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-   -   How do you tell others when you are expecting again? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1409600)

mommaagain 06-20-2012 08:21 PM

How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
How do you tell others when you are expecting again and you already have a few kids? We just found out we are expecting #5 and I'm afraid of the reactions from others. Our first 3 were planned, but #4 was a total shocker. So much for that infertility diagnosis. He was also nearly 6 years after our twins. DH and I had both said he was the LAST ONE from the minute I found out I was pregnant. And, well, you know how it is. I got the baby bug and DH agreed it wasn't a completely crazy idea. We decided to just put it in God's hands. I'm thrilled to find out that we were meant to have another blessing. But I can't even think of how or when to tell our families. We each have 3 siblings and only 1 of my sisters knows we were even thinking of having another one. I'm excited and don't want to hear any comments about another oops baby.

Update: We told our immediate families within a week. Reactions were all positive. My younger sister was shocked, to say the least. It took her a good 5 min to even think about saying congratulations. She does seem to be thrilled now. I was so worried the first trimester and really wanted to wait before telling anyone else. Here's our FB post after a 13 week US:
http://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos002.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos008.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos006.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos003.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos020.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos024.jpghttp://i827.photobucket.com/albums/z...yPhotos022.jpg

I figured if anyone's first reaction was to say something stupid and insulting they would have time to think about it before saying it to my face. Responses were all positive :)

mysticmomma1879 06-20-2012 08:36 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
I would say something like... guess 4 kids isn't enough after all. :wink:

mysticmomma1879 06-20-2012 08:36 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
congrats btw!

scwendy 06-21-2012 06:36 AM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
To me I think each and every pregnancy is so very special and I wouldn't "announce" differently based on the fact that it is your 5th.

I actually just found out this week that I am due with my 5th as well and the ONLY thing that affects my announcement per se is that I am 41, so I prefer to wait farther along and after some of the initial testing.

Congratulations!!!

jcalumna 06-21-2012 07:16 AM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
My husband has 7 siblings. My MIL tells me stories of people making comments about the number of children they had. Just recently, she said to me, "Why do these people care? They are not the ones having the children."

She also told me that whenever people made a comment about them having another child that she & my FIL would say "We love children" and that would usually shut people up.

My FIL shared with me early in my marriage that each time they found out they were having another child, he would get a raise or a promotion and that God always provided for them. My ILs managed to raise 8 healthly, socially & financially responsible children on the salary of a super market manager. (MIL was a SAHM).

I also have a visual memory of my FIL's funeral. I recall walking out of the church after his funeral. There was a procession of his casket with my MIL walking behind it & then their 8 children behind their mother. That image has made a profound impact on me. At that point, I realized what an impact this one man made on the world - he left 8 children. Pretty impressive legacy for a supermarket manager who was an average person.

Recently my 79 year old widowed MIL told me she feels bad for people who don't have children because it must be so lonely. She says there's always someone calling or coming over & it keeps her busy. And let me tell you, she's very sharp for her age! She still knows all the birthdays of her 8 children & their spouses plus her 19 grandchildren & all her great grandchildren. She's a great woman & a wonderful MIL.

My ILs inspire me when it comes to dealing with people who have opinions about YOUR life and YOUR children.

I'm surprised at how many comments I have been getting with my 2nd pregnancy (from both family & strangers). After 5 years of marriage which included a miscarriage & an ectopic pregnancy, my DD was conceived. We were surprised that we were pregnant & so happy when she was born. When she was 7 months old, we conceived again. I can't say it was necessarily planned or unplanned. My hubby & I agreed to be open to life & see what happens. We were both surprised to be pregnant again so soon, but happy.

I remember telling my grandmother that I was pregnant again & her remark was "What did you go & do that for?" Yet, this is the same woman who growing up taught me that "children are a blessing".

When someone makes a comment about the spacing of my children, I respond "That's how God gave them to us!" That usually suffrices.

Last week while at the supermarket, a stranger saw me carrying my 14 month old on my hip into the grocery store. She said of my daughter "She's so cute!". I replied "Thank you!". Then the lady said in a nasty tone, "You're having another one?". As much as this annoyed me, in a cheerful tone I responsed, "Yes, she's so cute, why wouldn't I want to have another one?"

mommmy 06-21-2012 12:05 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by scwendy (Post 15283159)
To me I think each and every pregnancy is so very special and I wouldn't "announce" differently based on the fact that it is your 5th.

:exactly:
We're just doing it the same as we announced the other 4--"we have something to tell you guys..."
In my experience, the more kids you have the more people expect you to be pregnant again anyways, so no one should be too shocked.

fishmom 06-21-2012 12:43 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
We let our older kids do the announcing. Who's gonna be mean and sarcastic to an excited group of kids? Umm, wait, maybe I don't want an answer to that question. :giggle: So far, everyone's been great. My mom just says, "I don't know how you do it." But that is coming from a woman who is not saved and struggled with severe depression my whole childhood.

mommaagain 06-21-2012 08:42 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by scwendy (Post 15283159)
To me I think each and every pregnancy is so very special and I wouldn't "announce" differently based on the fact that it is your 5th.

I actually just found out this week that I am due with my 5th as well and the ONLY thing that affects my announcement per se is that I am 41, so I prefer to wait farther along and after some of the initial testing.

Congratulations!!!

I'll be 40 in November, so that does make me nervous. Our last baby was a total shock since we didn't think we could get pregnant without significant medical intervention. I had a very difficult time coming to terms with it. Some people congratulated us right away, but there were many, many more with some sort of comment. It didn't help my mindset any. I just needed people to be happy for me so I could start feeling happy for me too.

I'm just want to be supported in this decision. We decided to NTNP and are still a little freaked out over it. I wasn't entirely sure I could conceive on my own again. But I am happy. And happy to experience a "normal" conception and pregnancy for the first time. I don't want anyone to spoil my excitement.

Thanks for all the support here. I think part of my fear is that I think we're a little nuts for doing this myself. But I look at my other 4 kids and think how could it be a bad decision? :D

abunchoflemons 06-21-2012 09:01 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
I mean I am trying to figure out how to tell my mom on 3 but his side will be happy. My mom is a worrier & all & tell us to abort cuz sooner than planned & we don't need more. I sort of agree since hubby not help lots with kids on not need more( stress & all) but I kinda hope this is our boy just to have that experience of rasing a boy. Only telling few close irl friends & people to explain y I'm asking questions on stuff/ compare notes or explain y I am backing off a project I was going to help with.

abunchoflemons 06-21-2012 09:08 PM

Re: How do you tell others when you are expecting again?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by abunchoflemons (Post 15287982)
I mean I am trying to figure out how to tell my mom on 3 but his side will be happy. My mom is a worrier & all & tell us to abort cuz sooner than planned & we don't need more. I sort of agree since hubby not help lots with kids on not need more( stress & all) but I kinda hope this is our boy just to have that experience of rasing a boy. Only telling few close irl friends & people to explain y I'm asking questions on stuff/ compare notes or explain y I am backing off a project I was going to help with.

Plus I'm a few weeks along & even though odds are ok I'm cramping lots but randomly & that's freaking me out. I kinda don't want to jinks if its our boy otherwise hubby only boy ibn house of all girls.... but after I feel really ok then will openly tell or let yea my oldest spread word. We'll see lots of hubby friends not sure if they really care. Some we both know might but not like we got overpouring of stuff from hubby sides or anything for second baby so not sure on this one either.....


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