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Umm_Ibraheem 08-04-2012 10:11 PM

Dissapointing MW appt. :(
Today was my 14 week appt, she was not happy with my weight loss but was glad it had stabilized. We discuss a lot of family history which was fine and she wanted a 20 week scan (forget what its called). I normally decline all of them and don't want to get this one either. HOWEVER, she couldn't find the HB and it took a long long time and that was scary considering I stopped feeling 'connected' to this belly a few days ago but we did finally find one! Anyway she is pretty sure there is only one baby in there and she uses the 20 week scan because apparently that's when she makes a decision about the status of the pregnancy and if it can be safely delivered at home.

Out of curiosity I told her I knew we discussed twins and that possibility has been ruled out BUT I still wanted to find out her policy on twins. She said she does not deliver twins at home so anyone with twins has to find another provider because she is not experienced in delivering them and doesn't feel comfortable doing it anyway. So because of that I'm inclined to take that 20 week scan just to make sure that there is only one and everything is fine so she can be at this birth or if there are two then I need to start making alternate plans.

I was praying and praying that she (as well as the medical establishment) DID NOT find twins even if they were there because I wanted her at my birth and I wanted to birth at home. I told this to DH today and he said that it was a bad idea because it wouldn't be a regular singleton birth and I'll need the support of experienced midwives and it wouldn't be right to do that to her. :( I KNOW! I KNOW! I KNOW! so overall it was just a bummer. She also said that all the symptoms I mentioned are in line with hyperemesis except that I don't puke and that's pretty how much they diagnose it. She still doesn't know why I'm dehydrated although she said besides my lips being chapped my skin looks great and doesn't look dehydrated.

I don't know why but I left there feeling sad. Usually seeing her perks me up but not this time.

Green Decals 08-04-2012 10:27 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
Right there with ya mama! I have an awesome HB midwife who we have been working with since DS1 almost 6 years ago. She only attends singletons. BUT, if we have twins (at this point I think it is only 1) she did agree to come to the birth as the pedi (she is a naturopath and our family doc). So basically, we will hire her for a housecall :-) If you really love your MW, ask of you can hire her as a doula for your birth (if it is twins). There are HB MWs in my state who attend twin births, so I can still birth at home regardless.

As for the scan... Yeah, I had the same notion... Skip it and let be what will be. Unfortunately, there will come a time in a twin pregnancy that a skilled MW will know that there is more than 1 in there. After a lot of stressing it, I decided to hammer away at a plan B (twins) just in case, and I will be doing the 20 week US. Well, maybe :-)

Umm_Ibraheem 08-04-2012 11:03 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
@Green Decals. I can't find anyone in my state that attends twin births and finding HB MW was hard enough. With DD in 2010 I was 8 months a long when I finally decided on a MW after interviewing 6 or 8 and we did not mesh. However, when I went into labor she was out of the state due to death in the family but her back up MWs (there were two) showed up. Since I didn't like my original MW anyway and had such an amazing experience with the backups that as soon as I thought I was pregnant in 2011 (the pregnancy never registered and I miscarried twins) I called them and not the original MW.

These MW aren't that experienced, they are in their 40s-50s and recently made the switch to homebirthing. Prior to that they were L&D nurses at the local hospital. So they are pretty new at this but are really good. One MW has gone to quiet a few countries to help other MWs there and in doing so getting more experienced in a shorter amount of time but at the time they attended my HB in 2010 they had single digit births under their belt and most under the supervision of another MW. So it is possible that they would 'miss' a twin pregnancy but I think I'll just get that ultrasound at 20 weeks and be done with it.

Adaline'sMama 08-05-2012 09:58 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
I have to encourage you to go and get a scan if you feel like you are pregnant with twins. There are so many risks and problems that can occur with twins and you really need to be consuming more calories, and often times supplements as well. They take a lot from your body, so it's good to know when they are there. I agree with your DH that it is a bad idea for her not to know if there ARE two in there.

Often times twins come early, so even if you did line up a hb midwife who would do it, it doesnt mean that you will be able to deliver at home. Most twins are born at 35.5 weeks, which you would typically be sent to the hospital by your midwife. The more weight you gain, the less likely your chance of preterm delivery is (most practitioners suggest 45-50 lbs for average sized women. If baby A is transverse or breech, you will almost inevitably need a section.

Just some things to think about :) I hope it helps you make your decision, either way.

Green Decals 08-05-2012 10:09 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
The "all twins come early and you have to have to have a c/s"'is what makes me want a HB even more for twins... But with a midwife who is experienced in breech delivery. Both my FIL and his twin, and my mother and her twin, were all full-term (38-40 weeks) and all of the babies were over 7 pounds, all vaginal, and the only one who wasn't breech was my mother. FIL and his brother were footling (one) and frank (the other) breech. Unfortunately, nobody but experienced, twin-birth-attending, homebirth midwives are trained to attend breech births nowadays.

But, that being said, if you have confidence in your birth team and they have experience with twins and breech babies, then go for it. It sounds like they may be a bit lacking in the experience department, so perhaps you could find a really old OB who is willing to attend a breech if you have twins.

We lost a set of triplets between our two boys... You and I have a lot in common OP :-)

Adaline'sMama 08-06-2012 07:40 AM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(

Originally Posted by Green Decals (Post 15505373)
The "all twins come early and you have to have to have a c/s"'is what makes me want a HB even more for twins... But with a midwife who is experienced in breech delivery.

I agree, if you can find a midwife who will do a frank breech or footling breech (pretty rare for baby a, but it happens) then that is way better. What you dont want is to expect that you are going to be able to have a homebirth and then at 32 weeks your midwife tell you, "Oh, cant do it, Baby A is breech." Make sure they can deliver breech to begin with.

All twins dont come early, but the majority do.

Sarah7464 08-06-2012 01:55 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
And all of this is exactly why I'm scared to death to be carrying twins.

Sarahknavy 08-06-2012 06:40 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
Sarah7464: Don't be scared. Thanks to current medical technology, Those babies and you have an extremely high chance of coming out of delivery very healthy and happy.

To OP: Sorry it didn't go as well as you planned. All of my appts have kind of been the same. All I want is a natural delivery, and every appt so far, that is all I care about... no oooey gooey feelings of any sort. I don't even feel like I am carrying and creating a child... I feel like I am preparing for an event... and I have no clue how the events will unfold. I can't catch hold of the miracle of it all...

Umm_Ibraheem 08-07-2012 03:50 PM

Re: Dissapointing MW appt. :(
So I'm still disappointed but I think its the depression that comes with hyperemesis I'm on week 14 of it. :( Yesterday I had an emergency ultrasound because my toddler jumped on my belly as I was sleeping and it was painful and I was cramping. Walking = contractions so I was spooked. The ultrasound showed only one very active baby (was facing us then gave us the rear lol!) so that eliminated twins. Plus we saw the brain (creepy) so there was a bunch of different views and there was no other in there.

I was talking to a friend and she said that I've been processing last years miscarriage very slowly. Immediately after the miscarriage was registered I was happy I had an answer and not just another "we don't know whats wrong with you" Months after the loss is when I started mourning the loss. When I found out I was pregnant in June I did not want this pregnancy when i was told it might be twins I definitely did not want this. I overcame that and became happy again, then obsessed with the possibility of twins, then back to being my normal happy pregnant woman I was in my previous 2 pregnancies. THEN, recently I became not just obsess with wanting more than one in there but absolutely begging and pleading with God to give me twins. There was snot and tears and gasping for breath while pleading, pretty dramatic and intense for me.

Even though I kept telling myself, "do you realize what you are asking for?" BUT I DIDN'T CARE. I wanted twins and wanted them bad even though I didn't feel like that at all just a few hours earlier. So that's why I was going to do the 20 week ultrasound because it was now a matter of mental health. When I started talking to a friend she said "you sound like one of my friends when she JUST lost her child, she desperately wanted to get pregnant again to 'replace' the child she lost. BUT I'M PREGNANT! Apparently I'm trying to replace the pregnancy I lost. Right or wrong I don't know but it was a different point of view.

Anyway I thought I was going to be disappointed that there were no twins just one but after the scare of thinking I would lose the entire pregnancy I was ok. I'm still depressed though but its more of an overall depression than it is a depression over something specific. Am I making sense?

I feel like an insane person explaining this. I also feel very vulnerable and moments away from tears. Its hard to pin point what is causing it because I've been MISERABLE for 14 weeks! It feels like an ongoing never ending severe case of food poisoning. Yesterday night the hyperemesis went away for a few hours and my head cleared it was amazing. I still had a very strong feeling of hunger and nausea but it was NORMAL. I mean I can tell the difference between THAT normal intense pregnancy nausea and the hyperemesis which is just an overall feeling of unwell plus food poisoning which does NOT feel normal. Anyway it came back and so did the depression. Ugh. I'll just keep posting here though so I have someone to talk to who understands the uncomfortableness of pregnancy as well as the complications hyperemesis brings. IT just overpowers every sensation even my hunger pangs or cravings. :cry:

Sarahknavy 08-07-2012 04:45 PM

All of this sounds very normal. I hope you find some healing. I will be praying for you.

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