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-   -   NObody gets it! GGRRR (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1233348)

carolineb 06-24-2011 06:17 PM

NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
Okay, this is just a rant/vent. Not really sure where to post this since it covers several areas, but it all seems to go back to BF. Anyway, NONE of my family gets my philosophies on natural childbirth, babywearing, breastfeeding, etc. DH sort of gets it, but he still keeps asking about bottles as he seems to think that's the ONLY way he can bond with DS. We're about to go on vacation with family and I know I'm just going to hear all the "comments" that will just grate on my nerves.

Things like "a bottle won't hurt him", or "you don't need to hold that baby all the time, put him down or he'll get spoiled", or I'd just put him to bed and let him cry, it won't hurt him" Ugh...YES it will! A baby that age (3 months) has a biological need to be near his mother and when he cries, it's because he has a need that must be met. It WILL hurt him if he doesn't get his needs met. And no, a bottle won't hurt HIM (especially if it's pumped milk), but it will hurt my supply, even if I pump. I went down that road with my first 2 and I don't want to do it again. He's had a couple of bottles, but everyone complains that they can't feed him, but it's ME that has to deal with the PITA of pumping. But then they say, why can't you just use formula? And this is no bashing on formula, my first 2 were FF after 4 months...but I just don't WANT to use formula. I've read more and learned more about it changing their gut and everything else and if I can make the best/right stuff for free, then why buy it? I am thankful and blessed that I have not had supply issues so I just see no reason in using formula. I'm a SAHM, so there's really no need to pump.

We also homeschool and that's a whole 'nother topic but I guess to them they think that I am some hippie that has gone off the deep end or something.

I know they all want cuddle time and it's not that I am purposely withholding it from them, but a baby that young needs to be near his mama. And honestly, I want him near me, too. Everyone says it will give me a chance to take a break. They don't get that I don't WANT a break. It's okay! I am fully aware of the commitment and level of attachment involved with EBF and babywearing. I WANT it that way! But then, they always say, "he is the happiest baby! Rarely hear him cry (except when mom isn't around...DUH!!!) Sure, I get tired and maybe someone else holding him for a bit would be great. I do appreciate a longer shower, or to eat w/o him strapped to me, but I don't expect a long date night or anything. I'd be too worried about the baby, but they just don't get it. It's not that I don't trust them to take good care of him, I just don't want him missing his mama.

Thankfully, my SIL who EBF her kids past a year understands and has my back! DH still thinks that EBF until 3 months is important but after that it's all the same...ugh...oh, and daddy doesn't do diaper changes b/c I am doing cloth and didn't really ask him or his opinion. He's not on that train so he would rather not mess with it. I actually have an easy CD system. I just need to show him. He could at least do pee diapers. Even poopy ones he could change and then leave for me to deal with.

Oh well..thanks for letting me vent. I'll give an update on any/all comments I get while we are on vacation! HA!

cupnkey 06-24-2011 06:29 PM

You sound just like me in my parenting style. I have a 6 month old DD and I have found that my family didn't make as many comments as I had anticipated. You might be surprised, they may keep their opinions to themselves. The only annoying topic that my family has talked about at great length in front of me is feeding, but I just ignore it and do my own thing.

juliabell 06-24-2011 07:25 PM

Re: NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
I LOVE your rant, mama. My in-laws don't understand why I'm so upset about having to supplement with formula. They certainly don't understand SNS supplementing. They think I'm crazy for eating dinner with baby in Ergo. And they all say things like "letting the kid sleep in your bed will start something you won't be able to stop." (Really, I don't think my son will want to co-sleep when he's 15...just a hunch.)

And I am SO with you on not finding ANY of it an inconvenience! I love it! There are days I miss having a drink with the girls, but not really. I just have a glass of wine while walking around the yard with my little one gazing up at me from his snuggly carrier.

GL on vacation and ignore the comments! It's YOUR family!

VeganCupcake 06-24-2011 08:37 PM

Re: NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
I hear you--we are really very different from almost all our family and friends, and it's hard not to let the comments get to me sometimes, especially when they come from my mom, for instance.

What I have found really interesting is that my DH has given my DS a couple of bottles of pumped milk, just as an experiment, and he is really ho-hum about it. It wasn't this amazing, beautiful bonding experience for the two of them. I dunno--my DH seems to have a much more bonding experience over bathtime, or diaper and clothing changes when baby is cooing and smiling. My DD never took a bottle at all, so maybe my DH just hasn't been conditioned to think it's so fabulous. But he and my toddler are very well bonded and he never gave her a bottle. I guess I just don't get the fuss over how great it must be to give a baby a bottle. :headscratch:

Greenebean214 06-24-2011 08:39 PM

I've gotten the same comments, and it is hard. My own Mom doesn't understand, asking when DD will STTN and be given a bottle. I hope your IL's surprise you and don't say anything, or if they do you can drop the subject quickly. Enjoy your vacation!

Ehlane 06-24-2011 08:40 PM

Re: NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
:hugs:

Just keep focused on your happy little baby and try not to let them get to you. :) I've gotten comments from my grandmother about when I'm going to quit breastfeeding (DS is 13 months) and I just say, whenever he's ready. Then I point out how happy and healthy he is and she usually shuts up. Sometimes when I'm feeling snarky and someone asks me when I'm going to wean, I say, "Probably when he goes to college". :giggle:

He's YOUR baby and as long as he's happy and healthy, you're doing something right! Hope everything goes better than expected and that you have a great vacation!

rachelanne820 06-24-2011 09:20 PM

Re: NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
Holy cow - I could have written everything you just said. Except the baby wearing part - I am still waiting on my carrier to get here. But when it does, I plan on having DD with me every minute.

My inlaws are the WORST!!! Just this week my MIL insisted on coming over to "give us a break". I DONT WANT A BREAK!!! I like my baby. I like holding her. I like feeding her. I like chaning her. She is MY baby and I ENJOY caring for her. Sorry if raising your kids was so bad but I enjoy being a mother and would LOVE if everyone else would butt out and just let me be!!!

UGH! Sorry - I just had a little rant of my own.

My MIL also tell me to put Desitin on DD just about every time she sees her. Grr...

A&M'smommy 06-24-2011 10:13 PM

Thankfully my fam just knows that I don't really give a **** what they think... So they generally just mind their own business when it comes to my parenting...

But I was a little bewildered by my SIL the other day when she told me that my baby was going to be spoiled because I hold her to much. She said it a little more tactfully I can't remember her exact wording but this is coming from a mama that is always bringing up how she bf all 4 of her kids till age 2. She thought her kids are less spoiled because she carried them around in a car seat.... If she only knew about BW then she would have had it so much easier... But she hasn't seen my BW yet....

Jaci 06-24-2011 10:34 PM

Re: NObody gets it! GGRRR
 
Good luck mama! Hopefully you have a nice wrap that you can use to keep that baby close!

aumismommy 06-24-2011 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolineb
Okay, this is just a rant/vent. Not really sure where to post this since it covers several areas, but it all seems to go back to BF. Anyway, NONE of my family gets my philosophies on natural childbirth, babywearing, breastfeeding, etc. DH sort of gets it, but he still keeps asking about bottles as he seems to think that's the ONLY way he can bond with DS. We're about to go on vacation with family and I know I'm just going to hear all the "comments" that will just grate on my nerves.

Things like "a bottle won't hurt him", or "you don't need to hold that baby all the time, put him down or he'll get spoiled", or I'd just put him to bed and let him cry, it won't hurt him" Ugh...YES it will! A baby that age (3 months) has a biological need to be near his mother and when he cries, it's because he has a need that must be met. It WILL hurt him if he doesn't get his needs met. And no, a bottle won't hurt HIM (especially if it's pumped milk), but it will hurt my supply, even if I pump. I went down that road with my first 2 and I don't want to do it again. He's had a couple of bottles, but everyone complains that they can't feed him, but it's ME that has to deal with the PITA of pumping. But then they say, why can't you just use formula? And this is no bashing on formula, my first 2 were FF after 4 months...but I just don't WANT to use formula. I've read more and learned more about it changing their gut and everything else and if I can make the best/right stuff for free, then why buy it? I am thankful and blessed that I have not had supply issues so I just see no reason in using formula. I'm a SAHM, so there's really no need to pump.

We also homeschool and that's a whole 'nother topic but I guess to them they think that I am some hippie that has gone off the deep end or something.

I know they all want cuddle time and it's not that I am purposely withholding it from them, but a baby that young needs to be near his mama. And honestly, I want him near me, too. Everyone says it will give me a chance to take a break. They don't get that I don't WANT a break. It's okay! I am fully aware of the commitment and level of attachment involved with EBF and babywearing. I WANT it that way! But then, they always say, "he is the happiest baby! Rarely hear him cry (except when mom isn't around...DUH!!!) Sure, I get tired and maybe someone else holding him for a bit would be great. I do appreciate a longer shower, or to eat w/o him strapped to me, but I don't expect a long date night or anything. I'd be too worried about the baby, but they just don't get it. It's not that I don't trust them to take good care of him, I just don't want him missing his mama.

Thankfully, my SIL who EBF her kids past a year understands and has my back! DH still thinks that EBF until 3 months is important but after that it's all the same...ugh...oh, and daddy doesn't do diaper changes b/c I am doing cloth and didn't really ask him or his opinion. He's not on that train so he would rather not mess with it. I actually have an easy CD system. I just need to show him. He could at least do pee diapers. Even poopy ones he could change and then leave for me to deal with.

Oh well..thanks for letting me vent. I'll give an update on any/all comments I get while we are on vacation! HA!

Cheers! Same going on here! Dh does diaper changes but everything else was right on our path!

I love your "some hippie who's gone off the deep end"

I get - you mean you're not going to wean him, let him CIO, vax, circ and why would you cosleep, babywear, erf, cd..... Because I'm the mom! That's why ;)


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