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ButtRpies 06-16-2012 01:23 PM

How to convince dh to have another???

Dh STILL says no. I've tried to explain to him; "You know how you can never imagine your life without these kids? Well, that's how I feel about the one I'm missing and you saying we're done". He still doesn't get it.
Ugh. I really wish I could change his mind without "pushing" him into it. My only hope is that he was adament about getting a vasectomy after #3 BUT he decided not to for some reason unknown to me but still is saying we're done. Why can't ANY of my children be the little "opps! miracle"????? I'm on Mirena. Maybe I should get it taken out and tell him that if he wants to prevent another child, he can use a condom then or get with the program of one more????? I don't know. *sigh*
__________________________________________________ _________
So, we have 3 beautiful, healthy children and I want one more. Dh says we're fine and doesn't want any more.
How do I convince him to have another without pushing him into it?
Am I being totally unreasonable?

Back story:
My hubby works in oil & gas so he's in the Southern part of the country ALOT! We're debating moving to a more central location so he can be around more BUT, we're not sure if he will actually BE around more since he travels to where the jobs are, and they're all over. He's sometimes gone 3 months at a time. It's been this wasy for 6 years and I honestly am ok with it. The kids don't know any different and I don't let them miss out on things because he's gone. The only thing they miss is Dad being there at night. BUT, when he's home, it's for 2-3 weeks and he's a more present Dad than some I see that are home every night.
This is dh's reason for why no more.
I want one more. I've always envisioned having 4 kids and don't yet feel complete. If there's one more, I'm done. I don't want any more than 4 mini-me's walking around this earth. We have family in town and around the area that help.

So, what's a Mama to do? I don't want to push him into it but I also can't ignore my feelings on the issue either.
Anyone else been in this situation?

momEmac 06-16-2012 02:48 PM

Have you sat your DH down and explained it that way to him? I just ask because so many ladies I know are afraid to share that kind of thing, but I know my DH would rather I be more open about my reasons. Then when you've explained how you feel ask him to just think about it for a little while, don't expect an immediate answer. Any time I'm approaching a subject like this with my DH, it seems to go well. I don't always get the answer I want , but the majority of the time we have a compromise or I learn to be content with the decision. I hope it all works out for you!

Posted from my iPhone/iPad, probably while breast feeding. Mistakes likey

F1Julie 06-16-2012 04:00 PM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
I wish I had some advise for you, but I am in the same boat. We have 2 together (3 and 1) and I have a 12 year old from a first marriage. I want another baby but DH isn't convinced yet. Good luck!

Nerissa 06-16-2012 05:14 PM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
Good luck. it took my DH a year to come around to #3. I didn't bug or pester him, just stated my feelings/desires as they came up and we talked about our family. While it was hard to wait and be patient I knew we both had to be on the same page. I also knew deep in my heart that he would eventually agree. It just needed to be when he was ready also. I know the boys just 2 years apart was harder for him the first couple years. He stays home with them at least one day a week and does the morning detail--getting everyone up, dressed, off to daycare. Plus we didn't want 3 kids in daycare at one time.

ButtRpies 06-28-2012 08:56 PM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
:) I figure I've got 2 years to get him on the same page as me. I've talked to him about it but his response is always the same, "We have 3 healthy kids. 3 is enough. Do you know how much they're going to cost as teenagers and college students? 3 is enough". Ugh. How do you respond to THAT kind of frontal lobe logic??!! I'm thinking with my heart here! I see an empty seat at the table that I feel is meant to have another child there and an empty bedroom that I feel another child belongs in. There's just this longing for my dream of 4. When he says stuff like that, it makes me feel that I'm completely unreasonable about wanting another. And then he'll ask me, "How do you know that if we have 4 you won't feel this way and want 5?" Ugh. Man logic. ;)

txmommytobe 06-29-2012 05:29 AM

I have been in your shoes! Hugs!! It seriously just took time and me being very honest about my feelings. For a long time it was definitely not the right time for us but eventually DH came around and now we are trying for #4.t other kids are older 9,7,5 almost 6. So it has taken a while but I am excited about having another. If and when we are blessed with another DH will be having a vasectomy. That is something he is adamant about and I agree. We have room for 1 more but that will be all for us :) hugs

Sent from my iPhone using DS Forum

ButtRpies 07-29-2012 03:13 PM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
Bump for any other insight into this situation. Words of wisdom, encouragement???

bigmamakelsey 07-29-2012 07:22 PM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
I'm in the same situation. In all honesty, there is nothing you can say or do to make someone want to have a baby. It's just not one of those things you can force, ya know? I knew before we were married he only wanted 2. I want 3. We have our 2, and his mind has not changed. I still WANT 3, but more than anything I want a happy family, and I know DH would not be happy with 3 because it would be a burden for us financially. As much as I want that 3rd baby, I don't want a baby with someone who does not want it as much as I do. It's not fair for anyone, especially the (hypothetical) child.

ButtRpies 07-31-2012 10:36 AM

Re: How to convince dh to have another???
I know. I don't want to push him into another and make him miserable. I would never intentionally get pg without his consent. Not that kind of person; that would just be evil, rude, and kinda like playing "God" in a sense.
Yuck. I just hate realizing and thinking that I'll never have that other child I feel I'm missing. boo ;(

ktmelody 08-04-2012 11:17 AM


Here is my story.

We have 7 children. I want at least one more. After my last was born I decided to try paragard IuD so we could have a break. Hubby was going to get a vasectomy but as it got closer we decided against it. After 3 months and non stop bleeding from the IUD I told my husband I was having it removed, and that even though the IuD went against my moral convictions, I did give it a good try and it wasn't working. Then I told him that he now needed to be the one in control of when to use a condom. That I didn't care if I got pregnant again and that I will be open and honest with him about my cycle and fertility signs so he can choose to use protection or not. So right now he is taking a wait and see approach. He doesn't mind another, but thinks we should at least wait another year. I somewhat

I have religious convictions/moral reasoning for not using birth control (not christian) and I tried my hardest to muffle those convictions by using birth control for myself and it made me upset and depressed. I just cant do it. Hubby has been very supportive. There are days I do wish his conviction was the same as mine, but he is 8 years older than me and feels like he could be done. I am trying to understand that, but it is hard.

Hope things turn around for you.

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