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carolineb 09-19-2011 10:00 PM

I hate bedtime!!!
I just don't know what to do. It takes me 2+ hours to get ds to bed. He's so tired and needs to sleep. It's the same way with naps. I just wear him but his naps are short as I know he gets disturbed. Today he napped a total of 2 hours maybe. I just spent an hour nursing him and he took himself off and I tried to put him down and he woke up crying. I am so frustrated with this nightly cycle of nurse, put down, cry. DH is in there trying to rock him but he's just screaming. DH had asked to do a bottle and I said no. Now I'm wishing I had. He won't let anyone else hold him or soothe him. I can't put him in any nursery. I wear him all the time. I get no break. He's a great baby and easy going until it's time to sleep. He won't take a paci or suck a thumb. I'm 6 days shy of 6 months and I'm struggling with continuing to nurse him. I do love nursing him and the ease of not packing bottles is great but this nightly marathon is becoming frustrating and exhausting. My other boys don't get any snuggle time or much play time with me because I'm so consumed with the baby. I'm just beyond frustrated right now and don't know what to do.

humbeeb 09-19-2011 10:32 PM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
Oh mama. I feel you. I do. My DS2 is almost 7 months (03/03/11) and we are coming out of this. I am just going to share my details, take what you will, but just know that you are not alone! I am almost beginning to think that there is no such thing as a good sleeper, lol! Anyhow, DS was born full term, 6.8lbs, has nursed every 2 hrs since he was 4 minutes old. Now, I was unable to BF DS1, made no milk. This time, it has been a struggle with the supply, but I ate my fermented oatmeal, chugged my water, etc, its working. Now, onto the cry/scream/nurse/sleep/lay/scream business. We co sleep. Has worked best for us since day 1 w/DS1. DS1 is in his own rm, own bed, wonderful, he loves it. DS2, in our king size bed. Wonderful. Bedtime consists of DH doing DS1 bath @7, during this time, DS2 plays on the floor while I prep DS1s rm, pjs, etc, I put DS2 into tub after DS1 is in bed. This is getting closer to 8. He is the happiest baby, smiles, coos, just wonderful. Bath splashes, has a great time. Smiles and wiggles in his towel on the way to the bedroom. And, that is when it begins. He arches, screams, yells, strains, the works. I wrestle him into a dipe and pjs, attempt cuddles, etc, he tears at my boob, I offer, he yells at it for a few, then latches, nurses, comfortably I might add, dozing, twirling his hair, for about 10-15 mins, then unlatches. I put myself away, lay him down ( I have tried nursing while laying down, its no different:/) and he rolls to his side. This is great. He's asleep. I go to the living room, sit down. And the siren sounds. Hes screaming bloody murder. This will continue in a cycle for an hour or so, finally, he will stay sleeping for about 2 hours, wake to nurse, go back to sleep, 2 hrs later, etc. So, I guess it differs in that your LO wakes and cries as soon as you lay him down. Mine within a few minutes. DH can try with our LO and DS doesnt want him to soothe him either. It's exhausting. I can pump, he'll take a bottle, but then he just fights and yells through most of it anyhow...recently we have been putting him down later, like starting bath at 8-8:30 and letting him just roll around, taking it nice and super slow, it seems to be better. Bedtime is now taking about 45 mins (including about 10 mins in the bath) and I have added a few more soft lights to the room, so we can see, but it isnt bright, also cutting him off his 5pm nap has made a huge difference. I hope maybe a piece of this is helpful. I feel your pain & frustration. I do. :( It'll get better. I promise.

stevensmom 09-19-2011 10:50 PM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
:hugs: I'm so sorry mama...we are on 12 months of this exact same thing...some babies are just that way :hugs: I was told by my DS's teacher that her daughter was the same way for 2 years :thud: and nothing helped her.

Nothing we have found so far helps dd...:cry: I so want to get a full nights sleep...we co-sleep and she will go to bed fine if I nurse her in bed. But if I try putting her down in her crib...eyes are open and she is screaming bloody murder. No one can put her to sleep or console her but me :(

babyrosie 09-20-2011 06:27 AM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!

Originally Posted by stevensmom (Post 13785003)
:hugs: I'm so sorry mama...we are on 12 months of this exact same thing...some babies are just that way :hugs: I was told by my DS's teacher that her daughter was the same way for 2 years :thud: and nothing helped her.

Nothing we have found so far helps dd...:cry: I so want to get a full nights sleep...we co-sleep and she will go to bed fine if I nurse her in bed. But if I try putting her down in her crib...eyes are open and she is screaming bloody murder. No one can put her to sleep or console her but me :(

This is me and my 11 month old dd exactly. :(

myclanof6 09-20-2011 09:16 AM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
We started having this problem with dd but *thankfully* bedtime is great but naptime is a work in progress, but looks hopeful. I had to let her CIO for 2-3 minutes (i'm in the room the whole time, she has a crib bumper so she can't see when I sit on the floor), pick her up, calm her down, put her down. I only let her cry for just a few minutes the first 2-3 times, and then by the 3rd or 4th time she fusses and then goes to sleep in her crib. We co-sleep once she wakes up the first time at night, which has actually been 4-6 hours since doing this!!! I completely understand noone being able to console her but you, I think that's just how it is until they start being mobile and semi-independent. It does get better though! You could do this if you co-sleep as well, just be sure to put pillows around so she doesn't roll off while you walk away. HTH :)

mibarra 09-20-2011 09:58 AM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
How old is he? My LO would only sleep in bed with us til 6 weeks. Then needed a swaddle blanket until almost 6 months. We transitioned to crib 1st, then took away swaddle blanket. She was a light sleeper and would flail her arms and wake herself.

If he's having that much trouble going to sleep, he may be overtired. Sounds counterintuitive, but an over tired baby has trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. Maybe try bedtime at the first signs of sleepiness?? Some babies just struggle with bedtime. Maybe he doesn't like to lay flat, could there be a reflux issue?

Some nights my DD is just like that, and it takes a long time. Sometimes what I'll do is nurse her to sleep, lay her down, and if she starts crying leave her for about 5 minutes (the longest 5 minutes of my life!!). By the time I come back, she's usually realized she's tired and wants to nurse and goes and stays asleep. If I do this 2-3 times and it's not working, then we take a 10-15 minute break until she starts acting sleepy and try again.

Sooo hard. Good luck mama! :)

colin-mylilguy 09-20-2011 11:30 AM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
My 9 mo is kinda having a similar problem... He goes to bed around 7pm and I used to nurse him to sleep (I let him take his time and enjoy. I would bring the laptop in and be on the computer while he nurses and sleeps for about an hour) then when he would fall off, I'd scoop his limp little body up and gently lay him in his crib a few steps from our bed. He'd sleep 4-5 hours before wanting to nurse again.

This all seems to have changed with the addition of solid foods. He goes to sleep like normal but then within an hour or so of going to sleep (sometimes as little as 5-10 minutes) he wakes up SCREAMING and is very difficult to help him back to sleep... Its sad and frustrating all at the same time.

I'm wondering if it could be gas or some sort of digestive upset? Its hard because they can't communicate but I believe there is something that causes these "issues" and I think its good to try to find the cause of the problem. I stopped giving him solids two days ago and the night time screaming has stopped... I guess we'll just take a break from solids for a week or two and then try it again. There is so much experimenting we have to do as parents to try to figure out what works best.

Its hard. I'm right there with you. DH tries to help (bless his heart) but usually I have to go and rescue them after a few minutes because LO just won't settle down. Sometimes he'll let DH rock him back to sleep or pat him back to sleep but not always. Sometimes he will nurse back to sleep but usually he won't so I have to lay in bed with him or pat him... so exhausting.

It helps me to remind myself that he is so little and something is causing him trouble so I dig deep to have more patience and kindness when I think I don't have any more. And I remind myself that this too shall pass. He won't be my little baby for long and whatever it is that we are struggling with, it'll pass and we'll make it through. I hope this helps in some small way. :hugs: I know this is hard and exhausting and frustrating. Hang in there! You're a wonderful Mom for being so patient with him. :goodvibes:

azsuma1 09-20-2011 02:04 PM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
my DS was born 3 days before yours. and i feel your pain, we are in a similar situation. DH tries, but it doesnt work. cosleeping doesnt work, bc he just wants to bf or play all night if he is with me. (evidently im superfun in my zombie-mom state, lol.) the crib doesnt work, bc he wakes and screams immediately when put down. his swing used to work, but now he is too big to be strapped into it with his cloth overnight diaper on.
so, i havent slept a longer stretch than 45min during the night since early august when he outgrew the swing....
i wish i could help, but all i can really say is that you are not alone and we WILL get through this and all get some sleep again someday....
i also believe that SOMEDAY we will all have personal time enough to shave our legs!

carolineb 09-20-2011 02:17 PM

Thanks for the encouragement mamas. I'm a little scared that many of you are still having the same issue at 9 and 12 months! Ds will be 6 months in a few days. I don't think he has a reflux issue. We haven't done any foods yet. He just wants to be near me. And I guess that even though I understand that is part of a baby's development, I have a hard time accepting it when it's the end of the day, I'm tired, and I just don't want him to need me anymore, when I'm ready to have a quiet conversation with DH and relax on the couch.

I agree he is probably way overtired as I cannot get him to nap much during the day. I just usually wear him but his naps are often brief.

I try to start him in his crib and when he wakes to nurse I get in the guest bed with him and we co-sleep the rest of the night and he does great. I don't pay attention to how often he nurses but it doesn't seem excessive.

A question though... He's starting to get on all fours and rock so I'm sure crawling will come in a few weeks. He also rolls, so I really don't think it would be smart or safe to nurse him in the guest bed. The bed is up against the wall but it's a high bed as we use it for some storage underneath. But I'd like to try nursing him lying down and then slithering away once he's asleep. Ideas for how I could safely do this without going to bed at 7:30 with him? I don't have a bassinet or co-sleeper and probably don't have room to put anything like that next to my bed. And besides those are usually for when they are under 15lbs and he's just shy of that.

mibarra 09-20-2011 03:06 PM

Re: I hate bedtime!!!
Why not just do it on the floor? Maybe with a thin mat that's not too fluffy, or put a mattress on the floor and nurse him there?

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