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-   -   Should we report to the teacher? update added (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1553391)

jbug_4 10-24-2013 02:56 PM

Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
DD has a small scratch on her face which I am almost positive she did her self when pushing her hair out of her face but when I asked her what happened she first said she didn't know and then said maybe it happened when J (a boy in a different first grade class) pushed her down. Turns out he pushed her down twice during one of their recesses today. What I can't get out of her is what actually happened. She tells me she can't remember. She wasn't hurt, it didn't upset her or hurt her feelings. J likes to chase dd's best friend or have her chase him. So dd and her bf chase him (they chase a couple other boys as well). The first time he pushed her they were chasing him- very easily could have been part of the game, but its never happened before. The second time she was standing beside him after chasing him and she said he just pushed her. She doesn't remember if he said anything to her and she says she said nothing to him. She said after the second time he went and jumped on the table with the other boys they chase (the boys chase them as well). DD didn't think anything of it but her bf told her not to play with the boys anymore so her bf obviously didn't take it well. If he was just playing with her I want her to take care of it herself and tell him she doesn't play that way. But if her was being mean or did it because he didn't want her to chase him anymore (completely possible- the girl has a ton of energy and usually runs circles around her classmates) Then it needs to be addressed by an adult- I think? I don't know if we should just ignore it and see if it happens again, let dd handle it completely by herself or report it. We will definitely report it if it was meant to be mean, but other wise should we just let dd handle it herself? She really wasn't bothered by it, but the fact that her bf was bothers me. I have call into bf's mom to see if she can get anymore info out bf so we can try to figure out why he pushed her. While we teach that its never ok to push and hit I don't really want to get teachers or other adults involved if it was meant as part of a game or crush type thing. He needs to learn the appropriate way to behave but unless it was meant to be mean I think dd telling him its not ok should be sufficient- at least the first time. I don't know.

ETA bf doesn't know anything more than dd told me. Apparently both bf and her other bf said they should stop playing with boys. BF's mom asked about the recess supervisors and she said they were around. Bf's mom is upset that the supervisor weren't watching. I am not that worried about it. I know kids rough house and push I just wanted to know why he did it to know if it was something we need to address or not. bf's mom told bf that they don't need to play or chase the boys anymore if that kind of stuff was going to happen. BF already decided she wasn't going to play with them for a while.

ETA again- we thought we were going to wait and see if it happens again but dh now wants me to call the teacher. DD thought his name was Jake and its not- something close but not Jake. DH thinks if she doesn't know him well enough to know his name then he shouldn't be playing with him like that. I don't agree he's in bf's class and hangs out with 2 boys that dd and bf play with from last year. But he is also a bit concerned that both dd's bfs said they shouldn't play with the boys. He is wondering if there is more going on now.

NotLad 10-24-2013 03:23 PM

Re: Should we report to the teacher?
 
We had a similar situation. I emailed the teacher to get all sides of the story and proceeded from there.

luvsviola 10-24-2013 03:38 PM

I would email the teacher. Kids push and shove on the playground. I'd just alert her to the situation and ask that she supervise him more carefully. She is not allowed to talk to you about any consequences though--privacy laws prevent that.

tallanvor 10-24-2013 04:15 PM

Re: Should we report to the teacher?
 
I would not report it yet. I would certainly try to find out more from DD and her BF, but if you cannot get a clear idea of what happened, I would leave it for now and remind DD what she should say and do if it happens agains, which could include talking to the teacher.

jbug_4 10-24-2013 04:18 PM

Re: Should we report to the teacher?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tallanvor (Post 17009697)
I would not report it yet. I would certainly try to find out more from DD and her BF, but if you cannot get a clear idea of what happened, I would leave it for now and remind DD what she should say and do if it happens agains, which could include talking to the teacher.

I think this is what we are going to do. Bf's mom has already talked to bf about what to do. I am talking to dd tonight about what she needs to do. So we'll see if it happens again.

megenic 10-24-2013 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tallanvor
I would not report it yet. I would certainly try to find out more from DD and her BF, but if you cannot get a clear idea of what happened, I would leave it for now and remind DD what she should say and do if it happens agains, which could include talking to the teacher.

This is how I feel too, but take my opinion with a grain of salt because I am usually inclined to let kids handle themselves. I would only interfere if things were really bad or if there was long term bullying happening. When I was a kid we used to play really roughly and no one came out the worse for wear.

HeatherlovesCDs 10-24-2013 05:58 PM

Re: Should we report to the teacher?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tallanvor (Post 17009697)
I would not report it yet. I would certainly try to find out more from DD and her BF, but if you cannot get a clear idea of what happened, I would leave it for now and remind DD what she should say and do if it happens agains, which could include talking to the teacher.

This is what I was thinking too, but you can take mine with a grain of salt because I homeschool. :thumbsup:

jbug_4 10-28-2013 09:30 AM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
So we were going to let dd handle it herself but then we heard something through the grapevine so we reported it to the teacher this morning. I am facebook friends with bf 1's mom and she is who I was asking if they knew anything else. We both talked to the girls and explained to them what to do and were going to let it go at that. But bf 2's mom made a comment on facebook (I am not facebook friends with her) over the weekend about there possibly being a bully in her dd's class and that her dd does not want to go to school anymore. Makes me really wonder what all is happening because her dd is not a shy quiet little girl like my dd and bf 1. So bf 1's mom contacted bf 2's mom and found out that the suspected bully is the boy that pushed my dd down. I don't know what all he has done but I am assuming considering bf 2's personality that he has done something directly to her and she is not upset only over him pushing my dd. bf 1 told her mom that she didn't want to say anything because she didn't want anybody to get in trouble so i still don't have any more info. bf 2's mom called the office and spoke to the asst. principle this morning and said it sounded like its not the first complaint against the boy. I feel like I am part of a witch hunt or something. I really don't want the boy to get singled out or in trouble but if its a pattern and not a one time thing it needs to be addressed.

In my email to dd's teacher I did tell her that I wanted dd to try and handle it herself but just wanted to put her on notice in case dd couldn't or wouldn't (she is painfully shy and automatically assumes things are accidents- just like me always willing to give the benefit of the doubt) handle it herself.

escapethevillage 10-28-2013 09:42 AM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
Obviously, it isn't bothering your daughter too much. But, I think letting the teacher know can't hurt...even if you don't know the kid's name, I bet the teacher will know exactly who you mean. It's probably not the first issue she's heard about it.

As far as supervision, they aren't three year olds. The teachers are out there in case something comes up, not to police their play. But, if they know who to watch more closely, they can step in when he gets too rowdy.

He might not be a "bully", but he's being jerky, and that isn't O.K either...he needs to learn boundaries, and shoving kids to the ground is not OK. He's old enough to know that.

Avoid calling him a bully, and use "He's too rough" instead. Just in case he's never been taught social skills at home...maybe this is how he gets treated by older brothers at home, so he's asserting himself at school.

z2akids 10-28-2013 09:49 AM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by escapethevillage (Post 17017841)
Obviously, it isn't bothering your daughter too much. But, I think letting the teacher know can't hurt...even if you don't know the kid's name, I bet the teacher will know exactly who you mean. It's probably not the first issue she's heard about it.

As far as supervision, they aren't three year olds. The teachers are out there in case something comes up, not to police their play. But, if they know who to watch more closely, they can step in when he gets too rowdy.

He might not be a "bully", but he's being jerky, and that isn't O.K either...he needs to learn boundaries, and shoving kids to the ground is not OK. He's old enough to know that.

Avoid calling him a bully, and use "He's too rough" instead. Just in case he's never been taught social skills at home...maybe this is how he gets treated by older brothers at home, so he's asserting himself at school.

I tend to agree with this. It sounds like he was a bit rough with your daughter, but that she wouldn't have even thought it worth bringing up if it weren't for the unrelated scratch. As for the other girls dating not to play with boys, that could just be an age/cooties thing and have nothing to do with how rough the boy was.

I take bullying very seriously. However, I think it is the new PC catch phrase and is WAY overused.

Perhaps this boy has a crush on your daughter or is just a little stronger than he realizes. It doesn't hurt to let the teacher know, but at this point with the info related to your DD and the boy, I don't see anything horrible

jbug_4 10-28-2013 09:51 AM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by escapethevillage (Post 17017841)
Obviously, it isn't bothering your daughter too much. But, I think letting the teacher know can't hurt...even if you don't know the kid's name, I bet the teacher will know exactly who you mean. It's probably not the first issue she's heard about it.

As far as supervision, they aren't three year olds. The teachers are out there in case something comes up, not to police their play. But, if they know who to watch more closely, they can step in when he gets too rowdy.

He might not be a "bully", but he's being jerky, and that isn't O.K either...he needs to learn boundaries, and shoving kids to the ground is not OK. He's old enough to know that.

Avoid calling him a bully, and use "He's too rough" instead. Just in case he's never been taught social skills at home...maybe this is how he gets treated by older brothers at home, so he's asserting himself at school.

I wasn't concerned about supervision thats bf 1's mom. We're not calling him a bully. I am not entirely convinced that he is. We told- well I did, dh wanted to report it right away- dd to tell him if he pushed her again that it is not ok and she needed to tell him its not ok, that she doesn't play like that and that if he does it again she will tell the teacher. But bf 2's mom already contacted the school so i am not sure if he did anything to her or if its based on him pushing dd. DD's teacher (a different teacher from the boy and both bfs) was already aware of the situation when I emailed her so bf 2's mom told the asst. principle when she called about it. the teacher also said he has been talked to already this morning (before my email to her) about the playground incidences- plural, I only referred to it as a incident so i think something else must have happened that I don't know about.

jbug_4 10-28-2013 09:56 AM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by z2akids (Post 17017850)
I tend to agree with this. It sounds like he was a bit rough with your daughter, but that she wouldn't have even thought it worth bringing up if it weren't for the unrelated scratch. As for the other girls dating not to play with boys, that could just be an age/cooties thing and have nothing to do with how rough the boy was.

I take bullying very seriously. However, I think it is the new PC catch phrase and is WAY overused.

Perhaps this boy has a crush on your daughter or is just a little stronger than he realizes. It doesn't hurt to let the teacher know, but at this point with the info related to your DD and the boy, I don't see anything horrible

DD doesn't bring anything up, ever. She had hives at school and didn't bring it up. Once its past its past with her. My first thought was a crush too since the boy hangs out with her "boyfriends" from last year. 2nd thought was dd was bugging him and he didn't know how to tell her to leave him alone. I told the teacher that too in my email. That we don't know what happened and dd very well could have been bothering him and that is how he responded. I am not convinced it wasn't more than playing but someone else already reported it. I didn't want him to get in trouble for just inappropriate play.

jbug_4 10-28-2013 02:09 PM

Re: Should we report to the teacher? update added
 
I am glad we reported it now. bf 2 was balling while leaving school today so I asked her dad what's been going on. bf 2 said that he stole her pencil today but the teacher couldn't find it and said that he didn't. And that she was being a bully by accusing him (I am going to assume this an hysterical 6 year olds take and not what the teacher actually said). Turns out the boy likes bf 2. bf 2 said she told him that she doesn't like him like that and he is mad so he keeps hitting her. He has been hitting and kicking her for weeks, which is why she no longer wants to go to school. They talked to the teacher about it during conferences on the 3rd and were told that he has a crush on her. bf 2 is being told the same thing when she tells. So apparently the teacher has been blowing it off as a crush rather than putting an end to it- its happening in the classroom as well as on the playground. I told bf 2 that we talked to our dd's teacher too and she told us that the vice principal spoke to him this morning after her mom called so hopefully it will stop. Not about dd but about whatever he has done to bf 2 recently. I am glad we reported it now if bf 2's teacher is blowing it off. Hopefully it will be taken seriously and not as us ganging up on him since they are friends.

I have told dd that if she sees him or anyone else hitting her pushing her friends she needs to tell the teacher and us. She said she was going to ignore him and I told her not to. If he is being mean then she needs to tell otherwise she didn't need to ignore him or be mean. Just make sure that if her bf is crying that she tell her its going to be ok and make sure a teacher knows.


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