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alyxmegan 03-02-2013 09:41 PM

My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
I am 21 and this is my first baby. My mom is very strong willed and I really like the idea of her being there as a back up advocate incase me and DH miss something but I really feel she is trying to be my one and only advocate and wants to be my birthing partner. She is trying to push DH to the back burner. How do I nicely tell her that she is making me uncomfortable ? I know she is just excited and wants to help but this is me and DHs pregnancy and birthing and I need her to just step back.

Tris 03-02-2013 09:43 PM

Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
I had my doula and my husband both very active in my labor, I definitely appreciated all they had to offer. I wouldn't worry about it honestly, it will all wash out when it's time.

qsefthuko 03-02-2013 10:48 PM

Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
If you want your husband to do something specifically make sure to say husband do this so so there is no doubt just who you are speaking to.

You may find in labor if things go badly the very trait you find difficult right now to be a blessing then.

Although like 90% or more of births are just fine every now and then trouble happens. My mother can be overwhelming at times as well. When I wound up transported to the hospital it was a real blessing. I was able to relax after baby was delivered knowing my mother wouldn't let the doctors or nurses rest until things were just right. Because of her persistence and strong personality my daughter was the first baby to be allowed in the recovery room in our hospital. I never even had to think about asking for my baby. I just lay there and waited for my mother to get through with them. Sure enough they couldn't hold out against her.

Adding my mother was a blessing not needing to be transported.

qsefthuko 03-02-2013 10:51 PM

Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
You can also tell her you want her to advocate for you and help to make sure your birth plans are followed as closely as possible. This way she concentrates on your plans and your husband concentrates on you and baby. If she already has a job of her own she will be less likely to horn in on your husbands job.

90924teeth 03-02-2013 10:56 PM

Honestly? Go on without her. It's about you and if you're trying to manage s/o and mom you might be less focused on what you really need. Work on your s/o to be the one you need.

You Tell 'Em 03-02-2013 11:31 PM

Sounds like how my mom was at my first birth, granted my hubby (then just my boyfriend) wasn't an active partner in labor. Needless to say for my second and third births my mom was not there, hubby was and a doula. :thumbsup:

Sarawithouth 03-03-2013 12:54 PM

Well have your DH read up on how he can support you during labor. Attend a class together so he feels comfortable. I hear Husband Coached Labor is a good book.

I had all my sisters, my mother, my aunt, and my SMIL at my labor. My husband was the only one I truly needed there. The women were supports for US, not just me.

We met with the midwife at 37 weeks to discuss everyone's role during labor. MW asserted that dh would kinda take lead on coaching. Maybe you could sit everyone down and explain how you see your labor. Be a woman with a vision. And make a blanket statement that you reserve the right to remove "anyone" who may be unintentionally hindering the birth. I did. I didn't know if I'd really want all those people with me, so I just said that. It turns out, it was great having all the extra hands!

3lilbubs 03-03-2013 01:08 PM

Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
No mama, don't let her do this! The last thing you need at that moment is the stress of maintaining anyone's feelings. Let anyone and everyone know that they may either listen behind the curtain till baby's born or wait in the waiting area. This is a private moment and you need to focus on you, dh and your new baby. If it feels right to invite her in at the last moment then do it. But don't let her go into it with any entitlement or expectations. Let me tell ya, it was WEIRD every time they wanted to check me and had to kick 8-10 people out of my room.

thoennes6 03-03-2013 01:21 PM

Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!
My mom did this at my 1st 2 deliveries. She yelled at my dh during my 1st and I have more pics of her with my second than of my dh and me. She never even asked if she could be there. She just asumed it was fine and showed up. With my 2nd two deliveries I just didn't call her until I was 6-7 cm and since she lives and hour and a half away I gave birth before she arrived. The 2nd two labors and deliveries were much more realxing and enjoyable.

alyxmegan 03-03-2013 06:25 PM

DH and I have been attending hypnobabies and he has learned everything he needs to know about how to support me and advocate for the birth we want.
I want to talk to her about how DH and I need this to be our time but I'm worried it will hurt her feelings. This is her first grand baby and I feel like she is so involved because I am planning the birth that she never knew she could have with me.
Thanks for the advise ladies. I definitely don't want a lot if people there and i hope she will step back after I talk to her.

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