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-   -   Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :) (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1369879)

nothingtosee 03-20-2012 07:49 PM

Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
Hello! We are definitely not a traditional family, or so I've been told. Ds's dad and I have been split since before he was born, dh of 2 years I had to leave, and there are no grandparents on my side, just a very meddling gma on his paternal side. So, I am currently living just me and ds, which is WONDERFUL, just let me say. Okay, now to the issue at hand-

Ds's dad is not interested in him.....seemingly at all, for anything more than picking him up at scheduled times. He refuses any extra time offered, will not transport him to sports events (he wanted to join soccer this year, but since it was a huge fight we put it off till next summer.) and told me recently that he blames us both for "ruining" his life. That said, if I say anything about him just giving up the parental rights, he throws a hissy fit.
Ds is very attached to a good friend of mine, who was a roommate after his dad and I split. This friend treats him like his own (has no children) and jumps at the chance to spend quality time with him. The issue? I need somebody to be the other "parent" while I'm working. Specifically, he needs someone there when he graduates preschool, and tours his new private school(we both HS and private school) with him. Would it be too weird to have my friend do this? There is no relationship between us, and I do plan on moving on after I am fully divorced, and I'm wondering if it is an acceptable thing to have him help me so much now. He is very willing, and has already volunteered his time for ds.
I just feel so strange...and his dad's family doesn't help that at all.

I'm so sorry! I know I'm posting a lot lately and being very irritating, I'm just lost on so many things.

lilsoldiersmommy 03-20-2012 10:43 PM

I don't see why it wouldn't be okay if he helped. He is willing and able, I say let him! A kid can never have too much love and support :) I would do it in a heartbeat! My family helps me out so much and my best friend would if I asked her.

nothingtosee 03-21-2012 03:25 PM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
Thanks, I've probably just been around people who scorn you and gossip if you're not traditional too long, lol. I do get gossiped about horribly about this situation, both from friend's family and ds's paternal family. You're right though...he has someone else that loves him.
I'm going to remember that! :)

Mac & Cheeses mom 03-21-2012 03:35 PM

I would say do it. I come from a broken non traditional family... I call my mom a gypsy. I never lived in the same house sometimes town for more than 2 years at a time. I am also a ex-navy wife (he got out).

I say remeber it takes a village to raise a child.

I remeber relying on a woman I barley knew to help me when I had to be at work at 5am. We met through our daughters preschool. This worked out because she needed someone to help out after school. I then got a promotion and I had to be to work at 3am.

This woman who I barley knew has become my best friend. We both were navy moms trying to raise young kids and work to help out financialy. I say you do what you need to to make your situation work.

Good luck I hope this story helps ease some of your worries about it.

boobmommi 03-22-2012 05:16 PM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
I think that it is GREAT that you have someone there who can fill the void. I have a guy friend that helped me when my son was little and it made all the difference. I felt like it made me a better parent to have someone there who actually cared and had a positive presence in my son's life. He looks up to him to this day and call him "Uncle". With me being an only child it's a relationship that I am so glad that my son was able and is able to have :)

nothingtosee 03-22-2012 07:36 PM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by boobmommi (Post 14842632)
I think that it is GREAT that you have someone there who can fill the void. I have a guy friend that helped me when my son was little and it made all the difference. I felt like it made me a better parent to have someone there who actually cared and had a positive presence in my son's life. He looks up to him to this day and call him "Uncle". With me being an only child it's a relationship that I am so glad that my son was able and is able to have :)

That is very cool.

He doesn't care what his family says or thinks about him for being close to ds, which is wonderful because I really needed a sitter today and he was thrilled with the opportunity. Yay! :) He has also said that he will take off work on the days that ds has orientation and things for school.

amberartall 06-05-2012 09:24 PM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
Screw the gossip! Don't worry about what they think, just care about your LO having what he needs! Loving people around him giving support and spending time! Despite the other things going on, you are VERY lucky to have a guy like that around!

pine_apple_goat 06-10-2012 09:26 AM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
I agree with everyone. Go ahead and let him do it. It's always nice to have that help and support. Specially when you need it, since his father doesn't want to do it.

TalkinBoutMyGirl 06-10-2012 09:52 PM

All I have to say is do what works for you and your family. :)

mommyto3beautifulbabes 06-12-2012 01:59 PM

Re: Ooh, a place where I might be able to get advice! :)
 
You're very lucky to have a friend like this and I think that you should take him up on his offer as long as he is not expecting a relationship after your divorce is finalized. :)


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