Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com

Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/index.php)
-   Non Traditional Families (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=221)
-   -   Donor mommies? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1281548)

LaughingPeaMama 09-19-2011 09:15 PM

Donor mommies?
 
Anyone want to start a group of donor mommies? While dh and I have a traditional family we conceived with DI and I was wondering if anyone wanted to group up to talk about the unique challenges we have using donor sperm or eggs for that matter. All would be welcome.

carriek38 09-20-2011 11:53 AM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
Cryobank consumer here :giggle:. I don't know that I can say we've had any challenges related to that specifically, b/c it was always the reality of how we were going to form a family. It stinks that it costs so much $, & NY has really restrictive laws, so there are many cryobanks that cannot ship to NY b/c of the DOH restrictions. Those are my primary frustrations :).

LaughingPeaMama 09-20-2011 12:03 PM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
What restrictions do they have?? We used California Cryo for DD and Northwest andrology for this one. NW is WAY cheaper which is why we used them but funny of all funnies...It only took one try with this one so we have 5 donor vials left....and the baby factory is closed after January so we really have no idea what to do with them. The other funny (not really) is I have almost a full cycle of follistim left because my estrodial was really low and the Dr wanted me to keep stimming but the very next day all the follies caught up and we triggered instead.

purpledayz 09-20-2011 12:23 PM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LaughingPeaMama (Post 13787605)
What restrictions do they have?? We used California Cryo for DD and Northwest andrology for this one. NW is WAY cheaper which is why we used them but funny of all funnies...It only took one try with this one so we have 5 donor vials left....and the baby factory is closed after January so we really have no idea what to do with them. The other funny (not really) is I have almost a full cycle of follistim left because my estrodial was really low and the Dr wanted me to keep stimming but the very next day all the follies caught up and we triggered instead.

You can see if the Dr office will take the unused medications. Mine was thrilled when I gave them all of my left overs.

carriek38 09-20-2011 01:04 PM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
I don't remember the particulars; the NYS DOH has really stringent guidelines about screening, storage, etc. The major cryos are licensed to ship to NY (Fairfax, Xytex, California), but not all of them are. I'm forgetting now, but I know we had talked about it being less expensive to purchase ICI units, have them delivered to family out of state, drive to get it, then have it washed & spun locally for a few banks that didn't ship to NY.

Anyway, I didn't really think about the med stuff; I know that DP did have some meds left over from her stuff, but I honestly didn't pay too much attention to that :blush:.

LaughingPeaMama 09-20-2011 03:15 PM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
Know anyone who would want vials of a med
Blonde hazel eyed donor that looks like my husband lol? I guess it is good that they have strict rules because the thought of a back alley type operation...eeew. But it is so hard dealing with a non traditional pregnancy that almost everything seems like an invasion of your privacy. I hated having to get our application notarized because the ups store is the only one close that does it and of course they wanted to know what kind of documents they were notarizing. I was super embarrassed even though I shouldn't have been ya know?

MelissaNKris 09-20-2011 09:56 PM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
We conceived with donor sperm also. We chose a cross between a known/anonymous (if that makes the least bit of sense!) donor. Truly all we know about our donor (besides taking him to be tested for everything under the sun and seeing good results ourselves) is his first name. We met him on freespermdonorregistry.com and then in person. He of course gave us a basic run down of his history/family/schooling/background but our judgement was most important. He's a good person and that's what mattered for us.

LaughingPeaMama 09-21-2011 06:58 AM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
We went with an anonymous donor for both...when we wanted to try for this one, we had used all of our vials from donor 1 and he had been retired from the program. It was a bummer but in reality we realized it doesn't really matter. DNA is not what makes a family. Has anyone thought about how and when to discuss the donor with your child/children? I guess with two mommies it might be a little easier because well most times the dad is not a visible part of their lives. With ours though they have a dad, but they have a donor also. And while I'm greatful to the donors for their gifts, I'm greatful at the level I was when I was in the hospital and needed 4 units of blood. It was more a "wow" these people made it possible for me to be alive another day....the donors made it possible for us to be parents. I really don't feel that there is any other connection there and since the donors were completely anonymous (we have basic info) I feel that that is the way they wanted it also.

carriek38 09-21-2011 10:55 AM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
We tried ID consent for the first few IUIs, then went w/ an unknown donor. It'll be interesting when DD is older; we have connected w/ a few other donor sib families. All are same-sex couples; there is a hetero couple, but b/c they haven't told anyone they used donor sperm & don't know if they'll disclose to the child, they have chosen to not be part of the hippie love fest. I don't know how much contact we'll maintain w/ the donor sib families, but at least a couple we'll see regularly (I figure at least once a year); I think dealing w/ how to explain "brother from another mother" almost makes it easier to address the DI issue, KWIM?

Now, there were no more units & the donor was not anticipated to donate any more, so all the families who wanted another w/ the same donor were out of luck; now he's donated again, but we've found a regional cryobank that is a Xytex affiliate & significantly less expensive for regional donors than the original units...so now we're having the "well, how big of a deal is it that the share the same donor?" convo; especially since one of the regional donors is the same heritage profile & roughly the same height/weight.

You could check the donor sibling registry to see if anyone who has used that donor is ISO more units for subsequent babies...and I think of the donor vs daddy thing for hetero couples much like if "dad" isn't in the picture, but stepdad has always been the parent. "Dad" is part of the biology, but the parent is the one you trust, can depend on, who you feel secure & safe with, etc.; it doesn't have to be bad ;)

carriek38 09-26-2011 08:43 AM

Re: Donor mommies?
 
Squee!!!! Looks like E's going to have another donor sib...the family that we have the most in common with just confirmed :goodvibes:...hoping the best for them & for our ever-expanding family :giggle:!


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:14 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vB.Sponsors