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FindingMercy 03-12-2013 03:37 PM

How does the formula bashing affect you?
Just curious.

As foster and adoptive moms who don't often have breastmilk even as an option, how does all the breastfeeding v. formula feeding debating that often turns into comments about the evils of formula (it's full of chemicals, babies on formula can't be considered thriving, yadda, yadda, yadda) make you feel about being a formula feeding mom?

~*~Sunflower~*~ 03-12-2013 04:39 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
It makes me very self-conscious when I go out. I have spent nearly half of my life breastfeeding & then I go out & get dirty looks while I am bottle feeding a foster child! It has definitely made me less judgmental myself - you never know why a person is doing what they are doing, you have not lived another person' life, so who am I to judge what someone else does?

Plus,I know alot of adults who were raised on formula (myself included) who survived it okay. many are actually healthy! I'm sure its better now than it was all those years ago! ;)

Beth. 03-12-2013 07:18 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
If it weren't for amino acid formula, I would have a child with significant issues. She's 2 - looks like she's 4. We get the looks because she still drinks from a bottle. So what. I'm so thankful for the a/a formula on a week like this one where we had to pull back foods we thought she was tolerating. We're back to beef, turkey, bread and the few fruits/vegs she will actually put in her mouth. Without formula, she would be FTT. With the formula, she's the height/weight she should be and happy. She's trying to read and spell, is writing all of her letters and can climb anything. I'm so thankful the right formula is available for her.

Belle1002 03-12-2013 07:35 PM

I get slightly offended when people just assume that I don't know better and try to lecture me on the benefits of BFing, but I understand that most people are just trying to be helpful and don't realize how they come across. I could have pumped my body full of chemicals and hormones so that I could give birth to a child whom I could BF, but it was my choice to pursue a family by a different means. Sure, had things been different, I would have liked to be able to BF, but I have no regrets in FFing my children. My pediatrician and I are amazed at how healthy my LOs are, given all the issues they "should" have (according to statistics). There are many reasons that parents would choose to FF, but unfortunately others are often quick to jump to conclusions.

anne_josh 03-13-2013 01:13 AM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
I haven't adopted an infant, but can I just say that (especially after taking foster/adopt classes) people who lecture strangers about bottlefeeding make me want to scream? There are babies who would love to have their biggest "problem" be that they are fed formula. For crying out loud, find a real problem to focus your time and energy on.

FindingMercy 03-13-2013 06:30 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
Glad I'm not alone in being annoyed by it.

It's really hard for me after everything I went through to be able to breastfeed our son whom we adopted, but then had to stop because of all of his health issues and him needing to be on amino acid formula.

I get so frustrated by those who think they would never use formula, because the reality is they just have never been put in a position where that is truly the only choice besides letting their child starve. There's just a huge lack of understanding and compassion.

I feel like when hard core breastfeeding advocates speak they complete ignore our sector of the population. They think we are exempt from their comments because we have no choice but to formula feed, as though we shouldn't be hurt by what they say. But who wouldn't be hurt by some of the awful things they say?

Msheidiann 03-13-2013 07:26 PM

Oh goodness, YES. It drives me batty, and hurts my feelings. As if I am less of a mom because we ff!!

I agree that hard core breastfeeding advocates totally ignore our population!!! and I have even gotten the "why didn't you try to induce lactation" speech!!

Of course us foster/adoptive mamas know that many of our kiddos are much better off being fed period!!! doesn't really matter how. A good mama (foster/adoptive/whatever) FEEDS her baby! Period. Shouldn't matter how.

I guess the thing that bugs me the most, and sort of breaks my heart, is the "you won't be bonded" bit. UGH. I am T's mama. We are incredibly bonded. Period!

Beth. 03-13-2013 07:40 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
I guess for me it's those extreme type people that are so easy to ignore. Hard core right to life folks that think killing docs is saving babies, for example. Good for them that feeding their kids the "right way" is so easy or right or whatever for them. I'll feed my kid and you feed yours. You want to judge me on how I feed my kid? Okay, I'll judge you and put you in the "she's nuts" category.

luvsviola 03-13-2013 09:38 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
For me, it shows some people's true judgmental nature. There is so much more to mothering than how baby eats. I'm just happy that my DDs ate with their mouths!

Having a tube fed kiddo makes you re-evaluate a lot of things.

luvbeingmomma 03-13-2013 10:31 PM

Re: How does the formula bashing affect you?
I know I am doing the best that I can for any child in my care so their comment/opinions dont bother me. In an ideal world I would be lactating and be allowed to bf my foster babies, but that is not an option.

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