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-   -   Preparing Older Siblings (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1205354)

mapleleaf88 05-03-2011 05:24 PM

Preparing Older Siblings
 
DSS just turned 5, and obviously knows about the baby, but I'm looking for ways to help prepare him and to help him adjust once this little ninja gets here (this ones a kicker!).

Here's what I have heard so far... love it, hate it, or add your own suggestions please!
- A Big Brother Party: once the baby gets home from the hospital, throw a small party (ie, Grandparents, Aunts, close friends) to come over. Ensure that everyone has gotten to spend time one-on-one with the baby beforehand, so the focus can be on the big brother. People are encouraged to bring gifts for big brother that somehow include little brother (ie, matching shirts, stuffies, etc.). This is basically a celebration of becoming a big brother, and lets him show off his new little guy to his family.
- I'm able to take 8 weeks off work before the baby is born and 35 weeks afterwards (yay, Canada!). I'm planning on spending that 8 weeks doing things to solidify my relationship with DSS before everything changes - making memories by going to the petting zoo, park, etc. (I just had a thought - do you think that not having the time to do these things once the baby is born might make that worse?! oh no!)
- Ensuring that we still have "dates" (both DF and DSS as well as just DSS and I) to make it all about him for at least an hour or two.

My biggest issue is that DSS is only with us 51% of the time... I think that he's going to want to bring the new LO to his Mom's house (sorry, not happening! hehe), or he'll want to stay because he feels he's missing out on family and that will make things harder for Mom (I know it'd break my heart if he hated coming over here). Any tips on dealing with this? (Communication with Mom is poor - she's already telling him that it's "Em's baby" rather than his brother, and that she hopes it will be bad so I'll have a hard time, and telling him he's not going to be Dad's favourite and whatnot...ugh! Looks like I'll have to do my best from here and hope that she doesn't sabotage their relationship)

Rdesonia 05-04-2011 09:11 AM

Re: Preparing Older Siblings
 
..

pgkcb13 05-05-2011 12:49 AM

Re: Preparing Older Siblings
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mapleleaf88 (Post 12863943)
DSS just turned 5, and obviously knows about the baby, but I'm looking for ways to help prepare him and to help him adjust once this little ninja gets here (this ones a kicker!).

Here's what I have heard so far... love it, hate it, or add your own suggestions please!
- A Big Brother Party: once the baby gets home from the hospital, throw a small party (ie, Grandparents, Aunts, close friends) to come over. Ensure that everyone has gotten to spend time one-on-one with the baby beforehand, so the focus can be on the big brother. People are encouraged to bring gifts for big brother that somehow include little brother (ie, matching shirts, stuffies, etc.). This is basically a celebration of becoming a big brother, and lets him show off his new little guy to his family.
- I'm able to take 8 weeks off work before the baby is born and 35 weeks afterwards (yay, Canada!). I'm planning on spending that 8 weeks doing things to solidify my relationship with DSS before everything changes - making memories by going to the petting zoo, park, etc. (I just had a thought - do you think that not having the time to do these things once the baby is born might make that worse?! oh no!)
- Ensuring that we still have "dates" (both DF and DSS as well as just DSS and I) to make it all about him for at least an hour or two.

My biggest issue is that DSS is only with us 51% of the time... I think that he's going to want to bring the new LO to his Mom's house (sorry, not happening! hehe), or he'll want to stay because he feels he's missing out on family and that will make things harder for Mom (I know it'd break my heart if he hated coming over here). Any tips on dealing with this? (Communication with Mom is poor - she's already telling him that it's "Em's baby" rather than his brother, and that she hopes it will be bad so I'll have a hard time, and telling him he's not going to be Dad's favourite and whatnot...ugh! Looks like I'll have to do my best from here and hope that she doesn't sabotage their relationship)

That is seriously cool of canada... why does the maternity leave suck so bad in the U.S.? Sheesh...

ANYWAY :)

The situation with mom is tough, I can't stand when parents are selfish enough to say/do things that only really hurt the child and yet so many do (I mean really, how is that helping anything? Is it making her feel better? No...). That's my rant there.

The only advice I have, since I'm looking into sibling prep too is that there's a book called 'healing stories for challenging behavior' that has a story we're going to do that talks about finding a magic stick that takes the older sibling on a journey to find treasure and they find little treasures along the way (bits of wool, sea shells, etc) that they decorate the stick with and then the big treasure at the end of the journey is the new baby. I got the book and plan on doing the story with DD and my neices (they have a new baby on the way too) and decorating 'magic' sticks just like the story...

I like the big brother party- oh! I just remembered that when my sister was born my mom got a 'make your own button' kit and made us bottins that said 'prod big sister' and 'proud big brother' and had our sister's picture. We wore them everywhere and it really made us feel special. (so glad you reminded me of this- will have to make one for dd!)

kiwi87 05-05-2011 12:06 PM

Re: Preparing Older Siblings
 
I have an almost 5 year old SD and my 4 year old DD. We also have SD 50% of the time. I think our situations are somewhat similar. To prepare our girls for the new arrival we've just done little things here and there. We have a couple of books about being an older sibling and bringing home a new baby that we read to them. We have "Big Sister" shirts for them to wear. We plan to get them each a special gift when their baby sister is born. I've let them pick things out at the store for their sister. I just try to make them feel involved in the whole process. I'm really not worried about how either of our kids will adjust. DD is very, very excited about the baby. My SD's mom actually had a baby last year, who just turned a year old. She has already sort of been through this before and it isn't as big of a deal to her.

As far as problems with your DSS's mom, I hate to say it but there just isn't a lot you can do about that. All you can do is make sure that he has a positive environment when he's in your home. When he comes to you and tells you that mom told him something negative, reassure him that it isn't going to be an issue and everything is going to be fine. My SD's mom hasn't come out and said anything negative about the baby directly (although she can be pretty awful in general), but she has made comments about SD adjusting to a new baby and acted as if it bothers her or it's going to bother her in the future. When I told SD about the baby, she literally was grinning from ear to ear and jumping up and down. This kid was not shattered by the news. We've made it very clear to her that nothing is going to change for her here, and she's going to be loved just as much.


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