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-   -   Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1225040)

Soph's Mom 06-09-2011 10:49 PM

Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
My DD was born at 35 weeks and aside from jaundice and not wanting to wake to eat for several weeks she was healthy. She was hospitalized at 6 mos for a week with bronchiolitis and some pneumonia as a result of RSV. Babies are generally over 9 lbs in my family so she was 6.5 and I attribute that to her doing so well. She is 23 lbs at 9 mos old and is right on target with her milestones and all.

No one believes she was a preemie bc of her size and a friend of mine (her little best friend's mom) always dismisses her as a preemie. Her DD was a 33 weeker and she blames everything on that. She always says well she's a preemie so that's why she's not doing this or that... And when I remind her that my DD was a preemie too (along with another little boy in our group who was a 35 weeker and is on target or ahead) she says 'oh well I keep forgetting.' Should my daughter be exempted just bc she did well? I'm proud that my preemie did so well and I hate her being dismissed just bc she's not behind... She's just ahead for her adjusted age.

I'm just hoping someone else has been through this and understands...

kar5162 06-11-2011 10:27 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
Every baby is different and develops differently. I don't think it's right to just dismiss your child's being a preemie just because of her size, but at the same time, the way I read your post, it sounds like your implying her daughter shouldn't be behind because she was a preemie.

It doesn't make sense to me to disregard the fact that her daughter's delays could be due to prematurity just because yours doesn't have any. Some preemies are completely on target for size and milestones and others take a bit longer. Now, perhaps her daughter is delayed even accounting for prematurity, but it's perfectly reasonable for her to expect her daughter to act almost 2 months younger than a FT peer given she was born almost 2 months younger. I'll also add that each week at that point can make a huge difference. So while it's great that your child is ahead of her adjusted age, it is completely normal and expected that her child would be on target with her adjusted age.

DS was a 34 weeker and we heard a lot of getting to 32 was huge and then the next real goal is 34 for suck-swallow-breath, but 35 was much better in terms of avoiding delays. DS's always been on target for size - he was nearly 10 lbs on his due date, but has been behind all along on many milestones, though started to catch up in a lot of areas around 18 months.

Soph's Mom 06-12-2011 06:38 AM

I in no way meant that a preemie should not be behind. I'm just tired of my baby being dismissed as one bc she's not. I do think that the progress of any child depends on the time that parents spend teaching them. (these two babies had due dates a few days apart... The other baby's was 10-8 and mine was 10-13) When I see the other child pick something up almost instantly by being shown how to do it or by watching another baby then I know it's not just complications from being a preemie.

If a child is constantly left laying and playing on it's back instead of teaching it then it won't progress. Don't blame it on prematurity. If you work with your child and it's making the most progress it can than delays can be related to being a preemie. I've babysat the other baby I know what she's capable of.

That was my point. I just don't want my baby and others like her dismissed as preemies bc we work with them.

kar5162 06-12-2011 12:39 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
That's really a different story - and very different than what you wrote in your OP . That said, just because you work with them doesn't mean a preemie will be able to be ahead of their adjusted age. DS is not and we've worked with him extensively since he was very small. He's ahead on speech and feeding, but behind on motor skills. And believe me, if it was related to the amount we'd worked, he'd be as advanced as your average 3 year old.

FerventlyDreaming 06-12-2011 12:49 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
This happens to my DS all the time. DS was born at 6 pounds 13 ounces at 35 weeks. He did really well and was in NICU for 5 days because of Jaundice. He is always around 70th percentile for height (give or take depending on the visit) and was always off the charts....way off for weight (actual age). Now he has slimmed considerably and even lost weight. His highest weight was 26 pounds but now he is sticking at 23-24 pounds. No one gives him credit for being a preemie when it comes to his development and it annoys me. He is always on target with things like small muscle and communication. He has been saying things like mama dada dog dog no and more for a long time. He is very good with that stuff far ahead of his age group. Large muscle however he is always slow on. For example rolling, crawling and now he just took his first step yesterday at 13.5 months. I get really annoyed when people don't see him as the preemie he is. I have just had to come to terms with the fact that I know what a miracle he is and no one else really understand.

Soph's Mom 06-12-2011 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mmbreb
This happens to my DS all the time. DS was born at 6 pounds 13 ounces at 35 weeks. He did really well and was in NICU for 5 days because of Jaundice. He is always around 70th percentile for height (give or take depending on the visit) and was always off the charts....way off for weight (actual age). Now he has slimmed considerably and even lost weight. His highest weight was 26 pounds but now he is sticking at 23-24 pounds. No one gives him credit for being a preemie when it comes to his development and it annoys me. He is always on target with things like small muscle and communication. He has been saying things like mama dada dog dog no and more for a long time. He is very good with that stuff far ahead of his age group. Large muscle however he is always slow on. For example rolling, crawling and now he just took his first step yesterday at 13.5 months. I get really annoyed when people don't see him as the preemie he is. I have just had to come to terms with the fact that I know what a miracle he is and no one else really understand.

I'm glad you've been where I am... My DD is in the 90th percentile for height and weight.

Chrijodo 06-12-2011 05:34 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
I haven't been where you are because my preemies are delayed and are itty bitty. But I do have the reverse side.. People who act like my daughters aren't being cared for because they are delayed for their ACTUAL age and slightly delayed for their adjusted age. My girls were 34 weekers and were 5 lbs 4 and 3 lbs 13 at birth and at 9 months old aren't even on the charts for their adjusted age (15 lbs 5 oz and 14 lbs 7 oz). I try and keep the motto that until I've walked in another's shoes.. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you though. But I'm not sure why you want her noticed as a preemie when she doesn't have any problems, her prematurity hasn't been a factor for her and you're lucky. If she's meeting her milestones and percentiles I'm not sure why the label of preemie would matter at that point?

FerventlyDreaming 06-12-2011 06:16 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Chrijodo (Post 13131420)
I haven't been where you are because my preemies are delayed and are itty bitty. But I do have the reverse side.. People who act like my daughters aren't being cared for because they are delayed for their ACTUAL age and slightly delayed for their adjusted age. My girls were 34 weekers and were 5 lbs 4 and 3 lbs 13 at birth and at 9 months old aren't even on the charts for their adjusted age (15 lbs 5 oz and 14 lbs 7 oz). I try and keep the motto that until I've walked in another's shoes.. I can imagine how frustrating it must be for you though. But I'm not sure why you want her noticed as a preemie when she doesn't have any problems, her prematurity hasn't been a factor for her and you're lucky. If she's meeting her milestones and percentiles I'm not sure why the label of preemie would matter at that point?

For me people will say oh is he rolling(insert crawling, walking etc) on schedule? Than I have to explain for his actual age he may be marginally slow (not outside of the norm but very close to the threshold) on large muscle activities but for his actual age he is on target. I get a lot of people who look at me questionably or come out and say "well I guess he is still TECHNICALLY a preemie!" I find that annoying. Five weeks is a lot. We fought like hell to make it to 35 weeks and we know all the statistics of earlier preemies and we thank God everyday he made it to 35 weeks, BUT all that does not mean he doesn't have a legitimate claim to getting a couple extra weeks to do things on schedule.:banghead: Also you want people to notice how exceptional your kids are :giggle: and its fun to say yeah he is ahead of his actual age but hes REALLY ahead for his adjusted age:goodvibes: I think most of all you just want people to understand you and its hard when they discount all you have been through and the hard work you put in to get there.

kgmom 06-12-2011 06:17 PM

I get that -- my 34 week preemie was 6 lbs 1 oz at birth so people assume that because she was the size of a full term baby she shouldn't have issues. She is developmentally delayed, though. She's more in line with her adjusted age, which surprises some people who figured that since she was big it was all good...

Chrijodo 06-12-2011 08:05 PM

Re: Does anyone else's preemie get dismissed bc of their size or progress?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by mmbreb (Post 13131647)
For me people will say oh is he rolling(insert crawling, walking etc) on schedule? Than I have to explain for his actual age he may be marginally slow (not outside of the norm but very close to the threshold) on large muscle activities but for his actual age he is on target. I get a lot of people who look at me questionably or come out and say "well I guess he is still TECHNICALLY a preemie!" I find that annoying. Five weeks is a lot. We fought like hell to make it to 35 weeks and we know all the statistics of earlier preemies and we thank God everyday he made it to 35 weeks, BUT all that does not mean he doesn't have a legitimate claim to getting a couple extra weeks to do things on schedule.:banghead: Also you want people to notice how exceptional your kids are :giggle: and its fun to say yeah he is ahead of his actual age but hes REALLY ahead for his adjusted age:goodvibes: I think most of all you just want people to understand you and its hard when they discount all you have been through and the hard work you put in to get there.

That I get :)


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