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-   -   when you and DH disagree? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1125932)

carolineb 12-16-2010 05:48 PM

when you and DH disagree?
 
HI there. I mostly am posting over on the diaper chatter page, but have been lurking here recently. I am pg with baby #3 due in March. I EBF my first 2 kiddos but by 3 weeks, I was pretty tired, thought I had low supply, so we started doing a bottle before bed. I kept feeling so "empty" and drained by the afternoon that I would "top him off" with a bottle and then pump. I never felt my supply increase and they gradually weaned themselves by about 4.5 months :( I REALLY don't want that to happen this time. DH is supportive of BF, but to him, the #1 goal is sleeping at night. So, he thinks that a bottle before bed is what helps. I disagree. I've been trying to be proactive and read more info on helping supply issues and I'm thinking that I didn't nurse them enough. A lot of what I am reading discusses co-sleeping and nursing. We didn't co-sleep with our first 2 for various reasons, but one reason is I don't think I would sleep well anyway. I'm too aware of the baby being there and even if I used a bassinett, the little noises they make early on keep me awake. I'd like to find a happy medium but DH pretty much believes we should be in a seperate room from the baby. He wants to start doing a bottle early (4-6 weeks?). I had said I didn't want to do a bottle with DS2 b/c I regretted what happened with DS1, but I gave in because I was soooooo tired. I thought it would help, but the same thing happened.

I guess I am just wondering what to do when I have a DH that is "sort-of" supportive, but sort of isn't. I think in his mind, he's just trying to help me get some rest, get a chance to have a break, let someone else help feed the baby/hold the baby, etc. I appreciate that and he admits he doesn't understand the emotional aspect of BF, but he remembers seeing how tired I was, being in tears b/c it wasn't just an easy "sit down and nurse my baby-no problems" type of experience.

Part of me is willing to try co-sleeping and nursing, but I don't think he would want to, but I also don't want to sleep in a seperate bed from my hubby. But I know that HE would be getting sleep. I will have a 4yo and 6yo that I homeschool when the baby comes, so I know he's just wanting to make sure I can get as much rest as possible.

I just asked him to support me and he asked me to be willing to compromise. I just don't see why I should give my baby a bottle of formula when my body is designed to give him/her the perfect food. I'm just worried my same supply issues will return and I will become frustrated and give in again.

What are some of your favorite herbs for increasing supply? Has anyone tried the teas from cottonbabies or anything like that? I tried reglan with DS2 and it made my supply WORSE! And I know it's really not very safe anyway. I cannot find dom ANYWHERE and DH doesn't want me buying it off the internet.

Sorry this got to be so long!

Janine 12-16-2010 06:15 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
It seems weird that he is saying his one issue with it is your sleep. If you are willing to compromise some sleep then why doesn't he let you? And really, as someone who had to supplement, I got WAY more sleep when I was able to breastfeed at night compared to when I had to rely on the bottle.

As for the Domperidone, it is a prescription drug. If you are looking for it in the US, the only way to get it here (without ordering it online from overseas) is to have it prescribed to you by a doctor. Those prescriptions can be filled at a compounding pharmacy only. I have a prescription and I still buy it online because it is cheaper that way. BUT I think Domperidone should never be the first resort. It sounds to me that you feel the issue was not a physical issue on your end, but a breastfeeding management issue. You are much better off treating the problem and not the symptom, which means more nursing time and nursing on demand. I highly recommend getting the book The Breastfeeding Mother's Guide to Making More Milk. It covers soooo much including normal behaviors that we misinterpret as low supply, how to establish a good supply, how to increase supply, and so much more. I think it is a great book for those who have low supply as well as those who just want to avoid common pitfalls. Good luck! :)

Sally's Red Meadow 12-16-2010 06:29 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
:hugs:
Have you tried showing your DH some research with the benefits of BFing, maybe then he will not mind losing a little sleep.
Also could you pump early in the morning or between feedings so that if DH still wants to give a bottle it would be your milk?

cbreeding 12-16-2010 06:33 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
The best advice I gave my DH to help me when I had my second daughter was to let me concentrate on feeding, sleeping, and healing. That meant when he was home, he took full charge of our ODD, prepared dinner for everyone, changed diapers, etc. I got to sleep with baby and feed, feed, feed.

Everyone is different, but my two daughters both cluster fed a lot in the evenings and beginning of the night which really triggered my supply to increase and kind of leveled off once we hit 6-8wks. The more baby is at the breast, the more they are stimulating supply. It is very tiring so I made sure I got good rest, eat well, and drank plenty of fluids.

Also, we co-sleep (bed share) from the beginning, but then gradually adjust so that the baby is beginning the night on their own in a crib and then comes to bed later.

Good luck.

Ehlane 12-16-2010 06:43 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
We don't co-sleep, never have. I'm also a very light sleeper and can't sleep with all the little baby noises. I'd also lie there awake convinced that one of us is going to roll over on the baby and smother him. :)

I think it's around 4 months or so when your supply is really well established and you don't feel "full" anymore. That doesn't mean your supply is low! It just means your body knows what it's doing and is tuned into your baby. As long as there are wet and poopy diapers and your LO is gaining weight, you're good! I do remember panicking though because I thought I wasn't producing anything for a while there.

As for herbs, I drink Mother's Milk Tea pretty regularly. At this point, it's really just because I like the taste. I also took Fenugreek for a while there and it did help, but it makes you smell like maple syrup. ;) The thing that helps me the most is drinking a TON of water. And I mean a ton. You cannot drink too much.

I'd skip the formula if you can, at least for the first few months to get your supply going. And if you feel like you're failing, go find a friend or family member who has nursed or a lactation consultant to talk you off the ledge. :) You can do it!

sandy_dandy 12-16-2010 07:19 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
I took fenugreek (available at Whole Foods, health food stores, etc) and ate oatmeal. And drank tons of water.

It sounds like you sabotaged yourself by giving bottles, especially so early. Every time baby gets a bottle, it signals your body NOT to make more milk. I agree with the idea of pumping so that DH could offer a bottle of your milk, and you will still get some stimulation to produce. The first few weeks BFing are the hardest part, so hang in there!

You should read/ have your DH read The Nursing Mother's Companion or the info on www.kellymom.com.

mrseum 12-16-2010 07:44 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
hey mama!! Just nurse. ;) If DH tries to offer the bottle, tell him you're not ready, ect. My DS never took a bottle. Now DH is like "W/this baby you gotta wean by 6 months, so they'll sleep, or give formula before bed, ect ect. "
Nope. I'm the one giving my time to nurse the babe, you don't need to worry about it! Besides that, formula only adds about 1 extra hour of sleep, or so I've read.
That said, keep putting LO to your breast as often as possible. If you suppliment fine, but I would try not to "top off" w/a bottle. Just put the babe on again after half an hour; it's all about supply and demand.
If you need some extras; eat lots of oatmeal (I made oatmeal cookies and had a good excuse to eat a lot of them at once! ;)) or fenugreek. I started that when DS was 6 months; took 6 pills a day and that was a great help.
Good luck!

rsu 12-17-2010 09:32 AM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
another option to consider is pumping between feedings/at night and letting your hsuband give bottles. I think co-sleeping/night nursing is better for keeping your supply up (it is the route I have gone) but if you aren't comfortable with co-sleeping, then nurse nurse nurse before bed (most newborns cluster feed horribly in the evening), and pump a few times during the day if you can and have that bottle ready for the baby. Youcan either get up to nurse mid-night, or pump, but going 8-10 hours without nursing at night can hurt your supply. Good luck!

*Sabasteen* 12-17-2010 01:54 PM

Re: when you and DH disagree?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rsu (Post 11866463)
another option to consider is pumping between feedings/at night and letting your hsuband give bottles. I think co-sleeping/night nursing is better for keeping your supply up (it is the route I have gone) but if you aren't comfortable with co-sleeping, then nurse nurse nurse before bed (most newborns cluster feed horribly in the evening), and pump a few times during the day if you can and have that bottle ready for the baby. Youcan either get up to nurse mid-night, or pump, but going 8-10 hours without nursing at night can hurt your supply. Good luck!

This is what I would do - pump (night, day, etc.) and let your husband give the bottle of BM to your baby.


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