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MamaNeeNee 06-18-2011 12:42 PM

I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my daughter since she was born 3 months ago, and I don't plan on stopping until she wants to stop...but I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I can't stand BFing!!!!! I don't know what is wrong with me!!! Are any of you other mamas like this???
Almost everytime she's hungry I dread feeding her, like I HATE it. I absolutely LOVE my daughter, I love her with all my heart....but I HATE feeding her! At first it was painful for a long time, now it's just annoying me to the point of going a little craycray:lostit:...
She eats ALL THE TIME it feels like. At LEAST 12 times a day, plus she won't take a pacifer, so she instead decided to turn my boob into one. She has been super fussy the past month also, she will cry and want to be "fed" and instead of eating she'll want to sit there with my boob in her mouth grrrrr, sooo annoying! I'll take her away and she'll start up again with the crying. She will eat and unlatch and cry, all the time too! She will do this a few times every time she eats, and I will have to get her to latch over and over again. Sometimes it's because my letdown is too much for her and she'll cough and pull away, but a lot of the time I'm not sure why she does it....she will fling her arms all over the place and squirm around so I have to hold her still....eventually after a LONG time, she'll be more calm...she is a squirmy maniac every time she eats.
I personally HATE how BFING Feels, I can't stand it! It's so uncomfortable to me. And it feels so weird and unnatural. I know it's the MOST natural thing you could do, that's why I'm doing it, but to me it feels gross and annoying and invasive. I'm super weird and creeped out by the thought of it, like if I'm sitting there feeding her thinking about it, it's unbearable. I have to keep myself occupied with TV or the internet, I can't sit there and enjoy the "bonding" experience with her....
I thought I was done sharing my body now that I'm not pregnant anymore, the opposite. Now I have to share my boobs 24/7 with a squirmy crying little person, who bites and pukes all over them! Not to mention BFing is exhausting and I HATE how my nipples look now!! I'm also weird about breastfeeding in public. Just me PERSONALLY. I love seeing women BFing, OTHER women, it looks beautiful and empowering, but I hate doing it! I get really creeped out by all the men that stare...I kind of have issues with men. Even if I have a cover, I still feel like people are staring at me, and I hate to be the center of attention! And I KNOW I would be. She is such a squirmy eater, and she is constantly moving around and unlatching...she would totally leave my boob exposed, and milk would get everywhere...messy...not doing it. The last time I tried to go out to lunch, she started crying immediately in the restaurant, so I had to go back out to the car and BF, which was incredibly awkward and cramped. She ate for FOREVER, probably because she OVERATE, which is also a problem...she will want to latch and suck my boob for comfort, ends up over-eating I think, and puking. Puked all over me in the car, drove home....no point in going out.
I hate that I have to eat healthy STILL. I thought I was done eating organic, and limiting my intake of dairy...and sweets...and not being able to enjoy crappy energy drinks and a whole bunch of caffeine. I have to eat all the time because of my appetite, I wish I didn't have to eat so healthy!!!! It's like my body is a prison still!!! (Haha you can tell I enjoyed pregnancy right!?) I want to be able to drink and smoke a little! I can't do anything! Just the other day my friend came over who I hadn't seen in over a year, and her visit was such a let down. I was ill-prepared for it a little, the baby would not calm down, she wanted to eat the entire time they were here...it sucked! The whole time I was in the back room feeding her while my friend and her boyfriend hung out in our living room.When I was hanging out with them, I couldn't get my brain to concentrate on having a normal adult conversation that didn't revolve around my baby, or thinking about my baby. I didn't even have the ability to look sane and ask engaging questions, I felt like a failure friend, like some psycho ADD mom :sadbye:
I know I should shut up and stop complaining...I should be thankful that I can BF successfully...but I can't. I can't stop myself from thinking how much easier it would be on ME to use formula. Maybe I would be less exhausted and angry about it, if I felt like my boyfriend was helping me out more...he never says encouraging things to me about BFing...or anything really for that matter, at least not on the daily...he's been barely taking care of our daughter I do everything. He's on a break from school, and not working, he hasn't been helping me do anything, he sleeps all day and plays video games all night....and complains to me about how I need to clean more, that's about it.
Ok ANYWAY, that's a whole other issue....stemming from the first one I have...BFing!!!!!!!! Blah I don't know how I'm going to do it for so much longer! But I know I'm going to. When I set my mind to something, I generally do it...I know I wanted an all natural birth did it, I know I want to BF, I'm going to do it, it's just so hard!!!!!

Oh and we've tried bottles before, she WON'T take them! I've pumped and decided maybe I could exclusively bottle feed...didn't work. Still trying to get her to take it...but now I'm frustrated because I've pumped on a few different occasions and the milk has gone bad....BM is like liquid gold!!!! Much like BFing I HATE pumping!!!! So it's so tramatic to lose some. :cry:

lecialefty 06-18-2011 01:12 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
Oh dear mama, I'm sorry. :hugs: I don't have much advice but I'll give what I can.


Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaNeeNee (Post 13175976)
I have been exclusively breastfeeding my daughter since she was born 3 months ago, and I don't plan on stopping until she wants to stop...but I HATE IT!!!!!!!!! I can't stand BFing!!!!! I don't know what is wrong with me!!! Are any of you other mamas like this???

There are some mama's who don't like it. It wasn't my favorite thing to do but I was determined to do it at least a year. I made it, barely.

Quote:

Almost everytime she's hungry I dread feeding her, like I HATE it. I absolutely LOVE my daughter, I love her with all my heart....but I HATE feeding her! At first it was painful for a long time, now it's just annoying me to the point of going a little craycray:lostit:...
Can you get a few hours by yourself? I know I went stir crazy when I was at home with dd all day and was attached 24/7.

Quote:

She eats ALL THE TIME it feels like. At LEAST 12 times a day, plus she won't take a pacifer, so she instead decided to turn my boob into one. She has been super fussy the past month also, she will cry and want to be "fed" and instead of eating she'll want to sit there with my boob in her mouth grrrrr, sooo annoying! I'll take her away and she'll start up again with the crying. She will eat and unlatch and cry, all the time too! She will do this a few times every time she eats, and I will have to get her to latch over and over again. Sometimes it's because my letdown is too much for her and she'll cough and pull away, but a lot of the time I'm not sure why she does it....she will fling her arms all over the place and squirm around so I have to hold her still....eventually after a LONG time, she'll be more calm...she is a squirmy maniac every time she eats.
12x a day is pretty typical for her age (3 months right?). She will eventually do less. My dd did much better by 5 months. Do you have oversupply? Could you pump just a tiny bit before feeding so the let down isn't as much? Have you checked for tongue-tie to see if that is part of her latch problem?

Can you sit in a quiet dark place to see if that helps with the squirming?

Quote:

I personally HATE how BFING Feels, I can't stand it! It's so uncomfortable to me. And it feels so weird and unnatural. I know it's the MOST natural thing you could do, that's why I'm doing it, but to me it feels gross and annoying and invasive. I'm super weird and creeped out by the thought of it, like if I'm sitting there feeding her thinking about it, it's unbearable. I have to keep myself occupied with TV or the internet, I can't sit there and enjoy the "bonding" experience with her....
:hugs: I got pretty touched out at the end and started dreading when it was time for dd to nurse. I don't know if it will help but try to think about nurturing your baby instead of thinking about how it feels.

Quote:

I thought I was done sharing my body now that I'm not pregnant anymore, the opposite. Now I have to share my boobs 24/7 with a squirmy crying little person, who bites and pukes all over them! Not to mention BFing is exhausting and I HATE how my nipples look now!! I'm also weird about breastfeeding in public. Just me PERSONALLY. I love seeing women BFing, OTHER women, it looks beautiful and empowering, but I hate doing it! I get really creeped out by all the men that stare...I kind of have issues with men. Even if I have a cover, I still feel like people are staring at me, and I hate to be the center of attention! And I KNOW I would be. She is such a squirmy eater, and she is constantly moving around and unlatching...she would totally leave my boob exposed, and milk would get everywhere...messy...not doing it. The last time I tried to go out to lunch, she started crying immediately in the restaurant, so I had to go back out to the car and BF, which was incredibly awkward and cramped. She ate for FOREVER, probably because she OVERATE, which is also a problem...she will want to latch and suck my boob for comfort, ends up over-eating I think, and puking. Puked all over me in the car, drove home....no point in going out.
It took me quite a while to be comfortable in public, even then I only did it at my mom's, mil's, or church nursery. I could never sit out at the mall in do it. I guess some are comfortable and some are not. As far as your body looks, they would have changed just from the pregnancy, it's not necessarily breastfeeding that changed them although it's contributed to it.

Quote:

I hate that I have to eat healthy STILL. I thought I was done eating organic, and limiting my intake of dairy...and sweets...and not being able to enjoy crappy energy drinks and a whole bunch of caffeine. I have to eat all the time because of my appetite, I wish I didn't have to eat so healthy!!!! It's like my body is a prison still!!! (Haha you can tell I enjoyed pregnancy right!?) I want to be able to drink and smoke a little! I can't do anything! Just the other day my friend came over who I hadn't seen in over a year, and her visit was such a let down. I was ill-prepared for it a little, the baby would not calm down, she wanted to eat the entire time they were here...it sucked! The whole time I was in the back room feeding her while my friend and her boyfriend hung out in our living room.When I was hanging out with them, I couldn't get my brain to concentrate on having a normal adult conversation that didn't revolve around my baby, or thinking about my baby. I didn't even have the ability to look sane and ask engaging questions, I felt like a failure friend, like some psycho ADD mom :sadbye:
You may not like to eat healthy but it is really one of the best things you can do for yourself. A little caffeine and even a little alcohol is just fine while breastfeeding. I used to have a coke a day when I nursed and my dd did just fine. Some have a sensitivity though so you may have to check that.

Quote:

I know I should shut up and stop complaining...I should be thankful that I can BF successfully...but I can't. I can't stop myself from thinking how much easier it would be on ME to use formula. Maybe I would be less exhausted and angry about it, if I felt like my boyfriend was helping me out more...he never says encouraging things to me about BFing...or anything really for that matter, at least not on the daily...he's been barely taking care of our daughter I do everything. He's on a break from school, and not working, he hasn't been helping me do anything, he sleeps all day and plays video games all night....and complains to me about how I need to clean more, that's about it.
Ok ANYWAY, that's a whole other issue....stemming from the first one I have...BFing!!!!!!!! Blah I don't know how I'm going to do it for so much longer! But I know I'm going to. When I set my mind to something, I generally do it...I know I wanted an all natural birth did it, I know I want to BF, I'm going to do it, it's just so hard!!!!!
It helps when you can have some support at home. Have you talked to your bf about the problems you're having?

Quote:

Oh and we've tried bottles before, she WON'T take them! I've pumped and decided maybe I could exclusively bottle feed...didn't work. Still trying to get her to take it...but now I'm frustrated because I've pumped on a few different occasions and the milk has gone bad....BM is like liquid gold!!!! Much like BFing I HATE pumping!!!! So it's so tramatic to lose some. :cry:
I never cared for pumping either and could never get enough to make it worth it. I was also unwilling to take drugs to increase my supply enough to pump. Some people respond well to a pump and others don't.

Did someone besides you try the bottle? If baby can see or smell you (yes smell) they will sometimes refuse because they know you're there. Get some freezer bags for when you do pump. It can stay frozen for 4-6+ months and still be fine.



I support breastfeeding but sometimes formula is necessary. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but you've got to find what works for you. If you're an emotional wreck and can't stand your baby something needs to change.

Do you have ppd? I hate to ask but sometimes women have it and don't really realize it. There are some safe meds for it to take while breastfeeding.

:hugs: I hope that helped in some way. You are not a bad mom for not liking breastfeeding. Just find what works for you and baby.


eta: do you feel this way all the time or just at let down? You might want to take a look at http://www.d-mer.org/ to see if that might be part of your problem. :hugs:

jacquelinemarie82 06-18-2011 01:31 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
Have you asked advice from a local lactation consultant? Someone who might even be able to come to your house or meet you somewhere to help you with all your issues and questions. I met with one when my dd was 2 weeks old and it REALLY helped!

Have you asked your bf to be more involved and specifically told him what you need him to do? That's ridiculous that you have to do everything while he lazes around. Honestly I imagine the stress of that makes bfing that much more irksome because he gets to do what he wants while you struggle with your dd.

keep in mind that your dd is still VERY young and this is all new for her and you. She could have some health issues like reflux or colic so def. go to your doctor and ask.

bcarroll9494 06-18-2011 01:56 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
Do you have a local La Leche League? I hardly ever nursed my first dd in public - but with dd2, I find it no big deal. It does take practice to do it ..... discreetly is not the key-word..... but confidently! Being amongst a group of other women who NIP casually & confidently is very helpful.
Plus - they can address other issues you have about BFing. It does help to learn that your baby's "annyoing" habits are probably quite common among other's and veteran moms may be able to discus how those annoying phases were simply phases and often pass onto more serene times!

Good Luck Mama! :hugs:

Clavdia_Chauchat 06-18-2011 02:19 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
I hear you. And believe me: You are not alone!

I know how great BFing is, etc., etc., etc. And sometimes I really do enjoy the bonding time. But there are many aspects of it I hated. Which I am just remembering now with my two-week old DD.

My DS was "extremely fussy," woudln't take a pacifier, wouldn't touch frozen BM, would sometimes choke down pumped milk (so I could hardly ever leave the house for long periods unless I planned it for days in advance), woudln't sleep for more than 40 minutes at a time. It was BRUTAL.

I did, as PP mentioned, have PPD. If you think you might have it, don't suffer alone. Reach out! There are lots of moms in the SAME EXACT BOAT and you don't have to be alone. I didn't reach out--which is part of PPD. But you really don't need to feel alone in this.

And I cried when I first pumped and sometimes after that. I felt like a cow hooked up to a milking machine. It took a long time to feel comfortable and womanly after BFing--like I lost my identity as a woman and was only a milk vessel.

I was definitely not one of these blissful moms who wanted to BF forever. It's hard sometimes. For me one of the hardest things is feeling like you have no control over your own body. And then there was my DS with 20 teeth in his mouth before his first birthday who thought it was great fun to chomp down on my nipples.

I think PP offers good advice about La Leche League. The forums on Kellymom also helped me get through the worst of it.

Hang in there, mama! You really are through the worst part!

Clavdia_Chauchat 06-18-2011 02:34 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by lecialefty (Post 13176101)
If you're an emotional wreck and can't stand your baby something needs to change.

Do you have ppd? I hate to ask but sometimes women have it and don't really realize it.

I completely agree with this! I know you're BFing to be the best mom you can be, but--really!!!--if you reach out for help and are still feeling this way, maybe BFing isn't the healthiest choice for you? It's better to be emotionally present in the fullest way possible than to stick to some script or IDEA of how you thought things were going to go or how you think they are supposed to go. KWIM??

Sometimes we bully ourselves into thinking we have to do XY and Z to be the best mom we can be--but we get so caught up in the details that we forget that being well rested and happy makes you a WAY better mom than following some list we have in our heads. :hugs:

Leaner 06-18-2011 05:20 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
I second PPD. It sounds like you need to talk to someone about that. :hugs:

Lu&Ce'sMommy 06-18-2011 05:28 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
What about the whole D-MER thing? That could be it too

To be honest I'm not too much of a fan either but it's because she's so picky and fussy but we are still going but there's days I could just quit.

Lu&Ce'sMommy 06-18-2011 05:37 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MamaNeeNee (Post 13175976)
Oh and we've tried bottles before, she WON'T take them! I've pumped and decided maybe I could exclusively bottle feed...didn't work. Still trying to get her to take it...but now I'm frustrated because I've pumped on a few different occasions and the milk has gone bad....BM is like liquid gold!!!! Much like BFing I HATE pumping!!!! So it's so tramatic to lose some. :cry:

In addition, my DD WOULD NOT take a bottle. I tried every thing but she pretty much had to since i had to go back to work and I had to start supplementing. I had Born Free bottles but she didn't want them I bought Breastflow, no to those as well. The Playtex NaturaLatch she didn't like at first but we had to keep forcing them she still hated it then she FINALLY gave in (the day before I went back to work!) I would EP but I don't make that much milk especially when I only pump.

mommy2jasmine 06-18-2011 07:00 PM

Re: I HATE BFING!!!!!!!
 
I would rec going to a LLL meeting or talking to a LC as well. You mention being uncomfortable. Well, you also mentioned just not liking the feel of it all, too, but if there is true discomfort, she could very well have a tongue tie, or a high palate or something "wrong" that contributes to the way it feels.

To commiserate a little...My son doesn't sit still when he nurses either, and I can't really figure out why. He pushes away so he's pulling very hard on my nipple, he turns in different directions, and he unlatches constantly, do to his poor suck...It's not a lot of fun in those situations. :(

Also, are you taking vitamins? I take a great vitamin complex as well as eat healthy, and because of that I allow myself to graze on "bad" things every so often, stop at Taco Bell, eat too much ice cream, etc.. Because I know my body and his is already very well taken care of. Also, as far as the caffeine, while some babies are sensitive to it, not all are, and kellymom.com says that there is no reason not to drink it if baby can handle it. I drink energy drinks :)

I'm sorry it's not fun for you, and you aren't enjoying it. I would definitely recommend going to get checked out for PPD as others have mentioned too. And find a way to get your boyfriend to help you out. That is totally unfair of him, and could very well be the root of all that's going on. You need to feel appreciated for all you're doing, despite how you are feeling, and you don't seem to be getting that from him. I'm very sorry. I know what that's like! :(

You are doing an amazing thing, though, and you know your daughter will appreciate it sooo very much when she is old enough to know :)


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