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-   -   C-section shame (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1471384)

IloveDoris89 12-10-2012 07:34 PM

C-section shame
 
I am not ashamed of my c-sections, I truely cannot deliver vaginally, my c-sections did not result from labor complications. But sometimes I think other mothers expect you to have shame from it.

With that being said I feel like a lot of "all natural" "water-birthing" mama's make me feel like crap about having c-sections. I find alot of people have good intention but should really keep their mouth shut when it comes to opinions about how someone should deliver unless they are a doctor that HAS had a peek at my insides. Other wise theyre not qualified to tell me that I "can" or "should" have a VBAC.


I had my first c-section 4 years ago, I had my second last May. Through those years I have come across old and young women that sometimes make feel like less of a mother because I deliver by c-section. I hate it.

The worst is when they say "I'm sure you made the best choice for you" I did not get a damn choice! My body doesn't work the same as yours, the only choice I realistically had was to live or die fom child birth. C-section is not a "choice when your hooha holes don't line up, its a must. grrr!


-endrant.

Happy Mommax4 12-10-2012 07:38 PM

I didn't have C sections but I had to have inductions so not the same but I was actually just gonna post something similar. Why should I feel bad? Maybe I'm not as "crunchy" dunno but I def feel ya, I've gotten comments from my grandma even!

IloveDoris89 12-10-2012 07:43 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Happy Mommax4 (Post 16028411)
I didn't have C sections but I had to have inductions so not the same but I was actually just gonna post something similar. Why should I feel bad? Maybe I'm not as "crunchy" dunno but I def feel ya, I've gotten comments from my grandma even!

Yes. That is exactly how I feel "Why should I feel bad?" Because I delivered differently then someone.

It grinds my nerves!

SamanthaLove88 12-10-2012 07:51 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
This happened to me once and I almost went crazy buck cherry on this lady (she was actually a nurse-so it surprised me!) But anyways I've had 3 c-sections. All due to severe labor complications. First one I was in full term labor for about 6-7 hours, second I was about there until they had to stop me and rush me into surgery, last one they wouldn't even let me try to get there, I was 3-4 cm and by the time I went in the contractions were only 1 min apart. I couldn't get a 7 pounder outta there let alone tryng an 8 lb 11 oz and a 8 lb 6 oz. And as much as I felt like I needed to deliver normally I'm glad I didnt , my last son.would probably not be alive. Any who... her statement was " Wow, so you got off easy!" Are you kidding me? :headscratch:

myclanof6 12-10-2012 07:53 PM

I'm about to have my 4th c/s on the 28th. My first was an emergency because baby was in distress after pushing for 3 hours. It took me until this one to Be really okay with never being able to deliver vaginally. I did have great support with each one, it was just a mental thing with me that couldn't be at peace with it. I am finally accepting without any "what ifs" that as long as I have a healthy baby that all that matters.
I understand what you mean by the five million posts (not just on this site) about how wonderful homebirth, unmedicated natural labors are. I don't see it much differently than the breast feeding/FF, circ/non, vax/non threads and topics everywhere else. There are those that just want to share their experience for others so they can see that it possible and there are those that their way is the only way and if you didn't make the same "choice" as them then you are uneducated or didn't try hard enough.
Having my child's head stuck in my pelvis for a few hours with the cord wrapped around his neck and his heart rate staying steady at 100s, dipping to the 40s and 50s during contractions with the very real possibility of both of us dying is NOT my idea of a great experience that I want to repeat. No thanks. :)
ETA: That baby that was thought to be about 8lbs was actually 9lbs 10oz.

IloveDoris89 12-10-2012 07:55 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SamanthaLove88 (Post 16028461)
This happened to me once and I almost went crazy buck cherry on this lady (she was actually a nurse-so it surprised me!) But anyways I've had 3 c-sections. All due to severe labor complications. First one I was in full term labor for about 6-7 hours, second I was about there until they had to stop me and rush me into surgery, last one they wouldn't even let me try to get there, I was 3-4 cm and by the time I went in the contractions were only 1 min apart. I couldn't get a 7 pounder outta there let alone tryng an 8 lb 11 oz and a 8 lb 6 oz. And as much as I felt like I needed to deliver normally I'm glad I didnt , my last son.would probably not be alive. Any who... her statement was " Wow, so you got off easy!" Are you kidding me? :headscratch:



I HATE THAT!

There is nothing easy about going through a c-section, or healing from a c-section, or watching other mothers easily walk around their room with their baby a couple hours after birth whereas I can barely comfortably sit up to try and feed my child let alone easily get out of bed. Yupp....c-sections are such a walk in the park. Lets talk about how wonderful it is that I still get shooting pains in my scar and the lower part of my stomach is completely numb. :banghead:

EmilytheStrange 12-10-2012 07:58 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
I'm sorry that people make you feel that way.

Mommy wars only hurt moms. Some people need to learn compassion. I'm fairly sure a lesson in compassion was one of the reasons I ended up with a csection.

personally, I'm very careful when talking about my plans for a vbac. I'm very excited about it, but a friend asked me the other day 'why?' since she had 2 csections and I didn't want to go into my speal about why. I simply said 'csections are major surgery, I'd prefer to avoid that'. For me, it's maybe only 5-10% about that.. but what would I accomplish by telling her more (she's done with tubes tied)?

Whenever there's a parenting issue (and there are many) that make me feel like someone is looking down on me or whatever, I just take a deep breath and try to let it go. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. You sound like you're secure in your birth plan - I wouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise. In fact, if you have a fancy name for the reason why you cannot, I'd probably retort with something like 'oh, so you know all about the complications of 'blahblah'?'

SamanthaLove88 12-10-2012 08:00 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by myclanof6 (Post 16028474)
thmy child's head stuck in my pelvis for a few hours with the cord wrapped around his neck and his heart rate staying steady at 100s, dipping to the 40s and 50s during contractions with the very real possibility of both of us dying is NOT my idea of a great experience that I want to repeat. No thanks. :)

DITTO! And unmedicated does not qualify you as a hero (As I thought so with my first)

IloveDoris89 12-10-2012 08:06 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange (Post 16028488)
I'm sorry that people make you feel that way.

Mommy wars only hurt moms. Some people need to learn compassion. I'm fairly sure a lesson in compassion was one of the reasons I ended up with a csection.

personally, I'm very careful when talking about my plans for a vbac. I'm very excited about it, but a friend asked me the other day 'why?' since she had 2 csections and I didn't want to go into my speal about why. I simply said 'csections are major surgery, I'd prefer to avoid that'. For me, it's maybe only 5-10% about that.. but what would I accomplish by telling her more (she's done with tubes tied)?


I'm not a fan of running into people who think c-sections are great and I'm lucky, I wish I could deliver vaginally. I have had some family members who think because they know someone that VBACed that I can and I am just choosing not to out of convenience and then I also have people in my life that I have expressed my dream of a VBAC and they also say "why"

And kudos to you for having a VBAC I am incredibly jealous! I'd love to VBAC :(

SamanthaLove88 12-10-2012 08:07 PM

Re: C-section shame
 
Very true what EmilyTheStrange said! I think I scared off all further comments with the accidental death stare that nurse received as I haven't heard any since. People who think that way have had amazing births and good for them. If it weren't for modern medicine either I would be dead and/or I would be missing some kids. That's all I'd say!


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