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jenni_michelle 03-14-2012 12:19 PM

Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
So in light of the all circumcision/non-circumcision talk I thought it'd be valuable to talk about positive and negative experiences on both ends. I'm not starting this as a 'let's not circ at all' or 'let's all circ' debate'. This is simply for mom's who'd like to share their stories/experiences with either circ'ing or not circ'ing.

Here is my experience and story...

With my both my first born and second born we circumcised. Both times I didn't want to, it was my husband who was adamant on having them circ'ed like 'him'. Both times I felt horrible... we both were in the room with our first born while he had it done and let me tell you it is the worst thing to watch as a new mother :cry: I think I actually cried harder and longer then my son did. Watching a needle being put into that area is awful. Seeing my newborn cry out in pain is awful, I felt so terrible and regretted it and still do.

You'd think with feeling that awful I'd have put my foot down the 2nd time around. But my husband is pretty stubborn and wouldn't have it any other way:banghead:. This time around my husband went in with our newborn and I sat in the doctor's room waiting. I cried the whole time waiting and could hear my baby cry out from the room two room's away :cry:. Believe it or not this time around I had done my research and had begged my husband to agree to not have it done. My efforts got no where with him.

I'm pregnant again with our 3rd and we won't find out the gender till birth. This time around my husband is finally seeing the light of my side. This one will not be circumcised if we have another boy. We realized it doesn't matter if the son's parts don't match the father. We now see that even at our current kids ages we get questions like 'why is dad so hairy'. We don't even miss a beat or stumble with these questions... so why would we stumble with our words and even cut off a part of our sons just to avoid the question 'why does dad's part look like that and not mine'? That is the question we should have asked ourselves the first time around, yet regrettably didn't.

I believe everyone has a right to make their own parenting decisions. But it's always in the best interest of your child(ren) to research your decisions. If you have even one shred of doubt, please examine that doubt and don't let one person have 'final' say. :goodvibes: It takes two people to have a baby and it should take those two agreeing whole-heartedly on big decisions involving the child. :2cents:

So let me hear your stories ladies (our stories don't have to match or agree with each other, each story is beneficial so let's hear them all)...

kushie tushie 03-14-2012 12:27 PM

OP- i'm sorry about your experience. It made me sad and honestly it made my stomach hurt.

My DS is two. Hes intact. He is super easy to take care of and it makes me happy knowing that he is as created. I research everything like crazy. I read and read and read. It took awhile to convince DH but once i did he became quite the intactivist as well. He is now restoring and writing an article about restoring for The Art of Manliness.

zandj 03-14-2012 12:27 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
I am from New Zealand and had never even heard of circumcision when we found out we were having a boy. All I knew was that DH was fine with it and I left the decision up to him. (actually, after doing research we found out that some issues DH has is b/c of his circ) Then I started researching it and honestly was horrified. The thought of doing that to my child kept me up at night. Finally I came to DH, almost in tears and told him I just couldn't do it, I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life and he agreed! Every day I am thankful that we did not circ DS. Initially it was more the pain aspect for a newborn that kept me from doing it but now I know the function, purpose and benefits of the foreskin and would never let it happen, if this next LO is a boy he will be whole just like his brother.

Now DS is 4, intact, happy and healthy and has never had a problem with his foreskin, not that I expected him to. My brothers growing up were just fine too. The other day he was playing with himself in the bath (he retracts now) and I told him that that was his foreskin. The next day in the shower he was (once again) messing with it and he said to me 'mama! I love my foreskin! it's so much fun to play with!' :giggle: proud mummy moment there LOL

ETA: My DH is now restoring too :goodvibes:

JustAugust 03-14-2012 12:35 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
:hugs: mama!

For me, all our family has been circumcised. We thought it was just what was done. I was a member of another parenting board and some mamas spoke out against circumcision and I always thought it was weird and gross and a "personal choice." :yuck: How little I knew. We kept my nephew and neice a lot and I noticed that when he was in the tub, if he got an erection, it was extremely painful for him. He had too much skin removed with his circumcision. Another nephew had issues where his was just too sensitive, it hurt all the time when it rubbed against his diaper and underwear. When I got pregnant I just decided that there was no way I could do that to my baby. I did everything I could to keep him safe on the inside, and I'm suppose to give birth to him and immediately hand him over to a doctor so he can cut off part of his body? And for no true medical reason either, just because I think it looks better, or someone says it's cleaner, or so he can look like my hubby? How utterly ridiculous. I told DH I couldn't do it. He wasn't happy. Our compromise was that since circumcision often has bad effects on breastfeeding, we would wait a year and then reconsider circumcision. I would have stuck to my word (to "reconsider") but I knew there was no way DH would push it at that point. It was moot anyways. Our son was born and we both had no desire to put him in any unneeded pain. They asked us if we wanted him circumcised and we both said no. He is just about to be 6 years old and has had no issues at all. He did ask why his friend's penis looked the way it did and we told him the truth. He told us he was glad we didn't do that to him. He actually told us "Yeah, cause God made me and I don't think he'd like you to do that." :giggle: Smart boy!

When my son was about 2, my brother was 12. We got a call that he had been rushed into emergency surgery bc his penis turned blue and if they didn't do something quick he could lose it!! It was very scary for all of us. Ethan came out of surgery okay, thank God! But we found out that when he was circumcised (as an infant), there was a band that formed around the head of his penis, and know one knew. There were never any issues at all with his circumcision/penis for 12 years! But literally all of a sudden I guess the band constricted (penis growing bc of puberty?) and had he not told my mom, he would have lost it. So just because people have kids that do fine, it doesn't mean everything will always be fine. Thankfully Ethan is okay now (well, as far as I know), but it could have ended very differently.

For us, we would never let anyone touch our daughter. I don't see why our son should have any less right to his body just because something is deemed socially acceptable. I know many wonderful loving parents who circumcise. I don't believe circumcision = bad parent. But it IS a bad choice. Sometimes it is a medical necessity, I know that. But when it's not. When it is done to look like dad, or because it's "cleaner" :banghead: or because you just prefer it... that's wrong. Any human should have the right to choose what happens to their body. We make medically necessary choices for our kids, we shouldn't be allowed to make cosmetic choices for them. :goodvibes:

MelDM 03-14-2012 12:42 PM

We had our DS circ'd. I went in with him and he started crying during the local anesthetic injections, but a bottle calmed that quickly! Didn't cry at all after that. He's 1 now and we haven't had any problems at all with it. Hopefully it stays that way. I'm not sure I'd circ any future boys, but that point is moot since I had a tubal.....

jenni_michelle 03-14-2012 12:48 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
Thanks for the understanding mama's. I'm not proud of my story, and I've never really shared it out of fear of being told I'm a horrible person... but I'm sharing in hopes that someone can gain something from it.

gingerpeachee 03-14-2012 12:51 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
I have one circ'd and one intact. Don't worry I bet they'll still think with it when they are 16 regardless!

Leah52 03-14-2012 12:56 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
My first son was our 3rd baby and I had never even thought about circumcision until my midwife asked what we were going to do since we were planning a home birth. She gave us a book to read that was from an anti-circ viewpoint and my husband read it and said no way, we're not having it done. I argued with him because cut was normal to me. My husband was, my brothers were (not that I saw them that much) and I remembered my mom always making negative comments about my intact cousin when he was a baby. Well my mom came to stay with us before the baby was born and she encouraged me to have it done so my baby wouldn't have an ugly penis. My husband still said no and I realized that I needed to get over it.

Then my baby was born and I didn't really think about it anymore. His penis looked fine to me, it was just a part of him and I never wished we had it cut. Over the next few years I read more about the anti-circ movement and I became very glad that I had let my husband make the choice and that my son was intact in spite of me originally wanting it otherwise. We had another son last year and his foreskin was never mentioned. Neither of them have had any problems, I don't even think about it unless someone else brings it up.

I am an intactivist, I believe that all children have a right to a whole body. If my sons want to be circumcised as adults that is their business and it wont bother me at all. But at least they will have that choice, you can't so easily undo what has been done.

Elijah'sMama 03-14-2012 01:10 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
my DS is regretfully circ'ed.
i unfortunately for him did not know the value of research before he was born. there were many many things i decided on without enough research and knowledge, circumcision is the one i regret the most.

I honestly thought ALL men were circ'ed, the only two i had ever seen were anyways. And i thought it was a simple procedure that took a VERY SMALL piece of skin. All the research i did was read in What to Expect.. about it. Which has very poor, outdated, ridiculous information about circumcision.
Also, my midwife did it, neither my husband or i were allowed to be there with our son. He didn't sleep or nurse for 12 hours afterwards.

It wasnt until months later that my own mother told me that EVERY male on my side of the family is INTACT, including my own brother. I wish so so much she would have talked to me about this at some point in my life.
DS is mostly okay now, he did have adhesions around 6-9 months, they had to be forcibly seperated at the ped office. :cry: I hope that is the only complication he ever has from my stupid, uninformed decision.

Needless to say any future little boys will absolutely NOT be cut.

bigmamakelsey 03-14-2012 01:13 PM

Re: Your experiences with circumcision or non-circ (keep civil please)
:hugs: So sorry mama.

We left DS intact, and I'm glad we did. He's had no problems. We see no reason to circ our new guy due in June. If they decide they want to have it done later I see no problem, I personally just didn't feel it was my choice to make.

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