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nursemama23 08-08-2012 08:43 AM

Fighting siblings
My 2 oldest DDs have been fighting almost constantly lately. It is typically over the silliest thing or nothing at all. My 8 year old gets frustrated, and ends up yelling at my almost 12 year old who is excessively bossy. Nothing seems to be working as far as consequences. Is it just normal sibling rivalry? Age related? We are leaving tomorrow for a 10 day vacation and I'm not looking forward to the constant bickering. I've worked overtime every week since May, I'm 17 weeks preg w/ #4 and just looking forward to some R & R. Any suggestions?

mcpforever 08-08-2012 09:41 AM

Re: Fighting siblings
Do they get breaks from each other? That is usually my first solution and I am pretty "mean" about it. Can't be nice to each other? Fine. Stay away from each other for the rest of the day. You can't be in the same room so figure out how to make that happen.

I've found that setting up expectations for trips (aka laying down the law) before leaving helps my family a LOT. "We are going to have fun. Part of having fun is being nice to each other. If we aren't being nice then we won't have any fun. If you choose to not be nice, then you are ruining things for yourself and everyone else on this trip. There will be no arguing, no complaining, no whining, and no ugliness on this trip. We will be kind to each other. We will listen to each other. We will use nice voices. We will look for things to be happy about. And we will have fun! If you aren't having fun, you're doing something wrong. If you are tired, don't whine about your legs hurting. Politely say, "Can we take a break? My legs are tired." If you are hot, don't whine about being hot. Politely say, "Mom, I see a shady spot. Can we go cool off over there?"" (blah blah blah-taylor to your specific situation)

hibiscus869 08-08-2012 10:04 AM

My sister has a rule with her kids that if they are fighting and scrapping with their siblings then they are not allowed to have friends over or go to a friend's house. They have to have at least 3 consecutive days of no bickering if they want to play with friends. If at the end of day 2 or 3 they start fighting then they have to start the 3 days all over again. Her kids are very kind to each other and really don't fight much at all using this system. It's amazing actually. She has 5 kids.

I have another friend who insists that if her kids have been fighting that they have to sit on chairs facing each other and hold hands for 10 minutes. They have to think of something kind to say about the other person, and they don't get to play with friends if they aren't kind to their own siblings. She has 9 children and they are SO kind to each other, I almost never see them fight with each other.

I personally have a rule that if my children are bugging each other that it means they are bored and don't have enough to do so it's time to do extra chores for me or pull out some math workbooks. This is usually pretty effective. :) When we've been traveling I've insisted that it means my oldest needs to go read alone for a while, chill out, have some alone time.

pumkinsmommy 08-08-2012 11:00 AM

Re: Fighting siblings
I suggest some chores. Children don't do enough to help at home for the most part. It will keep then busy so they can't fight. When they are done you can tell them how much they contributed by doing important jobs around the house.

EmmieSuesbabyboutique 08-08-2012 08:33 PM

Re: Fighting siblings
I have a almost 14y and a 12. They fight a lot.......... and I must say I love all of your ideas.
I have them go to there rooms and chill read or something. Most times it works.

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