuse to be a short order cook. He gets what we get. he either eats or doesn't. If he doesn't eat dinner, he doesn't get anything else to eat that night. I only introduce one new food at a time. So there is always 2-3 things on the table I know he likes. I fix his plate and the rule is he must take at least one bite of everything and he cannot have seconds until he has finished everything on his plate.

Mama, I'd quit serving the prepackaged foods. He won't starve himself. He will eat better things if there are no alternatives.

[labrae]

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but you asked for advice.... He can't eat that stuff if you don't buy it, you know? I think you're doing the right thing with dinner, but if he keeps getting this stuff for lunch, for him, it's not going to work. You know, what I would do is only give him one serving of the nuggets or whatever, and everything else on the plate is fruit or veggies, and other healthy things. And don't pressure him, just tell him you need to include all the food groups (teach him about these a little bit), and that once he's had his protein serving, that was it.

[Erin318]

I haven't read all of the responses, but here's my :2cents:

If possible, have him help shop and prepare the meal. Try to make healthy versions of his favorites. Like buying chicken breasts and coating them in crunched up corn flakes. Try serving fruits and veggies that he can dip. I would try to include something at every meal that he likes, even if it's just a fruit or veggie.

I don't like the idea of keeping the supper and serving it for breakfast. No sense in rehashing the struggle from the night before, especially since he doesn't have a problem with breakfast foods.

[luvsviola]

We require a courtesy bite of each food. I would personally make him eat one bite of everything on his plate, but after that, make at least one food that he likes.

[Drearina]

Dinner is dinner in my house. You don't have to eat it but there's no other option. I just keep giving her the same food over and over and over. But I do give her regular breakfast if she chooses not to eat.

[mommy2gr8kids78]

I have a couple picky eaters myself! What I do is take veggies and incorporate them into other things. For instance, I take carrots and grind them up in the food processor and add them to super cheesy Kraft mac and cheese! They eat it up and get their veggies in. Or I serve them grilled cheese on multigrain bread and use a cookie cutter to cut out a fun shape and then they'll eat it! Just try to think up some things that would seem appealing to a child to get the extras in!

[doublebk]

I would tell him that what I make is what we are eating. Dont make him a special meal. If he chooses not to eat, fine, he can go to bed hungry. Get all the food you dont want him to eat out of the house. You are the one who buys it, so if you dont buy it it is no longer an option. He wont starve himself. My mdd is starting to be picky after she never has been before. If she doesnt eat, oh well. Her choices for breakfast are all healthy. I have a ton of fresh fruit always available and my kids eat stuff like block cheese slices, grapes, bananas, apples, cottage cheese, and healthy cereals like cheerios. I got rid of fruit snacks and chips and stuff I didnt want them eating.

We also dont eat dessert unless it is a special occasion. If they do want a bed time snack it is one of the above mentioned ones.

[tonewinwy]

I've always been a picky eater I very rarely eat veggies. If it's not pre cooked comes from a box, or doesn't come from some type of fast food resturant I don't have much to do with it.

I feed my Nephews Breakfast and lunch M-Th sometimes I even feed them dinner. Sometimes they both want the same thing other times they want different things. They do pretty good about eating Veggies if I offer it to them or they ask for it. The same with Fruit. I won't keep food away from them if they don't want to eat something or try something I'll always offer them something else. My Sister does the same thing.

[MomOfSJandL]

Thank you all for your open honesty and wonderful suggestions! I have to admit, it would be difficult to get ALL the prepackaged foods out of the hosue. DH eats them, and when I take one away, my son will go to another. I have gotten a lot of it out of the house. We used to have chips, etc in the house, but I stopped buying that. If hubby wants chips for a game, I will make them. :) But then he started eating crackers and popcorn. Decidedly healtheir, but not perfect, right?

I am not a fan of the serve it the next day camp, but that is what my parents are telling me to do. I have a tendency to feed him too much snack because I know he hasn't eaten, or won't eat... etc. I need to stop doing that. Problem is, my daughter (who is 6) doesn't eat. She is tube fed due to some medical problems she has. She will eat soft textured foods (scrambled eggs, apple sauce, etc) but I have no idea how a healthy child of his age eats. How much food should a 4 year old eat? He's in the 1st % for height and the 30th or so for weight. My family is small (I'm 5', my mom is 4'6") and so is my husbands, although not as small as mine ;) That being said, he will eat one pancake or one piece of french toast, and I call it a good day. For lunch, 3 chicken nuggets (4 if I coerce) is as much as he eats. I get the frfruits in as snacks - half an apple and some crackers for one and a handful of grapes and maybe some popcorn for the other. Then at dinner, I am lucky if he eats a few bites of meat, maybe a few grains of rice. He absolutely won't eat potatoes unless they are fried in some manner. Hardly any pasta at all. No veggies. no casseroles, no stew.... I feel like I am at the end of the food rope here, that if I take away ALL prepackaged foods that he might become the first ever anorexic toddler! :) Thanks for listening - and for your suggestions!
Shellie

[brittone2]

Our way of handling it is that we don't short order cook. I cook one dinner (try to incorporate things they like but we don't regularly do kid food like chicken nuggets or fish sticks). I will leave a sauce off or modify things like that within reason, but I don't cook something separate.

if they don't want what we have, their other option is (unsweetened greek) yogurt, or by 4, DS could make himself a PB&J. But I won't cook a 2nd dinner.

eta: I'm not comfortable with a courtesy/no thank you bite (for my family) or refeeding food to my kids (DH often takes leftovers they didn't touch for his lunch at work). They'll often eat leftovers but I don't require it, kwim?