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-   -   First loss (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1254758)

andyoly82 08-01-2011 02:08 PM

First loss
 
I just feel like it is my fault some how. Today was my first Drs apt. I hate meeting new Drs but was feeling at ease because DH would be with me this time around but the whole day started off wrong. The dr took to long so my DH (who works at the hospital) had to go back to his floor for lab work that was due so I was alone. Then the dr was so rushed and she felt cold. We couldn't find the heartbeat on the Doppler so they took me to ultrasound. They tried abdominally but ended up going transvagionally and found the baby measuring 6 weeks and 2 days with no cardiac activity. My heart just broke. They want me to come back in next Monday to recheck but I know it's not possible I'm wrong on my dates. Hubby was gone for a month and I tested positive in the middle. The only way for the dates to be that off is if I conceived when he got home but that doesn't make sense.

I'm terrified of what this next week holds for me as this is new territory for me. I'm scared that I'm going to hemorrhage and they gave me my options and I dont know what's best for healing.

I'm so overwhelmed and broken I know that I should be so thankful for my amazing and healthy 18 month old but I feel so lost and hurt. I'm ready for this journey to end peacefully at home. I'm ready to stop shaking and sobbing but I just can't.

I'm so scared.

Ten 08-01-2011 03:06 PM

Re: First loss
 
:bighug:

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through and are still going through.

It's not your fault, and there's no way you SHOULD feel. You feel how you feel, and it changes with the day or the hour.

From my own experiences (DD left us after 32 weeks in my womb; I had a few losses prior to 6w after that), you'll have good days and bad days, emotionally. Grieving doesn't go in a straight line. On the physical front, it can take a while with an early loss for your body to start bleeding on its own - when it does, it'll be like a very bad AF (both in pain and flow). I had a lot of clotting with mine. How or when to have medical intervention with the process depends largely on the woman's situation, both emotionally and physically. I never needed any assistance, so there are other women who can speak to that more accurately than I can - but try not to let the doctors scare you with literature and possibilities. Especially this one; it sounds like she had one with the bedside manner of a dead fish, which is horrible. I hope you can find someone with some compassion and humanity.

Wishing you peace and healing.

:bighug:

NCFlanagan 08-01-2011 06:10 PM

Re: First loss
 
:hugs:
Been there, more than once. So sorry, mama.

Take your time to make your choices. As long as your are feeling well and don't have a fever, you can take your time. Good luck.

Crankenstein'sMama0709 08-02-2011 05:14 PM

Re: First loss
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by NCFlanagan (Post 13476715)
:hugs:


Take your time to make your choices. As long as your are feeling well and don't have a fever, you can take your time. Good luck.

:yeahthat:

I just had a miscarriage just over a month ago. I went in for my 9 week check up & no hb. It took about a week but I miscarried on my own. I did have a scary experience where I bled a lot more then I thought I would. But I was also on blood thinners. I was nervous about taking the meds to induce the miscarriage or having a D&C. Just do what you feel is right & you'll be okay. :hugs: I don't wish this pain on anyone, I'm still struggling with my feelings about this.

andyoly82 08-02-2011 05:39 PM

I started sporting today so I know this is eminent. Which I am thankful for since bow I know this will happen naturally. What scares me is they say the baby passed over 5 weeks ago. I'm scared I won't know how much is too much. My hubby has to work the next couple of days so it will just be my son and I so I'm really freaking out....

rosenfried2 08-02-2011 06:02 PM

No Andy!!!!! I'm so sorry!!

lalakiwi7 08-02-2011 07:01 PM

Re: First loss
 
andrea, I am so very sorry for your loss. I just lossed our little bean last week as well... but I only knew I was pregnant for a few days and knew something wasn't right. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. Hugs momma and just give yourself lots of time to rest.

I work in a ER and see lots of losses sadly.... bleeding can range but it always looks like more than you feel is normal. If you are soaking more than one pad fully in an hour or start to feel dizzy or lightheaded or like you might pass out then you might need to be seen sooner. Grace grace girl. I am so sorry. Praying for you.

Crankenstein'sMama0709 08-02-2011 07:19 PM

Re: First loss
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by andyoly82 (Post 13483809)
I started sporting today so I know this is eminent. Which I am thankful for since bow I know this will happen naturally. What scares me is they say the baby passed over 5 weeks ago. I'm scared I won't know how much is too much. My hubby has to work the next couple of days so it will just be my son and I so I'm really freaking out....

you will know if it is too much. I soaked 5 pads within 20 mins, it started off slowly on the 4th then by the 7th, is when it was really bad. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

emeyer76 08-03-2011 09:37 AM

Re: First loss
 
:hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss mama. Wishing you lots of peace and healing.

Vegan Princess 08-03-2011 03:53 PM

Re: First loss
 
I am so sorry for your loss! I found out my baby had no heartbeat at my ultrasound just shy of 10 weeks. I too was terrified of what might come. I did opt to have a D&C bc DH works over an hour away and I care for our 2 yr old alone. No family in the area. I too was so scared I might have an emergency while he was away. The homebirth midwife I was going to work with did offer to come be with me and give me herbs if I was bleeding too much - do you have a midwife you can call? Also, I did start to miscarry on my own. It turns out that when they put me under and went to do the procedure, most of everything was already about to come out (I think it was out of my cervix already). I never had heavy bleeding! I did have bad cramps at 1 am before the the procedure but my doc had called in tylenol w/codeine and it literally took away every bit of pain once I took it (and didn't make me feel loopy). Enough so that by my procedure at 11 I had passed most of it and didn't even have anymore cramps. The whole situation really shocked me since I wasn't bleeding too heavily or having cramps anymore. So if I were in this position again, I think I would skip the D&C bc for me, the miscarriage didn't end up to be nearly what I feared it would be. However, there is no way of knowing beforehand how it will be.

Please know that whatever you choose, it will be the right decision for you! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You will be in my thoughts!

Cindy


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