Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community - DiaperSwappers.com - Infant loss....my precious son Nicholas

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Infant loss....my precious son Nicholas

I found my soon to be five month old son dead...I was by myself with my four other children...it was horrible and traumatic, there are no words.

Since I was by myself I was a suspect. They would not let me stay with him at the hospital and treated us like criminals. I was cold with fear that they would take my other children. The investigation is not closed and we still do not have cause of death, but CPS has come and gone, for which I am very grateful.

I am still in total shock for reasons I cannot even talk about. And of course the loss. He was the sweetest baby and all were attatched to him...I was mommy and he was still nursing every few hours he was a part of me still.

It is so hard to see my kids, so, so sad. Please pray for them to heal from the trauma and pray for me to be patient and loving and not shut down so they do not lose their mommy too. Daddy is hurting much. We have hope in God in it all--but the pain is intense and real even as we trust a loving God.

Thank you to all who are praying and all of the loving words. We need it all right now and it does help to remind me that God will carry us through this time. Hope to figure out how to post a picture soon...

Oh mama. Tears. Hugs. I don't know what to say and can't begin to imagine your pain and grief.

More tears and hugs.