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5PrincessMommy 08-04-2012 04:39 AM

Child Support Plus Extras
I have a question/want opinions.

Dh has a son, and he lives with his mom in California. Dh/I pay child support every month. She texted me today asking if I (she is asking me b/c I'm the money maker, dh is a sahd) could get step son some football stuff. Apparently dh's parents already got him football stuff, but she said he needs more. She is asking for under armour compression shorts and tops, football socks, sweatbands, and a sports store gift card. She also asked if we could get him dental insurance in the same text. Actually, first she asked me to send more money, but then right after sent a text "or, if you could just buy him..." (good choice on her part, lol).

Ok, now, I really dislike this girl, so it's hard for me to want to do anything she asks. But, for the sake of the step son I'll do my best. But it's like she thinks I'm made of money, and it bugs me. I have 5 other kids to provide for, besides the fact that I did not birth this kid.

I do not buy new clothing for my girls. I won't say NEVER, but 99% of the time it's used. If they need something specific, I'll try to find it used first. Anyway, considering I don't even buy my girls new, would it be okay to buy him this stuff used? I know she will not like it, b/c that's how she is. But I feel like, beggars can't be choosers, so she should just accept it and say thank you. I did find the under armour compression shorts for 3.50 at savers today. So, should I just go ahead and send them? I just told her "I'll see what I can do" and left it at that.

Also, it bugs me b/c she KNEW about football for months and months. Never mentioned him needing anything. Now all the sudden he needs stuff. I could have been scouting for deals for months now. It also bugs me that she asks ME and not dh.

So....what do you think? Okay to send used?

AbbieJack 08-04-2012 05:00 AM

Re: Child Support Plus Extras
I think you need to suck it up. Not trying to be mean mamma! Your Dh has a son and he has to provide for him. Ya'll have made the decisions for your Dh to be a SAHD. So you have taken on all of his financial responsibility . I would not send used . Your step son has the right to new things if that is what he needs . Under armor gets pretty nasty I personally would be skeeved out by used .

Alaga 08-04-2012 05:34 AM

I don't know anything about the skeeviness (sp?) of used Under Armour :giggle: , but I think if used is the standard for your family, it should be ok for him too. I mean, you already pay CS, and likely buy new gifts for birthdays and holidays, etc, correct? No one on the team would be able to tell anyways (assuming since you sell used you are good at picking out great condition used stuff). :thumbsup: Plus, used items may have just been the wrong size for the previous owner...

OTW maybe buy some things new and some used and maybe that will work for her?

I grew up on used and buy used for my kiddos, so have no problem with it, but I know it freaks out people who are not used to it (like DH, lol!)!

MarieSeeking 08-04-2012 05:39 AM

You pay support so his mom can support him....beyond that, you are obligated to do what you want/can. If you can't, you can't. She should have told you month's ago she would need all this. I would find what I could on the cheap and ask her to get the rest.

What does the divorce decree say about dental insurance? Who is supposed to provide it?

luvsviola 08-04-2012 05:59 AM

Re: Child Support Plus Extras
I would tell her that you will do the best you can, but with not much notice and it being back to school time, you cannot afford to get new of all of it right now. I'd say something like..."Things are tough here and we buy all the kids things at the consignment store. I will look when I am there this week to see if they have any of those things, but this pay period, with buying school supplies and other things for all 5 kids, I can't swing new Under Armour stuff. I can get the socks and headbands, though."

I looked on Amazon, and the shorts run about $20.

Do you have a Play It Again Sports near you? Or some type of sports consignment store?

danielle 08-04-2012 06:03 AM

Well, we do a mix of new and used. I know that my husband would say personal sports clothing (jock, undergarments) should be new and the equipment could be used. I like what a pp said - if the standard for your family is used, then go with that.

Ontariomama 08-04-2012 06:52 AM


Originally Posted by danner
Well, we do a mix of new and used. I know that my husband would say personal sports clothing (jock, undergarments) should be new and the equipment could be used. I like what a pp said - if the standard for your family is used, then go with that.

My dh says that too (for hockey equipment) and I giggle at him. The boys' Under Armour gets washed WAY more often than their gear. And the chest protector/shinpads are next-to-skin as well. lol

CanadianMaple 08-04-2012 06:56 AM

Re: Child Support Plus Extras
Here in New Brunswick, the fathers are responsible for babysitting and for extra expenses. It's split by income. My ex only pays 1/3 for my son, so he pays 1/3 of babysitting costs and will pay 1/3 for his hockey and other expenses.

If my son decides to play football, he will have to pay 1/3 of the registration and for 1/3 of the gear.

abunchoflemons 08-04-2012 07:52 AM

Re: Child Support Plus Extras
In iowa, fathers are set to pay support or moms too based on their income not partner income. I wouldn't buy or send used if that is what u feel like. I wouldn't mentioned bought condition. Shes supposed to buy.that's what cs is for. Iowa also states noncustodial keep health & if qualify they can get free or cheap dental. I'm sure that's nationwide on dental, iowas is hawki that's also health too.. Although I have barely gotten crap from mine & lost insurance from him so I had to buy. He's so far behind that I don't forsee mine being up. Noncovered. Medical is supposed to be split here. I would go on divorce/paternity language. But yes I wouldn't & I would keep logof any ^ all communication. Its her descision to be there.

abunchoflemons 08-04-2012 07:55 AM

Re: Child Support Plus Extras
Unless stated babysitting & extra stuff comes out of cs no matter how much 75 (base if not work) & up from there. Any extra is free will on other parent. I would note anything bought or extra $ sent in case she claims u guys aren't paying or what.....

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