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-   -   DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent) (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1201145)

carolineb 04-26-2011 01:30 PM

DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Hi mommas! DH and I have a weekly conversation and it's his request that we start giving DS a bottle before bed. He basically says aside from having a healthy baby, the next goal is having him STTN. We did this with our 2 older boys, introducing a bottle by about 3-4 weeks. Granted, they did end up sleeping pretty well, mostly through the night by 8-12 weeks. My worry is that I felt even with pumping, it affected my supply. Nursing is going really well right now and I am just afraid to "rock the boat". But, yeah, we are pretty tired and I am co-sleeping, but DS is pretty fitful and restless, especially in the early morning hours that it makes it hard for us to sleep. He'll sleep in his own crib for up to a couple of hours, but with us for almost 4.

With our older 2, I felt my supply go down and the baby would get frustrated, so I would give in and give a bottle after trying to nurse. I tried pumping, but it didn't seem to help and eventually they got more and more bottles, then I got lazy with pumping and they weaned by 5 months.

DH understands that it's an emotional and important thing to me, but he also says he can't do ANYTHING to help me with the baby and says he feels like he hasn't been able to bond with DS yet. He doesn't change diapers b/c I am doing cloth and he was opposed to that, too.

I've told him the way he can help is to work with and handle the older two. I know he wants cuddle time with DS and he has had some. I just don't want to be guilted into giving a bottle, but I do want DH to feel like he can bond with baby, too. It's not that I am so opposed to the bottle, but I've told him that if he's getting all he needs from me, what's the point? I've told him how it changes the baby's gut, how it's unrealistic to "expect" a baby to STTN, but he doesn't buy any of that (especially since our other kids STTN so early).

I know he'll keep bringing it up and I keep saying no, but I don't want this to cause a strain on our relationship. We have a good relationship and are always on the same page. I could pump so he could get BM in a bottle, but honestly it's a pain in the neck to pump if I don't have to.

He also says that I can't go anywhere or do anything without baby and feels like I should have some "freedom". I tell him it will come, but DS is an itty bitty right now. He NEEDS to be close to mom, and I am okay with not having that "freedom" right now. I understand the commitment that EBF is and I want to do it.

I just don't know what to do about giving a bottle. I'm tempted to get some more milk plus, even though I don't think I really need it, but I am noticing in the evenings, DS is CONSTANTLY wanting to nurse, NON-STOP from 6p-10p! It gets to where I feel like he is CHEWING on me b/c the flow is so slow. I know there is milk and he's getting it. I don't feel "empty", but I don't feel as full as I do earlier in the day. (I know this is all normal). I'm sure my body has adjusted to his demand by now, too, so that's why I don't feel as "full" as I did a couple of weeks ago.

I was just REALLY wanting to go a year with NO FORMULA for this one. So...what do you mommas think?

manyquestions 04-26-2011 01:53 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
I'm sure you are going to get alot of great advice from mama's on here, but I want to give you some hugs ((((CAroline)))) - Don't use formula if you don't want your supply to decrease. I'm in a similar situation with DH although my dd is almost 6 mos. What helped us was for me to pump and give dh a bottle with breastmilk and the baby and take the older child/ren with me for a weekend morning or afternoon. Then they get the bonding time. I get time with the older ones, and it's *almost* a win/win. I don't allow formula in the house. I try to pump occasionally during the day to increase supply and so we have a frozen stash. If I'm figuring the math right, your baby is about 4 weeks, right? Remember they have growth spurts about 4 and 6 weeks and nurse more to increase your supply.

palsmama 04-26-2011 01:57 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Wow mama I am sorry you have to go thru this. I honestly would stick to my guns on this one and stand firm with a NO! A couple of hints you mentioned above stuck out to me. 1) you thought before it affected your supply 2) your baby nurses non stop from 6-10 pm and 3) formula changes the gut flora! Well to all of the above you are right and nursing from 6-10 is normal. Prolactin levels are the highest in your body from about 10 pm to 10 am and nursing during that time is very important for your supply and for baby. Not only is prolactin important for milk production but it is also ingested by the baby and used in the development of all their body systems. When your baby nurses from 6-10 that is called a cluster feed, totally normal and good for supply, bonding and attachment. Lastly yes you are right. Formula, and even just one bottle , can change the gut flora forever. It changes the ph and also the bacteria. Hope that helps. Stay strong and say no, but thanks. Babies will STTN when they are ready. As human beings we were meant to nurse our young through the night or our milk would have a totally different make up. GL

VeganCupcake 04-26-2011 02:13 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
A big :yeahthat: to the previous poster.

To reiterate: cluster feeding in the evenings is totally normal and is not a reflection of a poor supply.

Nighttime nursing is really great for your supply long-term--make sure your DH knows that that is a biological fact. It is sometimes inconvenient in our modern world, though. If you are ok with night nursing and are getting enough rest, then your DH needs to support that.

You already know that pumping is a pain in the rear. Can you emphasize that it will create more work for you than if you just nurse your DS?

There are so many other ways for your DH to bond with your baby. Can he do bathtime? Bedtime (like changing into jammies)? Dr. Sears also talks about "father nursing" which involves things like humming low tunes (lower voices are great for this), nestling baby into dad's chest, walking a fussy baby around to soothe and comfort, etc. My DH is in charge of bathtime, bedtime (aside from nursing) and jammies, and is also the chief story reader in our home.

Last night my DH stayed home with DD while I took the newb and went shopping. It was such a delight to have a leisurely shopping trip and not have to worry about my toddler wanting everything she saw, or running away from me. I told DH how much I had appreciated it (the newb just snoozed in the wrap while I shopped and was no trouble at all) so that he understood that *that* kind of simple thing is really wonderful for me.

misskira 04-26-2011 02:14 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Can you pump while dh sits next to you and bottle feeds the baby? I can see both sides. I definitely wouldn't give formula, but maybe if you can pump enough to give the baby in a bottle the following the night, and then top him off with a little more nursing it would go ok?

I went back to work full time at 4 months so we knew we would have to do at least some bottle feeding, so I had dh do it most often. It wasn't ideal but necessary for us. And it was nice that I knew if I needed to go somewhere dh could take care of ds at home and have access to milk.

Miriamkaye 04-28-2011 10:28 AM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
I hope you can work this out. But perhaps you could suggest other bonding time activities for your husband. For example after your BF could your husband wear him or cuddle him to sleep? I have been extremely blessed by a husband that is supportive to my goals. My first two had to wean at about 7 -8 months because my milk dried up from bottles. With my 3rd I avoided all introduction of a bottle and she is still going strong at almost 11 months. It has been hard at times, especially when I went back to work, but I feel like it has been worth it to breastfeed her longer.

I hope it all works out for you. Perhaps you could get your husband to read some Dr. Sears info or something. Good luck!

linzbear 04-28-2011 10:52 AM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Yeah, avoid the bottles! DH has yet to change one of DS2's diapers (he's been doing DS1's!), but has certainly had a ton of bonding time with DS2 when I pass him off to go to the bathroom or just want to get up without holding him. Cuddling a sleeping newbie is by far some of the best time you can spend with one :goodvibes:

Chris10 04-28-2011 01:46 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by carolineb (Post 12811849)
. I could pump so he could get BM in a bottle, but honestly it's a pain in the neck to pump if I don't have to.

I was just REALLY wanting to go a year with NO FORMULA for this one. So...what do you mommas think?

I don't see what the issue here is. You don't want to give formula, but pumping is a pain... even if it's a pain, if you want to give a bottle that's what you need to do.

I bf only, but still pump 3-4 times a day just because I can. It only takes about five minutes each time and I usually pump one side while dd nurses on the other- I'm going to be sitting there anyway, might as well pump.

Good luck with whatever you decide :)

Emmers22185 04-28-2011 02:09 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by VeganCupcake (Post 12812209)
A big :yeahthat: to the previous poster.

There are so many other ways for your DH to bond with your baby. Can he do bathtime? Bedtime (like changing into jammies)? Dr. Sears also talks about "father nursing" which involves things like humming low tunes (lower voices are great for this), nestling baby into dad's chest, walking a fussy baby around to soothe and comfort, etc. My DH is in charge of bathtime, bedtime (aside from nursing) and jammies, and is also the chief story reader in our home.

My husband handles all the night time routines. With our DD1 he gives her a bath, puts on her jammies, and then spends about 30-35 minutes with her putting her to bed by reading, etc. With DD2, who is 12 weeks old, he has been giving her baths and changing her into her pajamas since the beginning and when she is fussy he spends the time walking her around... we have almost the same routines that "belong" to Dad and it has been working amazing for us... it is a win/win since I get some free time and he gets the bonding time!

cbreeding 04-28-2011 05:36 PM

Re: DH wants to start a nightly bottle...but I don't...(long vent)
 
Here to, Dad has specific "tasks" that he owns. Bathtime and mornings during the weekends. I get to sleep in and he takes the baby (and the older kiddos) after they are awake for the day. When the baby wants to nurse again, that's my cue to wake up for the day.

Honestly, it still took a while for the baby to "bond" to DH, but DH bonded right away and wanted the best for our baby. Therefore, he has been super supportive of breastfeeding and both of the baby's needs and my needs. He sometimes will suggest things, especially if I've ranting about something, but ultimately he wants what I feel would be the best. Since mom and baby are both intregal to successfully breastfeeding, he accepts my concerns, feelings, and needs as being more important than his "wishes" to keeping breastfeeding successful.


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