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homebirthmom 06-10-2011 10:47 PM

for those who were due in Feb 2012 and lost
feel free to chat here. I know of 3 of us now.

I have been up and down since my loss. today being the worst. I think it all settled in.
its really hard to grasp.
I was so worried about the what would happens when I was pregnant and now I feel guilty for not being MORE thankful for getting pregnant so easily.

now I look at my belly, the baby items I had saved and I just feel sad.
I feel even more sad that when I passed the baby I was unable to inspect it and see- I was in an airport with automatic flush. and its killing me inside. I think I would have been more at peace to see it. I have lost 2 others and saw both. it was healing.

anyway, I just need a good :cry:

will any of you try again? I was thinking of becoming a gestational surrogate to heal the pain. I'm not ready for another baby myself but who knows what my life could bring me...

andyoly82 06-11-2011 08:41 AM

I'm sorry mama! I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now :hugs:

Speaking from a mama who has had a little tragedy herself (I was raped a 17 and as a result pregnant) I knew of so many people who longed for a baby and my heart just hurt because I had one I just couldn't care for emotionally. I planned for adoption. I got so sick my parents (who didn't know I was prego) took her home as their own. She is now 10 and the most amazing little sister ever. Watching her grow and my parents strengthen their marriage and their bond has helped me to cope with my feelings. She knows I gave birth to her but calls me sissy. We say I was a surrogate because I don't ever want her to know the truth of her conception. I was able to not bond with my pregnancy because of what I went through which helped but it's still hard sometimes.

I guess what I'm saying is, never feel guilty for getting pregnant easily. Everything happens for a reason and it took me a very long time to see that. Closure is always hard and there will always be a special place in your heart for your little angels!!! Hang in there mama. I'll be praying for you!

homebirthmom 06-11-2011 11:10 AM

Re: for those who were due in Feb 2012 and lost
that was such a sweet story- ending. you had me in tears. I thank you for giving her life :) and a squeeze to your parents for being so awesome and supportive

I know it takes time to heal and each loss is a different circumstance and grieving process. this one just has me up and down. some days better than others

andyoly82 06-11-2011 02:47 PM

Thank you I will! Stay strong mama!!! Don't forget to feel your feelings. Don't bottle them up cry and scream if you need to! Trust me it helps! I'll be Keeping you in my prayers!!

s2grace 06-12-2011 06:24 PM

Re: for those who were due in Feb 2012 and lost
HBM- we were in the same forum last time.. So sorry for your loss.. praying for your healing...

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