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desertgirl 04-26-2011 07:24 PM

Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
I know this is a touchy subject for those of us that work out of the home and have children in childcare, but I want to know--

those of you that provide childcare services, do you feel as though you're raising someone else's child? Feel free to be brutally honest.

nakedbabytoes 04-26-2011 08:20 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
I've only had that "seem" to be the case with 2 DC parents out of the 17 I've served. It wasn't so much the total hours I had their children or anything like that. They just didn't seem very child oriented or tuned in. The kid was more an accessory or after thought. They liked the idea of having a child but not the reality? I guess that's how I'd put it.
It's a vibe. It's comments. It's not having supplies or being aware of their child's development or showing interest in what they are doing(but they love to talk about themselves!)
It's never about hours here vs hours there. PT vs FT. Single parent vs dual households. Etc.
I went to my twin DC girls' birthday party & when their mom introduced me to her mom(the girls' grandma), the grandma said "oh, you're like their second mother!"
I always find this type of comment oddly insulting to the parent. And I don't see myself as a replacement or stand in for mom. They have a mom. And comparing myself & duties to hers is doing her a great disservice in my mind.
And even the 2 parents who were different, I didn't feel like I was parenting their kids, only sad that the kids didn't have parents who seemed to care like a parent should.
If that makes sense?
I dunno. It's late and I had a long hard day. I should really put my footie pjs on & just go to bed.

desertgirl 04-26-2011 08:37 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
Yeah, that makes sense. I would guess that there are some kids that get the same sense from their parents and want or need to look to you as a parent. Even working as a lifeguard and swim instructor when I was younger, I saw kids that were so desperate for stability, love, guidance, whatever, that they would look to us as parent figures.

MW69842 04-27-2011 02:21 PM

I'm a WOHM, not a DCP. But aren't DCP in essence, at least in a sense shaping the minds, personalities, etc of the little ones, thereby 'raising' them in way?

My DD is w/ her DCP from 6 a.m. until 3 p.m. M-F, and the occasional weekend. That's 9 hours per day, mostly waking hours. I'm with my DD the rest of the time, but we're only awake for 5-6 of those hours.

Sent from my Droid using DS Forum

escapethevillage 04-27-2011 04:11 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
I've had a few that I had to raise. But, I've been doing this since 1986-ish, and i've had hundreds of kids. So, to end up raising three or four is really good.

Some parents just aren't ever going to step up and raise their own kids, so someone else has to do it.

doodah 04-27-2011 04:59 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
I don't feel that I am raising my current set of kids. All of the parents are very attached. They want to know what is happening here, they tell me things about their kid, their kid wants to go home at the end of the day, etc. I have one that is here over 50 hours a week and sometimes I will need to step in and remind parents about something that needs to be addressed. They are very loving but it is just easier for them to let me deal with it and they just get thru the weekend with her and drop her off on Monday. Even still, I have never had a kid more attached to me than their parent or coming in filthy or neglected or anything. I also interview parents thoroughly because I don't want to raise someone else's kid and I do have to weed out the families that are looking for that type of care.

dr_comer 04-28-2011 02:06 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
"it takes a village!" my son spends at least 30 hours a week at an in home daycare and my inlaws keep him 1.5 days a week (I work every other Saturday). My husband keeps him 2-3 nights a week so I can go to roller derby practice. Both my inlaws and my mother keep him when my husband and I go out together. So there are a lot of people in my life that are helping to shape my sons life and I like it that way!

travelmama24 04-28-2011 02:17 PM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?

Originally Posted by dr_comer (Post 12828323)
"it takes a village!"

I so agree and I'm always saying this! I have great communication with DD's teachers and really feel that we are all raising her together. They love & teach her as much as Dh & I do and we always talk about the ways that we teach, love & discipline her so that we're all on the same page. I really feel that they are just as important a part of her life as Dh & I are.

Having said that, I would not want her teachers telling me how to do some thing in regards to raising DD. I think there are some DCP who do that, some intentionally & some unintentionally.

newmommy13 05-03-2011 07:58 AM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
I am caring for my daycare kiddo 50/50 with her parents. I dont think i parent her, but im on the team. Like an auntie or grandma.

Sleep deprived 05-03-2011 08:50 AM

Re: Childcare providers-are you raising someone else's child?
Yeah, I agree with dr comer. Of course my nanny is helping raise my child. I would definitely be questioning the money I spend otherwise. Also my roomate helps raise my child, and my downstairs neighbor, and our many friends who help keep the rugrat from knocking in his own fool head and who discipline him when needed.

None of these folks replace us as parents, though. I set the house rules, and the terms of discipline. I provide toys and transport and schedule activities for when I am away. (I'm a bit jealous, because while I am procrastinating here at work, the kid is going on a play date to a farm today with his baby girlfriend.)

Our nanny is a friend of ours from before we had kids. She lives in our "sister-commune" (large house of friends who are roomies, about six blocks away), so we hang out a lot socially. I think one of the hardest things for me is finding a balance outside of her working hours. I mean the kid dotes on her, and she on him, which is great. I kind of feel like I have to watch him a little more closely than I would with other friends, to keep him from being a clingy barnacle in her "off duty" time... and yet, I also don't want to interfere too much because I know they enjoy each other's company.

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