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JaylasMommy 05-23-2012 04:05 PM

I'm furious.
First, I need cooled down. I know that tomorrow is going to be very ugly if I don't. Second, I need to know if I am handling things right.

Here's the situation. When my daughter, J, got off the bus, she ran up to me and said "Mommy, did my teacher call you? Because I accidentally kicked someone and she said I called her 'stinky.'" I addressed the situation by explaining to J that she can NOT kick people and call people names. She got home, wrote an apology letter and wrote "I will not kick people" and "I will not call people names" five times each. That was her punishment. She understands why she was wrong, or at least she claims she does.
My dad picked J up from the bus yesterday and apparently she got off the bus crying. It seems this is more than just a one-time-my-daughter-is-being-mean thing. J isn't the type of child to be malicious just because, you know? So, I asked WHY this is happening. Apparently, the little girl, E, is being just as mean and nasty to her. J is very easily hurt by others who tend to think they are 'better' or 'prettier' than her, when they exclude her from things, and tell her they aren't her friend. These girls are 5, so I am sure I am missing the WHOLE story. [Quite frankly, as her mom, I can't imagine she kicked the little girl to just be mean. That's NOT her nature. SOMETHING pushed her to do that.]
THEN J tells me that E's mother got on the bus this morning YELLING at her. Ok. WHAT?!? NO ONE IS YELLING AT MY CHILD. Not even I do things like that. I am furious about THIS more than anything.

Tomorrow, I won't be letting J ride the bus to school. I'm taking her, and speaking to her principal and telling him about what E's mother did. I will be asking to have a meeting to have him explain to her that she can't climb aboard the bus yelling at another student, no matter what she did to her child. She should have called the school. Second, I want to know the other side of the story, and would appreciate if the principal arranged a meeting for me and E's mother to sit with both girls to find out what is going on.
I think this is fairly reasonable.

On the other hand, I want to go punch this lady in the face for doing that to my child. :yuck: But, I won't. That's wrong.

And, I am going to be talking to J's pediatrician as well about getting her evaluated and into some form of counseling. This isn't the first time I've heard about her doing something like this, but the other time she was being picked on as well.

Things like this make me wish I could home school her.

kelpie169 05-23-2012 04:13 PM

That's horrible. I would definitely talk to the principal. Maybe call the teacher to see if she has a more unbiased story. If this behavior really only comes out when your daughter is being bullied then it's more than likely the case now. And as for the other mom getting on the bus to yell at her?? Psh. She'd be meeting the flat end of my fist and fast. There is no reason that behavior could possibly be construed as acceptable. But it may give you a bit of inside as to how her daughter behaves...

Angel89411 05-23-2012 04:13 PM

Your plan with the principal sounds about right. I think it is perfectly reasonable. And if it's any consolation I'm right with you on having the first instinct to go rip that lady a new one.

My iPhone thinks it knows what I meant to say better than I do.

MyBelgianAzzy 05-23-2012 04:21 PM

Re: I'm furious.
I'd get the bus driver's take as well, and also would demand to know WHY a mother was allowed on the bus in the first place to address my child!! I'd be going after the bus driver for NOT calling the school and reporting the incident after I got done with the out-of-line mom.

Also, I'm sure you've thought of this, but I would NOT share your concern that your daughter may benefit from counseling with the other mom. No need to load her up with ammo to claim her child was faultless and your daughter was at fault, unless that is genuinely the case (and even so, her actions were out of line!). You already know the mom doesn't think/behave rationally.

escapethevillage 05-23-2012 04:21 PM

Re: I'm furious.
One year, I had a daycare dad want to come inside my house... no problem, everybody walks in. But, then he said "Which one is John?" I could tell by his voice he was mad at John for something. So, I tried to block him and get his girls to leave right now.

Dad wanted to "talk" to John because his daughter told him John said bad words to her, and tried to kiss her.

First, there is ABSOLUTELY ZERO chance of John ever, ever saying a bad word. I would bet my life on this. Second, I wasn't going to allow a 250lb red haired man "talk" to a four year old. What was he thinking???

I was SO, so, mad. I have never been so angry in my life. He caused a huge problem for me. I did have another parent to back me up and agree that John would not ever use bad language and he was extremely respectful of the space of others. I highly doubt he would do any of the things his daughter said he had.

So, I said "Sorry... either M lied, or you misunderstood her". He was furious that I said she would lie.

Fortunately M caved in and admitted she lied. She said she lied because her dad caught her trying to kiss her dolls, and he instantly assumed she "learned it from daycare". SO, she threw poor John under the bus.

Once Dad and I had it out, we never had any other issues again, but it was very tense for a while.

You have every right to confront the Mom about her behavior. Your daughter was upset and crying because of what the mom did.


Other side of the coin though. I had another daycare boy who was getting picked on by a kid in 5th grade.... all my daycare kids said that it was true. V was hitting Chris every day after school. The school's solution was for Chris to go out a door that was 1/2 block farther away from my house. (another blame the victim) So, I went up to the school, stood near the exit, and watched.... sure enough V got him in a neck hold and threw him on the sidewalk, then danced around him like he was ready for a fight, while he was still on the ground.

I walked up and whispered a threat in V's ear. I'm not proud of what I said...and I couldn't have backed it up. But, I did it. It worked. I might do something similar again.

It's hard to be a parent, or in charge of someone, and see (or think) they are being victimized and not do something about it.

Vivhop98 05-23-2012 04:26 PM

Re: I'm furious.
Good luck trying to get anything done. A child choked my son on the bus to the point of him turning blue and no one did anything. I was in the principal's office more times than you can count and I told them if they wouldn't keep my son safe, I would homeschool. They didn't, so now I am.

MyBelgianAzzy 05-23-2012 04:29 PM

Re: I'm furious.

Originally Posted by Vivhop98 (Post 15140899)
Good luck trying to get anything done. A child choked my son on the bus to the point of him turning blue and no one did anything. I was in the principal's office more times than you can count and I told them if they wouldn't keep my son safe, I would homeschool. They didn't, so now I am.

I don't mean to derail, but did you involve the police? I would have no problem at all involving the police, even if the person doing the bullying was a minor.

doodah 05-23-2012 04:40 PM

Re: I'm furious.
OP, I think you have a good plan in place and agree that you need to cool WAY down before approaching the principal or even this other mom. I understand you are upset. What mom wouldnt be?? But losing your cool is not going to help the situation at all and very likely, make it a lot worse.

Keep in mind that everything you are hearing is from a child and from her perspective. I am not saying that she is lying or that this other girl is innocent. What I am saying is that you know for sure that you dont have the full story. Your best bet is to approach everyone calming and respectfully (even if this other mom gets ugly) and be a good example to your daughter of how things should be handled.

On a side note, my 4.5 year old regularly says that people are being mean to her or that so and so said "they dont want to be her friend". I have watched her and her friends carefully while at play and at least half of the issue is that my daughter is not approaching these girls very nicely sometimes and that she is over sensitive to the slightest offense. She will ask to play dolls and they will all say they are going to swing. She is then in tears saying the girls were mean to her because they didnt play HER game. Sometimes the kids are mean to her but sometimes it really is her perception and social skills that need a little tweaking. The whole scenario is very common for grade school age girls.

JaylasMommy 05-23-2012 04:43 PM


Originally Posted by Vivhop98
Good luck trying to get anything done. A child choked my son on the bus to the point of him turning blue and no one did anything. I was in the principal's office more times than you can count and I told them if they wouldn't keep my son safe, I would homeschool. They didn't, so now I am.

I've dealt with bullies before, but they didn't physically harm J. Her school was pretty good about taking care of the situation. The boy who was bullying her is nice to her now, and he talks to me at the bus stop. Hopefully this gets resolved, but I think that I want the other child's mother to learn that she can't do that more than either child getting in big trouble at school.
I'm sorry your son went through that. :hugs:

Aimers1 05-23-2012 05:04 PM

Re: I'm furious.
It's a good idea to try to nip this in the bud before it gets out of control. A rational discussion in a neutral place like the principal's office is a good idea. I agree with a PP about not mentioning counseling to the other mother. If you think J needs it, then by all means, but it's none of her business. I hears a story at work about a boy who got bullied on the bus incessantly. Nothing was done to reprimand the kids. Eventually, they got so out of control that they smeared peanut butter on him on the bus, knowing that his sister was severely allergic to peanuts. He fought back against these kids and got suspended for hitting one of them. The bullies got no punishment. Last I heard, the mom was suing the school district. These kids were 9 or 10, but it's easy to see how these situations get out of control. The kids get away with things and then escalate. And of course the parents of the bullies think that their kids can do no wrong. I know that J is not a bully, and I hope that you can get this resolved before it gets worse.

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