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Sheagirl 10-09-2012 10:45 AM

Having trouble after baby #2
I am just really having a hard time after having my second baby. He is 6 months old now and I still feel overwhelmed and crazy. Some days I just want to give up (not that that is an option). I was wondering if anyone else struggles with this. I don't get out of the house much and so I don't get to talk to other moms.

AnimalHouse 10-09-2012 10:59 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
:hugs: mama. Going from one to two kids was an easy transition for me... going from two to three, though, was a whole other ballgame. It was so overwhelming and stressful, and most days, I just felt like crying. DS3 is 14 months old, and it's only been in the past couple of months that things have felt easier. I still have days where I'm stressed and at a breaking point, but part of that could be that I'm 35 weeks pregnant and stressed about having another kid on top of everything else :giggle:.

How old is your first child? Could you find some local play groups or mom groups to join? I keep myself busy with LLL, a local babywearing group, and with playdates with friends... it's so nice to get out of the house, and have other people to talk to!

abunchoflemons 10-09-2012 11:04 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
I go to libraary to for babytalk/ toddler time. I do LLL ttoo. I have met lots just going to the playground with my kids. 1 to 2 was fairly easy since older one is in school & all. 2 to 3 we'll see in feb. Hugs.

Sheagirl 10-09-2012 11:19 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
My oldest is 4 which makes it easier in some was and harder. My little one has a lot of sleep issues which is part of the reason I cannot really leave the house. He won't sleep in the ergo like his older brother. Every nap has to be exactly at the scheduled time and at home. If we have company it throws him off too. He is really sensitive. I forgot what it was like to be tied down to the house. My oldest is so independent now.

Kiliki 10-09-2012 11:21 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Could you have postpartum depression?

I felt really awful after having my 2nd. There were a lot of other changes I had made recently in my life (we'd moved, I had reconciled my relationship with my parents, etc) and I think all of that combined with a new baby (he and DD were just 19 mos apart) just made me really depressed. I was also alone a LOT. We only had one car, and I had no friends who could or would come and pick me up to take me places. DH was in school and working full time. ... I was hanging on by a thread to my sanity...

Looking back, I wish I would have stood up and asked for help. I wish DH would have noticed how much I needed something. There were days where I would just sit and cry. I loved my kids but caring for them alone, with no where to go and no one else who seemed to care was really HARD.

:hugs: mama. Ask for help if you need help! Don't feel ashamed about it. Talk to your doctor. Talk to your midwife. Talk to your SO. Talk to your mom or your friends. You have to let people know you need some help, that you are having some trouble. Tell them what you typed here - that you feel overwhelmed and you sometimes just want to give up. It takes strength and courage to ask for help when you need it. You don't have to do this by yourself. :hugs:

danielle 10-09-2012 11:34 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
:hugs: It was hard for me and it gets better. Truly it does. My son is now 15 months and my daughter is 4. They are so loving and gentle and they seem to have their own way of communicating with each other now. It's beautiful. But it was hard for awhile. There was jealousy, and I seriously felt myself burning with anger at the things my daughter would do for attention sometimes, including but not limited to peeing on the floor. That's done now. They are partners in crime now and I couldn't be happier.

Good luck getting through this hard time mama. You can do it. But I know it's so hard.

Sheagirl 10-09-2012 11:39 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Thanks ladies!

badmisterkitty 10-09-2012 03:03 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Our younger daughter was sensitive to company and couldn't miss a nap either. She did grow out of it, but it was such a pain to schedule everything around her and I dreaded company because I knew we'd be "dealing" with the aftermath.

You gotta get out of the house, though. Can you take the stroller and walk the mall? Can you leave your baby with hubby for any length of time and just focus on the older child? My maternity leave just ended, but I tried to get out of the house every day and I took my older one to swimming lessons every Saturday. (My middle child didn't seem to need any special attention.)

Going from 1 to 2 kids was hard for me, too. it took my oldest DD 9 months to "adjust" to having a baby sister. Adding #3 was a breeze comparatively.

I'm an introvert, so the idea of joining a play group just makes me cringe. But if you have some friends, find time for them with or without kids, even if it's just for Mcdonalds on a Saturday.

Sheagirl 10-09-2012 03:40 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Thank you so much!

mibarra 10-09-2012 04:03 PM

My DD1 was a happy, cooperative, friendly baby who loved the world. DD2 is demanding and attached to me. She wouldn't even go to DH til she was a year old. I felt like I was losing my mind. It got better as she got more mobile. Now we're due with #3 and I'm genuinely scared of how DD2 will take it....

shortcake2386 10-09-2012 04:10 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
yup but mine is #4 and 3 months old. i keep telling myself its bc she has health issues and it WILL get better. sometimes that helps lol. dh has the car during the week and is gone 12+ hours a day for work so we are just stuck all day. every day. :( i do have friends who come over for playdates every week or so and it helps to have another adult to talk to for a little bit.

Computermama 10-09-2012 04:14 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
You're not alone. DD2 is about the same age as your LO, and it's hard to go from 1 to 2. My oldest is turning 5, so she's reasonably self sufficient and in kindy every other day, but damn it's still tough. DD2 sleeps well at night, but I have to make sure the stars align just right to get the child to nap during the day, which makes getting anything at all done impossible. It's not at all uncommon for me to spend the afternoon in my darkened bedroom trying to nurse the baby down for hours. This child is very much the velcro baby - she's very attached to me, which is great, but not so great when mommy needs a break, or like today is sick. I try to get out to playgroups and get out of the house at least for short periods every day - it helps everyone's mood, mine included. Dh also takes care of the girls for a couple hours on monday nights to let me get down to the Y for a swim class alone. I have to leave a bottle of pumped milk for him, but it's worth it.

babymakes3.4.5.... 10-09-2012 04:33 PM

I have to back up a PP that mentioned post partum depression. I know there is such a stigma associated with it but if you do have it, getting help will make SO MUCH difference! I didn't want to acknowledge it in myself and didn't get help after DS1 until a friend was kind enough to tell me that she had gone through it and that it's ok to have it and need help! After I found that out, and with DHs prompting, I was able to get the help I needed without thinking that I was an awful mom bc I had it. And you don't have to have all of the symptoms or even the "normal" symptoms to have it!

All that said, it could just be the transition, and yes it is hard! I didn't have any mom groups I belonged to when DS1 was born so I would go to the local coffee shop, get a drink, pick up a magazine, and people watch for a while. It does do wonders to just get out of the house!

Sending hugs mama! This stage is rough but it does get better!!!!

SaraElise 10-09-2012 05:00 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Going from 1-2 was SO hard for me. I was literally in survival mode for a year.

When it comes to getting out, the best thing to do is just do it, and do it regularly. Even if it is just a super quick trip somewhere, making that part of your routine to leave the house a few times a week helps so much.

I would get everything ready to go right before/during nap time and then as soon as the baby is awake/changed/fed get out of the house.

It does get easier now. I have 3 and watch a friends son and it's no big deal to pack up the car and leave with all 4 of them

Terra 10-09-2012 05:05 PM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
:hugs: It was very hard for me going from 1 to 2. And I started having PPD after the second and it wasn't diagnosed until a few years later!

My first child sounds a lot like your babe though. All on his own he just wanted to sleep at certain times and we literally had to do our lives around that. We could not take him out after 5pm because he wanted to do his night time routine and be in bed by 7pm. Things like that.

I don't have much in the way of advice other than if you can find a way to do the story times or play groups between those nap times maybe do it. Even getting out and taking a walk in the sun can help. I do know that as both of mine have grown and gotten older it has gotten easier. When they were little it was so very hard. They were 19 months apart and good golly, I thought I was going to go crazy!

Sheagirl 10-10-2012 05:51 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
I have been taking St. Johns Wort. My Dr. gave me zoloft but I had a REALLY bad reaction to it. It is just nice to know I am not the only mom that goes through this. Maybe one day I will even entertain the idea of having another one.

luvsviola 10-10-2012 06:17 AM

Re: Having trouble after baby #2
Mama, I would call your doc and just talk to him/her about it again. If you feel stressed all the time, your kiddos are going to pick up on it.

Have you considered puttting the oldest in a Mothers Day Out kind of program 1 or 2 days a week so you can relax some? My kids all started going at 18 months old and love it (love playing with other kids, love their teachers) and it gives us some sanity time.

My kiddos are 5, 3 (special needs) and 1, and we all need a break every once in awhile! DD2 starting MDO meant my mom (aka daycare) can go to the groccery or the dentist in peace.

BeccaSueCongdon 10-18-2012 01:31 AM

How you doing, mama?

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