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ambie719 02-03-2012 12:02 PM

How long will you wait?
Since there are an awful lot of rainbows in this DDC, I thought I'd pose the question...

How long will you wait to tell people/announce the news? Family, friends, anyone, everyone, work, etc.

abhernandez 02-03-2012 12:23 PM

My mama already knows. Mil 8 weeks. Everyone else 14 weeks at the earliest. I like the secret :)

ambie719 02-03-2012 12:48 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
DH is the only one that knows so far. With our last m/c since it was 7 weeks we hadn't told anyone yet, and we still haven't. Since this will (hopefully) be our last pregnancy, I'd like to keep it between us for as long as possible. If I can keep it hidden (not sure how well that will work since its #3) we are going to wait until Easter to tell our families, so that would be right around 15 weeks, which is the longest we've ever waited to tell the fam. I will not be making a facebook announcement until the gender scan though, so around 20 weeks before its out there for all the world.

But of course there are lots, and lots of ladies from the internet that know I'm pg lol! More people who I've never met knew I was pg before poor old DH did. :giggle:

sheenashine 02-03-2012 12:53 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
Just about everyone knows already. Having lost a baby in the second tri, I really don't think I have a "safe zone" anymore. Plus, everyone knows we are TTC and watches me like a hawk- a celebration breaks out every time I decline a glass of wine. Lol! I also get really sick around the 6w mark- so secrets are pretty useless. :p

I was really conservative about who I told with my last MC, and honestly it was hellish going through it alone. Pretending to be happy really sucks. Still, I think I'll wait to tell FB until I hear a HB :)

ambie719 02-03-2012 01:01 PM

Re: How long will you wait?

Originally Posted by sheenashine (Post 14580584)
I was really conservative about who I told with my last MC, and honestly it was hellish going through it alone. Pretending to be happy really sucks. Still, I think I'll wait to tell FB until I hear a HB :)

See, I thought going through it alone would suck, but I actually liked the peace of it. There were no cliched words of "comfort" that would have just made me angry or feel worse. I got to process it on my own time and in my own way, no one constantly watching me, or checking up on me, or giving me pitying looks. My first one was at 13.5 weeks, so we had to untell everyone because we thought we were safe, now we usually wait until we hear a hb on the doppler. I just want to keep it secret longer because its our last and I feel like being greedy and not sharing my baby with anyone else just yet. :)

sheenashine 02-03-2012 01:18 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
Everyone grieves differently. I can totally see where your coming from, it's just really hard for me to hide my feelings.
I did get quite a few "everything happens for a reason" comments ... They always make me want to punch someone in the face. :p But the hugs and ability to say I need to be left alone for a few days was way worth it, IMO.

zacifer 02-03-2012 01:52 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
With our first lost babe, we told all the family right away. Then we had to untell them all. That wasn't horrible though. I AM glad we didn't tell FB though. Too public. With our 2nd loss, we didn't tell ANYONE that I was preg. It was awful to have to call my mom and say "I'm pregnant again and I'm losing it. Can you watch the kids so I can get an ultrasound tomorrow?" I didn't like that. With that loss, it felt weird telling people that we'd lost a baby, having never told them it existed. SO....THIS time, we plan to tell only 5 people IRL. My mom, one of my sisters (not other sis is a piece of work), and my 3 BFFs. My DH didn't want to tell anyone, but I asked if those 5 would be ok. And I honestly only want to tell them b/c I want them to pray that this time, the baby will stick around. I know these 5 people will pray HARD for this child. There are other very loved people in my life, who would love to know. But honestly, I know they won't pray for this child's life, so at this point, I'll wait to tell them. My only reason for telling is to beg for prayers. Not to sound horrible, but after 2 losses, it doesn't feel like something I want to yell from the rooftops. Those 5 people will also be helpful if I need them to watch my 3 kiddos for appointments and such.....and just in case something bad happens.....which is important b/c my DH is currently working out of town 4 days a week. So I single mom it half the time and need back up every once in a while. Honestly, if this baby makes it, I don't know if I'll ever put it on FB. I kinda hate FB, even though I get on there regularly. I don't know.....there's just so many shallow people on there. Sometimes I wonder why I even have an account. Then I remind myself its good to keep in touch with my SIL in ALaska. Oh, I forgot to mention my DH's family. Yeah, we're not telling them. We'll tell the SIL in Alaska first, but probably after 8 weeks. The rest, it'll be a while. They were of NO support when we lost the first baby so we've never told them about the 2nd. Not that we were needy, but if my son's wife had just lost a baby, I'd at least call him. My MIL didn't call her son. ??? And his other sister told him that she assumed it "wasn't hard for us b/c miscarriages are so common." Um......ok. Everyone dies one day but no one says death is easy. I just didn't even understand her logic. ANyways, sorry this is so long. I'm still waiting for my DH to get out of surgery and have WAY too much time on my hands. :)

ambie719 02-03-2012 02:06 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
Its ok Jenny, vent away, it'll help keep your mind off DH. :) I get what you mean about telling people about the second loss as its happening would be weird, I think that why no one knows about ours, it just never seemed like an appropriate time to just blurt out "so I'm miscarrying a baby that I never told you I was pg with." Its definitely not something we intend to keep from our parents forever, we've decided that we will tell them about the m/c when we announce this pg to them, because I'm sure they will ask why we waited so long this time, and that will be logical introduction into the topic of our loss.

As for Facebook, I'm not on it much, I pretty much just use it to keep up with friends (all my closest friends moved away over the years so its how we keep in touch) and to post pics of the boys for distant family and close friends to see how they're doing. I'm waiting to announce it there because I want a girl. Anyone who knows me at all knows how badly I want a girl. And if I post before I know the gender I know I will be bombarded with questions..."Are you hoping for a girl?" "Are you going to find out what you're having?" "If its another boy are you just going to keep going until you get a girl?" "I bet you're going to have nothing but boys ;P" I just can't handle that kind of crap this time. So I'm waiting until we know what it is, and then I can announce, "Our family will be welcoming our final addition in Oct, the boys are excited to be getting a little brother/sister!" etc, with no room for stupid questions.

Ok, now my vent is over lol!

abhernandez 02-03-2012 02:41 PM

Announcing a pregnancy via fb so isn't my thing. If you not important enough to me and I to you for me to tell you in person or on the phone, you get to find out when I upload a photo of my newbie. I use fb a lot to keep in touch as I live so far away and I have hidden albums for my nearest and dearest and ill put pregnancy stuff on those. You dont have to share everything with everyone

Sweetbabybows 02-03-2012 04:00 PM

Re: How long will you wait?
I told my parents and sisters the day I found out. We waited a couple of days to tell mil so DH and I could tell her together. I havn't posted on FB but I probably will soon. Mostly because I've had very bad ms my last two pregnancy's and last time it put me behind on my orders. So I want my customers to know that I'm not just putting off getting their items made for no good reason.

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