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EuphoricDysphoria 05-10-2011 02:53 PM

Should I stay home?
I'm sorry if I post this in the wrong place. This is a geniune issue that I am struggling with so please don't turn this into a SAHM vs. WOHM debate.

Currently I work 2 jobs. I'm a nanny during the day and work at a cloth diaper place in the evenings when my DD is in bed. I average 84 hours a week working and obviously it is too much. I'm considering quitting my job as a nanny and staying home with my DD but still working at night. I'm not sure if this is a smart move and here's why...

We are in debt and we want to get out of it. It's debt we got from finishing our basement in our house and it's around $10,000. We want to have baby #2 in December, or at least try for baby #2 and would like to have our car paid off before then and that's $6000. There's other things we would like to pay off and in total the "debt" is $24,000.

Ok those are the reason's not to and here are the reason's why I want to...

I AM MISERABLE. I'm not kidding, the depression is getting very hard to deal with. I'm sick of putting everyone else's family/kids before my own. I choose activities based on what the other children would like, not my DD, I spend hours a day cleaning and doing laundry for another family while my house looks like complete $*** and my DD often eats garbage because her schedule makes it difficult to prepare 2 lunches. Before we can try for baby #2 I NEED to get healthy and working 84 hours a week doesn't allow much time for meal planning, exercise and therapy (I struggle with an eating disorder and my first pregnancy suffered because if it).

I'm really struggling. DH obviously wants me to work but I feel like I'm just done. Is that horrible? I'll still work nights but I can only put about $500 a month towards debt instead of $1500 like I can now. Am I a failure if I do?

Please please help me work through this. I will have to tell my boss before Friday if I am going to leave :banghead:

vladuke 05-10-2011 03:19 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Oh mama! I don't have any advice for you, just a :hugs:.

I can relate to some of what you're feeling. I'm 37 wks pg w/#2 and would love to spend the whole summer (and beyond, the way I feel right now) home with her, but circumstances have conspired to make that an impossible dream if we don't want to plunge ourselves into ridiculous debt (DH is finishing grad school, a time-consuming, but not particularly lucrative endeavor, and so far doesn't have any income coming in over the summer and I'm still too new at my job to have much vacation built up to get me beyond the 4 wks of disability pay I'll be able to collect for maternity leave).

Meanwhile, I'm burning the candle at both ends working full time and trying to keep the household from falling in around me, feeling like I have no time for my family or, heaven forbid, myself. It sucks. I wish there was an easy answer.

Shimpie 05-10-2011 03:24 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Awwww:hugs: Mama, I know how hard it is to pay down debt. I'm in the same boat too. I've got a ton of debt to pay down. At least I like my job, so it makes the time I'm away from DD bearable.

Perhaps you could a spreadsheet of what debt must be paid down before you your have your second child. It would give you an idea of how long it would take to pay it off at $1500/month versus $500/month. Personally, I would have waited a few more months or even another year before having DD. I'd have less debt, less stress, more savings, and more security.

angelina_lover 05-10-2011 03:28 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
No advice but wanted to offer some :hugs: I hope that whichever you choose you will be happy :goodvibes:

rachelmaria 05-10-2011 03:28 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Oh, honeychild, lord have mercy, go take a vacation!!!!! :jawdrop:

I feel like the answer should be quite clear, because you already answered it: "I'm sick of putting everyone else's family/kids before my own. " Then DON'T. From what you are saying, you will still be able to survive with only one job, so it is clear to me that if it is surviveable, then you should do it. My guess is not only will YOU be happier, but so will your daughter. :hugs:

I can understand not wanting to be in debt! But you gotta take on one thing at a time. How in tarnation did you plan on working 84 hours while preggo???? I would drop the job that pays less or the job that offers less benefits. But, let me ask you this: it seems to me that working as a nanny would offer some family-in-mind flexibility. Can you not bring DD with you??

And just one other thing. I think you need to remind yourself that your question isn't really, "should I stay home?". It's "should I work to support my family or work way too much?" Don't negate how hard you're working. If you drop one job, you'll still be full time at the other, right? Don't let yourself or anybody else diminish that!

:hugs: to you. I can tell you are stressed. But I know for certain that when I remove some stress in my life, I'll be so much better for it. :)

palsmama 05-10-2011 03:35 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Here is my two cents .... We are in a similar situation as far as paying off debt is concerned. We have made te choice to have me stay home for the exact reasons you said above... I would not want to sacrifice caring for other people's needs before the needs of my family. You seriously only get one life and so little time when your kids are small and need you. If I worked we could be out of debt in like 6 months but because we chose for me to stay home it's going to take 1.5 yrs. We don't care , eventually it will be paid off but my son, house and hubby won't be affected like you said. I honestly would be a terrible wife , mother, friend and employee if I had to work that much! Do what is best for your family, make sacrifices and choices you won't look back on and regret! GL and I hope your husband can support you ! I say quit! Lol

redhairboy 05-10-2011 04:15 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
awww mama thats so tough. I was in the same boat prior to having my baby in Jan. I was working many overnights and my DH would work during the day so I would go off of no sleep to take care of my 3 year old. But it was not only sleep I was missing out on. I would put my 3 year old in front of the TV and lay on the couch with him because I had no energy to get up. I had a mini breakdown like your having when I was pregnant. It was so hard doing it and but for me to switch to days would mean daycare costs which would have made it not worth working. I have a ton of student loan debt still (30,000) and other debt too. After having this baby I took on alot of medical bills (2,000) too. We are still playing catch up with winter utility bills. I switched to only working around 20 hours a week after I had the baby. I remember feeling well rested on maternity leave when most moms are tired from being up so much with a newborn. It by far is the BEST thing I did. We are not in the best boat financially but I finally get to enjoy my children but still able to work to bring in money. I think it is more important to be with your family and give them the things you want vs. getting more money. We have our entire lives to work but our children are only little once. You will still beable to pay down debt but not at the rate you were thinking. I hope you can find peace in the choice you make.

BESMama 05-10-2011 04:53 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
You need to reduce that workload! You're right that it's unhealthy! Stress is dangerous physically. Remember, you are no good to the family if you shorten your lifespan but have no debt.

BTW, I should try to take my own advice :blush:

EuphoricDysphoria 05-10-2011 05:23 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Thank you for all the advice. Is it foolish to get pregnant knowing you have a lot of debt?

Sally's Red Meadow 05-10-2011 05:34 PM

Re: Should I stay home?
Money comes and goes, but children are blessings from God. I would prefer a child anyday over money.

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