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-   -   Should I encourage a friend to BF? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12137)

Ashley 06-06-2006 03:34 PM

Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
I have a friend due to deliver her first baby in just a few weeks...She is undecided about BFing and says it will take some of the pressure off of "just her" if she uses formula so others can help with bottles. I know this is true.
I remember those difficult and very tiring beginning weeks/months of BFing when people would say, "If you weren't BFing I could give him a bottle during the night and you could sleep!!"

Is it my place to gently try and encourage her to BF or should I just let her make her own decision?

I am very committed and convinced about breastfeeding and would love some tips from others who may have encountered a similiar situation.

bfoster2000 06-06-2006 03:57 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
If she's truly undecided, I don't think there's anything wrong with encouraging her to bf. Let her know all the great things about bf...why you love it even though in some ways it may look like more work. Remind her that ff is no walk in the park either...*somebody* has to get up during the night to make the bottle (while the baby waits patiently, right?), it's expensive, less portable, etc. There's also the option that once things going, after the first few weeks she may be able to pump enough for her dh to give a bottle of breastmilk during the night. Or she may find out that it really doesn't matter what she's feeding because her dh is not nearly as eager to help out as she'd hoped. I think that putting too much pressure is sometimes counter productive and turns people off, but there is nothing wrong with being encouraging. And be honest with her. Yes, it does suck sometimes when you really wish you could just pull the covers over your head and let dh do this one feeding...but it's also somewhat gratifying to know that you can handle this in a way no one else in the world can...that your baby wants you...not Daddy or Grandma. It's a mixed blessing.

We all know that every little bit of bm helps, so worst case I would encourage her to give it a try. Even if she decides after a few days that it's not for her, at least her baby got the colostrum. Don't present it to her quite that way, but if she starts out bf and it's just not working, it's a whole lot easier to switch to formula down the road than to go the other way. That's still not coming out right. You know what I'm trying to say though!

Good luck!

scatterbrainedmom 06-06-2006 04:05 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
i think so. breastmilk IS best and formula is just a crappy second (i ff my first by choice, so i don't need any self righteous comments). if someone is able to breastfeed and has been thoughro (sp) with their research and still chooses not to, that is selfish. yes there are problem and somtimes damn hard problems, but a baby needs the best and breast is best.


that post came out *****y lol. i really don't mean to sound that way, but i'm in a hurry.

Prettylocks 06-06-2006 04:08 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
Is it my place to gently try and encourage her to BF or should I just let her make her own decision?

Yes, I think it is your place as her friend to encourage her to do the best thing. Maybe help her find your local La Leche League to help her through the rough times of bf'ing.

bfoster2000 06-06-2006 06:54 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
Remind her too that if people really want to help, there are lots of other things they can do besides feeding. I had to pump exclusively for the first ~7 weeks or so and I was SOOOO happy when DJ finally started nursing because it was something that only I could do. It gave me an excuse to take him away from one of the overbearing grandmas and even run hide in another room if I wanted to (I never hesitated to nurse in front of people when I wanted to, but nobody ever complained if I left the room to do it ;))

I hate to hear someone say that they're just going to "give bf a try" and switch if they have problems because let's face it, 90% of us have problems at some point so it's easy to find an excuse to switch. To me, it's kind of like getting married and saying "WTH, if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce"...you know those people will wind up getting divorced, probably sooner than later. You have a much better chance of success if you go into it 100% committed to sticking it out no matter what. Still, if "giving it a try" is the best she can do, in this case, that's better for her baby than nothing. Like I said though, some people can be really pushy about it (for all the right reasons) and that's a major turnoff for some people. There's a fine line between encouraging/supporting and browbeating IMO...I try to stay on the right side of that line but we're all guilty of crossing it once in a while I think! :)

momof2inohio 06-06-2006 11:08 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
My friend had her baby boy about 6 weeks ago. She didn't BF her firstborn, and said she wanted to BF her second. She said she was going to "try like the ****ens" to do it, so I forwarded her all the info I had on the subject, because, I too, FF my firstborn and wanted it to work so much for me to BF my 2nd. I told her of my bad experience with crack and bleeding nipples and how I pumped until they healed and how I kept telling myself I had to get through the first couple weeks and it will all come together. And it did, but it was hard. But I also told her of the experience of holding my baby to my breast and feeling the let down, a squirt or two here and there, but that the overall experience, although painful and difficult in the beginning is so worth it.

I told her all this and she said she was as determined as me, but I spoke with her a couple days ago and she's still giving formula in bottles so her hubby and DS #1 can feed the babe. I said bottle was fine, but why not BM? She said it was uncomfortable to pump, and I had to agree. I tried to give her encouragement and remind her of BM benefits, but I could tell she didn't want to hear it.

It really disappointed me that she came off so determined, and obviously, she's not. I get too sensitive these days! LOL Now that I know things I didn't know when my DS #1 was a baby, I tend to get all worked up when things don't go as I think they should. *sigh* I need to just get over it.

EmnJJsMom 06-07-2006 11:05 AM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
I think it's your place to encourage, but not push. If you're anything like me though, you're going to push LOL I'm not quiet about my opinion on formula and I make it well known. Some people get upset with my because I'm overly pushy, and I know I am, but I agree 100% with this comment

"i think so. breastmilk IS best and formula is just a crappy second (i ff my first by choice, so i don't need any self righteous comments). if someone is able to breastfeed and has been thoughro (sp) with their research and still chooses not to, that is selfish. yes there are problem and somtimes damn hard problems, but a baby needs the best and breast is best."

CMamma 06-07-2006 11:11 AM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
I would encourage her but also be supportive in letting her know whatever she chooses for her baby is best for her & her baby. While I am a ginormous advocate of BFing I know that when people are too pushy it can actually push people further away. Remember you catch more bees w/honey or however that goes

TaivensMama 06-07-2006 11:43 AM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
OH I would say yes...explain the benefits health wise many people don't know it reduces your chances of getting breast cancer and helps you lose weight also has enymes that clean the babies teeth unlike formula which will rot their teeth and many other things, check out 101 reasons to breastfeed, maybe take 3 or 4 really big benefits maybe she wouldn't know and tell her..that alone might be enough to sway her....and also remind her of the fact that so many babies have allergies to formula and may end up having to have the formula that costs 30 bucks a can and once she makes the decision to bottle feed its hard to turn back time and try nursing. It is a lot easier to nurse and maybe suppliment with formula or expressed milk, explain the ease of breastfeeding, you don't have to get up to fix bottles its ready whenever the baby is and when you are out and about you never have to worry about packing bottles, you have milk ready to be served!...and remind her that she can pump and others can give her baby a bottle, even early on, I have a problem with doctors saying to wait 6 weeks before giving a bottle, I waited two weeks and my son took to both, all my friends waited the 6 weeks and NONE of their babies would take a bottle they were so used to the breast. Ultimately it is up to her, but being there to let her know how great of an expirience it has been for you and all the benefits there are, it is worth considering...I have just started Nannying again and she is breastfed, I give her expressed milk bottles but even then...it makes me remember how easy it was to whip out the ol' boob anywhere anytime...waiting for the bottle to heat in warm water takes ages and when out at the park and she gets hungry, she hates cold bottles...just be sure to not be overbearing...a lot of people take advice as you thinking you are better...I am very opinionated about certain issues, but most people see things differently so I have learned to respect their opinion but inform them why I chose to do things the way I do...they inturn respect my ways and I respect theirs even if it's not aggreed upon, but there are also those times that in explaining I convert people and THAT always feels good!...now the question is...is she gonna use CLOTH??? hehehhe

jls~Kain~Drake 06-07-2006 12:07 PM

Re: Should I encourage a friend to BF?
 
I haven't read the other posts...but as a mom who bf for a very short time and has had to formula feed (long story, won't go into it)....I think you should definitely encourage her if she's undecided! If she's already made up her mind, she probably won't appreciate it..but if she's still trying to make a decision...then by all means encourage her. It would've meant the WORLD to me to have someone supporting me and encouraging me. And although the beginning is difficult, bfing is so much easier than getting up to make a stupid bottle! I **HATE** formula. Not only is it a huge pain to make a bottle, but it STINKS. It's also incredibly expensive. Drake is on the Alimentum...which is $25/16oz can..and he goes through 8-10 cans/month. And as far as someone else feeding...she can pump! And when the baby gets so old (like my 28 month old :( ) she'll be wishing for those nights they shared. I'm sure it'll be hard for her to believe and maybe not everyone agrees with me, but boy do I miss them.


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