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-   -   How do you deal with gender dissapointment? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1422492)

Sha-nanagins 07-22-2012 01:27 PM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
Been there - made worse by people who, as soon as they found out DS2 was going to be a boy started saying, "So, are you going to try again for a girl?" Um, no!

Fortunately, after the initial weeks of disappointment, my practical side took over, and I realized how much more money we would have had to spend on clothes, toys, etc. without being able to pass things down. Then, too, a year after DS2 was born, my brother and his wife had a little girl. So when I see a super-cute girly outfit or something in the store, I can get it for my niece. That helps a lot.

blackberry75 07-22-2012 02:14 PM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
Been there, twice. When I was pregnant w/ my son, I wanted a girl so bad it hurt. I already have to stepsons and desperately wanted to give my husband a daughter, it felt (at the time) like one of the most important things I could do for him (what can I say, hormones where craycray). When we found out he was a boy, I cried.... a lot, several times. I didn't really get over it until I was holding him in my arms. The whole pregnancy I kept hoping the U/S tech was wrong:blush:. Once he here, I was smitten. I wouldn't have traded him for any girl past, present or future.

Then I got pregnant w/ Bean. I was comfortable w/ boys, I knew how to handle them, what to expect, etc. I was convinced, 300%, that she'd be a boy. No one could tell me otherwise. I didn't want a girl. When the U/S tech asked if we wanted to know the gender, I actually said something like "yea, just so I can prove everyone wrong". I was not expecting a girl, heck, Bean's almost 5m old now and I'm still a little clueless about what to do w/ her sometimes. However, as soon as I held her (and I didn't want to immediately after the delivery) she was mine.

You will be amazed at all the things that don't seem as important and how much love your children will add to your lives. My biggest fear, even before we knew the gender, was that I wouldn't have enough love for all my kids. Looking back, I sure was silly.

CaliRoll 07-22-2012 02:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackberry75
Been there, twice. When I was pregnant w/ my son, I wanted a girl so bad it hurt. I already have to stepsons and desperately wanted to give my husband a daughter, it felt (at the time) like one of the most important things I could do for him (what can I say, hormones where craycray). When we found out he was a boy, I cried.... a lot, several times. I didn't really get over it until I was holding him in my arms. The whole pregnancy I kept hoping the U/S tech was wrong:blush:. Once he here, I was smitten. I wouldn't have traded him for any girl past, present or future.

Then I got pregnant w/ Bean. I was comfortable w/ boys, I knew how to handle them, what to expect, etc. I was convinced, 300%, that she'd be a boy. No one could tell me otherwise. I didn't want a girl. When the U/S tech asked if we wanted to know the gender, I actually said something like "yea, just so I can prove everyone wrong". I was not expecting a girl, heck, Bean's almost 5m old now and I'm still a little clueless about what to do w/ her sometimes. However, as soon as I held her (and I didn't want to immediately after the delivery) she was mine.

You will be amazed at all the things that don't seem as important and how much love your children will add to your lives. My biggest fear, even before we knew the gender, was that I wouldn't have enough love for all my kids. Looking back, I sure was silly.

Not to hijack, but Blackberry, I am so thrilled that things worked out for you, and that Bean is safe in your arms. :hugs:

beautifulboyz 07-22-2012 03:18 PM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Beesgirl (Post 15436462)
I know EXACTLY what you're feeling. :hugs:

I too can relate. I love, love my boys and even though they are a handful I wouldn't trade them for a girl but.....if after three boys we did have a girl I would be overjoyed! Beesgirl, I also have three boys born in '06, '09 and '11 just like you! :giggle:

Mama*Kim 07-22-2012 03:24 PM

We have two boys. I've been totally ok with it until recently. We're pretty sure we're done having babies (well, DH is. I'm on the fence). It started to hit me recently that I don't have a daughter to hand down some of my things to. My mom passed several things to me; I have those things as well as a few of my favorite item too. I'd always assumed there would be a baby girl for me to give them to; realizing now that's its not likely is really starting to hurt.

Part of me really wants to try one more time for a girl. But there's another side of me that's totally afraid we would have another boy and I would be devastated. I know that's horrible. I'd love a boy like I love my other boys, but I'm realizing more and more lately that there's just something different about a mother/daughter relationship that I will probably never have.

I have nieces I could pass my mom's things to, but they are incredibly rough and tumble girls. The stuff is mostly porcelain dolls and tea sets. The girls would destroy them. I've quite buying them anything but clothes and books because they destroy all their toys. I can't bring myself to give them my mom's tea sets.

Typos courtesy of my "smart" phone.

MommyToTwoPrinces 07-22-2012 03:29 PM

I was very disappointed with both my kids when I found out they were boys, but warmed up to it. I couldn't imagine my life without my baby boys! I really want a girl and hope when we decide to have number 3 it's a girl.

BoyCrazy 07-22-2012 03:48 PM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
I have 4 boys and we are done. When I found out #4 was another boy last May, I started sobbing and didn't stop for three days. It's still hard. It's not that I would trade any of my sons for a daughter. It's knowing that I will never experience raising a daughter. Some aspects of that I am ok with--like not dealing with Bieber fever or stepping on Barbie shoes (although Legos and little light sabers aren't exactly kind to the tootsies). But thinking about dance lessons and wedding dress shopping makes me sad. I don't know if that will ever go away. All I can do is try my best to raise good men who will bring awesome daughters-in-law into our family.

Bhavana 07-23-2012 01:28 AM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mama*Kim (Post 15437516)
I can't bring myself to give them my mom's tea sets.

I totally get that feeling of desperation. Like who else is deserving of that? My mom too has saved up some stuff thinking I'll have a girl...I have 2 boys, absolutely destructive. ANd I dont want them anywhere near those things.

AND I dont want her to give them to anyone else but my daughter!:blush:

AND the worst part, we cant even think of TTCing since DH has a bad heriditary condition (Ankylosing Spondylitis) He tested positive for it a few mos after DS2 was born and dh is beside himself feeling guilty for having passed it on to the boys.

It sucks big time. I would've been ttcing now but for that. Im sooo sad that I'll never be able take my little girl out shopping for dresses, have her perch on the kitchen shelf and talk about high school girl drama, teach her how to cook, etc. Funnily, my screwdriver and hammer obsessed DS1 loves to cook AND both boys want nailpolish on their fingers all the time. The brighter the better!

2boysmama 07-23-2012 05:32 AM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
I was really happy with the first two being boys. I really didn't care what ds1 was but since he was a boy I wanted him to have a brother. So, ds2 being a boy thrilled me. Then I got pregnant again. And I swore it was a girl. The pregnancy was sooooo different and I just knew it was my girl. Yeah, no. As soon as the ultrasound tech said "boy" Dh said "I'm sorry, honey, we can try again" That made me feel like total poo. Like that baby, that boy, didn't matter. Yes, I wanted a girl but we could see that little black and white ultrasound image dancing around in there and while I really really really wanted a girl I loved him already. That said, I refused to respond to the millions of comments on facebook of people asking 'well, what is it??" And then when it came to naming him I told dh I didn't want to name him. I wanted to name a girl. So, dh named him and I love his name. He is such a mama's boy, he is sooooo stinking cute, I am head over heels in love with his little personality. But I'm not over not having a girl. I don't have any advice for you since dh and I will try again. I plan to this fall. If that one is a boy I am sure I will feel the same but like a couple other pps I do pray for my sons' wives. I try to raise my sons to be helpful around the house (I have pics of the oldest two cleaning toilets and they love to spray diapers, vacuum, and cook) but honestly, if we have 4 boys, you may see my trying to have a 5th or raising money to adopt. I can't let it go.

holly6737 07-23-2012 07:01 AM

Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?
 
You're not alone!! I really want a girl, but here I am pregnant with baby boy #4. For us, I'll probably keep going (at least up to 6) to get a girl. If #4 was a girl, I know we'd be done (heck, if #3 had been a girl we might have been done!). When you figure out how to get over it, let me know! :hugs:


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