Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com

Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/index.php)
-   Parenting Talk (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=12)
-   -   Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family... (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1310951)

RaZZberry 11-15-2011 11:53 AM

Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Disclaimer: This is just my personal and intimate experience with male circumcision. I have posted parts of it in different threads but I want to have it in one place. Male circumcision is a very emotive issue for me and it took a lot of courage for me to post this. Please, no flaming or harsh comments. My only hope is that others can learn from my experience. Please bare with me and read the entire post before commenting. Thank you.

Once we discovered we were going to be having our first baby boy, the topic of circumcision briefly came up. But, I don't have a penis so I was intimidated and left the decision up to my husband. I trusted that he would know best because he is a kind, loving man. I did a little research but it wasn't balanced research. I focused on the benefits of circumcision and passed over the possible complications and risks. I was too unsure of myself as a new mommy to question this.

When my baby boy was about three weeks old, we took him in to have him circumcised. I was so nervous and everything in my being was telling me to hold my baby tightly and bolt out that door. I asked the doctor why we should be doing this and he told us that our son would thank us when he was older. So, I handed him over and allowed the doctor to strap him down. I insisted on being there by his side because I felt that if it had to be done then at least I could be there to hold his little hand. It was the most horrific sight I have ever seen and it still haunts me to this day. I can tell you that circumcision was EXTREMELY painful for my new born baby boy. He had the painkiller and nerve block but still he cried so hard that he turned purple in the face. Pliers were used to pull his foreskin away from his glands. The clamp and a scalpel were used to cut away his foreskin and he did bleed. It was awful and I cried. For several days after, he screamed every time he peed. My heart would break, every single time. Cleaning is/was not easy, for us. For several weeks, I had to apply ointment to his red, sore penis after every diaper change to keep the urine and fecal matter from infecting his exposed glands and to keep it from chaffing. He cried every time I had to do this. Circumcision compromised our breastfeeding relationship and his sleep patterns were restless for weeks. He has had bleeding, penile adhesions, infections, rash on his glands... Three and a half years later, I still have to clean around his coronal ridge because lint and dried urine can get caught there. His glands are very sensitive and this makes him uncomfortable. Through al of this and doing research, I have learned that these complications are not uncommon. Having my first son circumcised is my deepest regret, for him.

Three years later, we discovered we were having another baby boy. I was so upset because I knew we would have to have the circumcision discussion, again. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself doing it a second time, knowing what I know now but my husband did not agree with this. We did hours and hours of research and had many intense discussions. In the end, my husband admitted that the only reason he wanted it done again was so our new son would match his daddy and his older brother. I thought he had known best the first time around but how could he...he has never been whole. During my second pregnancy I was seeing a midwife who is jewish. We had several conversation about circumcision and how my husband and I were struggling with it. She explained that she decided to do the Bris but not circumcise her son and that this was okay. This was instrumental in giving me strength to stand strong in my conviction to allow my son to remain whole. If my jewish midwife could keep her son whole then I, as a christian, could keep my son whole, too. This time, I fought like hell to keep my second son whole and I was willing to let my husband leave to protect my child. He could either accept that our next son would remain as God intended or he could walk out that door. Eventually, he accepted that our son was not going to be circumcised. Praise the Lord, my second son is healthy and whole! Caring for my intact son is very easy and he has had no issues. We just wipe off the outside, like a finger, and we're done. No retraction is necessary because his foreskin is fused to his glands. He's healthy and whole and that's all that needs to be done.

I used to think circumcision was our parental choice until I realized it was affecting me in a big way. My husband is circumcised and after years of marriage we are realizing that his lack of foreskin is causing me pain during sex. I always thought the pain was my fault and I tried EVERYTHING to make sex more comfortable but nothing significantly helped. Now, we are realizing that circumcision is to blame. I am SO angry over what circumcision has taken from our marriage! I am so upset that my husband and I cannot enjoy each other the way we are meant to! His parents made this decision for him but I do NOT feel it should have been their choice because now my husband and I have to live with the consequences of that decision for the rest of our married life. My husband is slowly beginning to realize that we made the right decision when we kept our second son whole and this intimate struggle has led us to foreskin restoration. On top of my pain, my husband has lost sensitivity over the years. He also has tight, bent erections that are painful for him because he does not have enough skin to grow into. Foreskin restoration would benefit both of us. Male circumcision affects women, too, and I worry about my first son and his future partners.

How will we explain to my boys why one was circumcised and one was not? We will explain that we did the best we could based upon what we knew. Then, we learned more so we did differently. We will tell them that we love them both very much. I hope that they will have to maturity to accept one another for their differences and love one another unconditionally. It would be the same as one having curly hair and the other having straight hair. They are both very much loved but a little different. Also, we will tell our first son about foreskin restoration when he is older so he can make the choice to take back what was taken from him, if he wants.

As you can tell this is a very emotive issue for me and I have deep personal and intimate reasons as to why I feel so strongly. Again, please understand, I am not judging anyone from their choices; I'm only trying to share my story. Remember, I have one circumcised son and one intact son and I love both of them fiercely. I can relate to both sides of the issue and have learned so much from this experience. With that said, if I could go back, I would definitely leave our first son whole because it is his penis and, therefore, I do believe it should have been his choice. My first son's sacrifice saved my second son. When we know better, we do better...

I welcome any questions that are polite and respectful. If your story is similar, please feel free to share your experience with circumcision, too. I do not want this to turn into a debate so if you do not have any positive input please move along. Thank you.

Kriket 11-15-2011 11:55 AM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
welcome to DS thanks for sharing!

RaZZberry 11-15-2011 12:03 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kriket (Post 14131050)
welcome to DS thanks for sharing!

Thank you. :happyhug:

Nanner99 11-15-2011 12:07 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Hi, and I agree 110%. People just do not realize what complications can arise, both in childhood and adulthood.
Our 2 boys are intact- so glad my dh came around and left them as is.

RaZZberry 11-15-2011 12:15 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nanner99 (Post 14131134)
Hi, and I agree 110%. People just do not realize what complications can arise, both in childhood and adulthood.
Our 2 boys are intact- so glad my dh came around and left them as is.

I am so happy to hear that! :thumbsup:

savvytrav 11-15-2011 12:18 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Thank you for sharing your story! It is people like you, who willingly share their own experiences, good + bad, that led me into doing enough research whiile pregnant to realize my son had a right to his own foreskin! :goodvibes:

RaZZberry 11-15-2011 12:27 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by savvytrav (Post 14131206)
Thank you for sharing your story! It is people like you, who willingly share their own experiences, good + bad, that led me into doing enough research whiile pregnant to realize my son had a right to his own foreskin! :goodvibes:

That's so wonderful. It's so nice to hear postive feedback. :thumbsup:

Fashionably Green Baby 11-15-2011 12:34 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
We also circumcised or DS and I was not in the room (I feel terrible about this but I have a major blood phobia...It is a full blown phobia and I black out) but when they brought DS back I was horrified. It is my biggest regret so far in my mothering life. I told DH that I could never do it again. I hate the way intactivists go about getting their message out because I think it turns a lot of people off (their attitude turns me off and I agree with them). on the other hand DH is circumcised and it does not cause problems

Kriket 11-15-2011 12:46 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fashionably Green Baby (Post 14131343)
I hate the way intactivists go about getting their message out because I think it turns a lot of people off (their attitude turns me off and I agree with them).

ITA. I think when people first find out they are intactivists they are extra gung-ho. And it can be overwhelming. It is a very serious issue to many, but you are totally right, a little compassion and caring can go a long way :)

I find myself rolling my eyes at the car seat activist crowd for the same reasons :giggle: It's not that they are wrong, they are just intense!

RaZZberry 11-15-2011 12:51 PM

Re: Circumcision has profoundly affected every member of my family...
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fashionably Green Baby (Post 14131343)
I hate the way intactivists go about getting their message out because I think it turns a lot of people off (their attitude turns me off and I agree with them). on the other hand DH is circumcised and it does not cause problems

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kriket (Post 14131423)
ITA. I think when people first find out they are intactivists they are extra gung-ho. And it can be overwhelming. It is a very serious issue to many, but you are totally right, a little compassion and caring can go a long way :)

I find myself rolling my eyes at the car seat activist crowd for the same reasons :giggle: It's not that they are wrong, they are just intense!

I agree. I try not to be too intense but sometimes I just can't help it because it's such an emotionally charged issue for me. I'm really trying hard to take a step back and think about things before I post on this subject. I just felt very compelled to share me story.


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:18 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vB.Sponsors