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jbh099s 01-26-2012 11:35 AM

Good news I think...maybe? ***Update***
***2/1 Update***

So I got a text from expectant mom yesterday and we ended up talking for a little over an hour. I didn't get the "omg! this is really happening" feeling, but i also didn't get the scammer vibe or the "she's so not gonna place" vibe. so who knows? anyway just thought i would update. :)

So I don't post here much because I just haven't been feeling this adoption. I have been moody and don't want to bring others down with me. We have been waiting a lot longer than we did the first time and it just hasn't felt like it was going to happen. I pretty much was giving up on the whole second baby thing and starting to give away our baby stuff.

Then yesterday I got an email from our facilitator letting us know that we have been picked. By someone in our state! And the expectant father supposedly will sign off! (We had unknown father for our DD = some drama.) Now the not so thrilling news. She isn't due until late summer. That is a very long time. And I'm not sure if she has known about the pregnancy long enough to really mull it over. I'm sort of irritated that we were placed in contact so soon.

I was given the expectant mom's number, she wanted me to call last night. Then she didn't answer. It just rang. I called three times. (Yes I know that I shouldn't have called that much, but I couldn't help myself.) She ends up texting me that she will talk to me tomorrow. When I asked what would be a good time to call. I got no response. (I edited out some of the texting b/c I don't want to share some personal info. It was longer, nicer, and she had a reason.)

Should I drop it? Text her this afternoon? Or let my facilitator do it? What do you think?

PS: This is actually our third time doing this. One would think I would be better at this! :blush:

Beth. 01-26-2012 11:48 AM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?

Kimmyann 01-26-2012 12:10 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
Congratulations and I sincerly hope it works out for you. I know the wait is so hard.

jbh099s 01-26-2012 12:21 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?

Originally Posted by Beth. (Post 14530756)
Hmmm, late summer. Is she asking for living expenses?

I would be very hesitant to match this early. For you - mainly because it takes you 'out of the running' for other babies that could be born next week, next month, etc. For her - I think it's way too early for most moms to really *know* that adoption is what they really want. A lot can change in 6 -7 months ... new job, new boyfriend, parent attitude changes about supporting her as a single mom, etc.

Congrats on the possible match though! It's exciting. No advice on what to do next. I think I would just leave it up to her at this point.


I don't know about living expenses, if so then she will probably need to pick another family. That is just too long for us, financially. She and her kids live with her mom now though.

We won't be pulled out of the running until we get a lawyer and do the paperwork-- so much closer. But that would be totally weird if we did talk to her for like five months and then dumped her for someone else. I am more concerned about your second point (well said, by the way). Maybe because being "picked" twice at this point seems not very likely because I am a negative nelly. But you are so right-- life happens and so much changes in seven months. I sort of think she needs more time to think. Not that it's for me to say, but still.

Hmmm...yep, I don't know what to do. But at least I am not in the unending doldrums of the wait which is nice!

Beth. 01-26-2012 12:32 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?

WynneBabies 01-26-2012 01:14 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
I really hope it works out and it very well may, but I agree in wishing they wouldn't match until at least the second half of the pregnancy. Miscarriages are still common at that point and a lot can change. Fingers crossed this is it for you though!

FindingMercy 01-26-2012 01:40 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
What a tough spot to be in! I know our agency won't even let birth parents look at profiles until they are at least 6-7 months along because as a pp said, so much can change. They make them decide that the for sure want to place, live with that decision for a while, and then look at profiles. But, still, how do you not get excited at the possibility of a new little one this summer! :)

pcjs 01-26-2012 02:04 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
Here is where you need to come when you feel down about it so we can cheer you on and try to help you keep going. I for one did it for many years before we got our son, so been there and done that. We gave up in our hearts a few times and when we finally decided not to renew our homstudy (year 5-6) was when we finally got our son a little while after that decision. So, it can happen later on so don't give up just yet.

I second fully what Beth said. Those would be my concerns.

I wouldn't keep calling. It sucks but she has your information and just let the facilitator know you tried.

jbh099s 01-26-2012 02:41 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
Well I did basically just that. I let facilitator know and she said she would see what was going on. So I guess we'll see.

I know I should come here, but instead I have just been avoiding adoption boards. My weird way of dealing. :)

Badonkadonk Knits 01-26-2012 05:04 PM

Re: Good news I think...maybe?
I think what you ended up doing was the best choice. The facilitator is a facilitator for a reason, and in my opinion it is her job to help smooth the way and keep the communication rolling. For it to stall so soon could be a sign of many things, and perhaps the facilitator is the best one to be talking to the expectant mom about it. I agree it is pretty early for a match to be made but I realize every agency does things differently. Hope it works out and keep us updated!

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