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quicksilverNHS 10-14-2011 01:11 PM

October 11, 2011:
I know I haven't been on here much since July since I've been in the process of moving and gearing up for my husband's deployment, etc. But I wanted to update you on my pregnancy and my February baby.

On October 11, 2011 at 1:05pm---at 23 weeks and 2 days gestation---I gave birth to a 1lb 6oz baby boy measuring 11.5 inches in length and named Deagan Kieran B------.

He was absolutely beautiful and lived for a full 40 minutes on his own in his mother's arms before passing on and I will be eternally grateful for those 40 minutes that he spent with us. During that time he touched us all. His mommy, his daddy, and his brother all held and kissed him and loved him and told him how much we loved him and wished he could be with us forever. His heart slowly stopped beating and he passed away in Daddy's arms 40 minutes after his birth.

I had absolutely no symptoms or concerns until I went to the bathroom late Sunday night and found blood. Lots of it. I immediately went to L&D and was told that I was 6cm and had bulging waters. There was no stopping it. We were able to delay his birth by 36 hours by inclining me with my butt in the air and my head near the floor, but in the end it wasn't enough. He was perfectly healthy, but my body couldn't carry him.

So, now my little boy joins his two older siblings in Heaven. And my big boy is learning to deal with not having a brother he was SO looking forward to. he's adopted a baby doll as his brother and carries it everywhere brothering it to pieces. And its so beautiful to see how amazing he'd have been as a brother and I can't bring myself to discourage it... so, we take the baby everywhere we go and sleep with it and feed it and take it in the car and my son gets to hold his brother all the time and only sometimes lets mama hold him. It breaks my heart to see how attached he is, but I know this is his way of coping and its too beautiful to even look away for a second.

So, I say goodbye to you all and wish you all well in your pregnancies and beyond. *hugs*


stef.maska 10-14-2011 01:19 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
OMG, I'm so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you. Peace be to Deagans memory.

2much2luv 10-14-2011 01:22 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
Oh, sweetie. I have been wondering about you lately. I am so so sorry to hear this update. Sending lots of love to you and your family.

EmmaLaurel 10-14-2011 01:28 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
Oh my... I am so, so sorry for your loss. I don't even know what to say. You and your family are so much in my thoughts...

logansmom15 10-14-2011 02:03 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
Oh mama :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking about you and your family.

trying4more 10-14-2011 02:04 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:

I'm SO sorry. I don't know what to say or do! My prayers are with you for a speedy recovery!
I pray for your sweet boy too. May his journey home be a good one!

goatgeek 10-14-2011 02:12 PM

I dont think I could ever find the words to express how sorry I am for your loss..please know your in my thoughts & prayers,much love to you and yours..

CharlottesMom09 10-14-2011 02:13 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you and your family have all the support that you need to mourn and remember your sweet boy.

BldrArch 10-14-2011 02:14 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
I'm in tears. My heart aches so much for you. I am so sorry to read this and send condolences to you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

quicksilverNHS 10-14-2011 02:21 PM

Re: October 11, 2011:
Thanks everyone. I just wanted to make sure you were all updated because I know that many of you knew me before the February boards back when I was TTC and a few from even before that when I was pregnant with my last lost love in Jan-April 2011. And perhaps even from pregnancy with my son and my loss before him. I just didn't want to be that girl who disappeared and you always wondered.

He was beautiful, though:

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