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loveramongstars 08-13-2012 11:04 PM

Some have read my kinda situation in the wishes for pregnany thread. Ok, so I'm in Texas. He's in florida.
Just give me suggestions please.
And also, do i put him on the birth certificate?

Sent from my Inspire. Hope everything makes sense!

brookglen 08-14-2012 01:16 AM

Sorry you have to deal with this mess during your pregnancy. It sucks.

My husband and his ex were on the outs when she was expecting their son. The best advice I can give that he never took and suffered greatly because of is to begin the process of obtaining a custody/support agreement THROUGH A FAMILY COURT as early as possible. don't wait until your child is one or two.

Additionally, document everything. Everything. From his asinine texts to any proof of income to any proof of negligence.

File in the state you will be living in while raising your child. It's difficult to get a change of venue once it's been set.

Lawyer up. They know things you don't know, and if he is hiding income they will find it.

Keep in mind that that the family court system is put into place to think in terms of what is best for the child. They don't care if feelings were hurt, or someone cheated, or who left who. They don't care about anything but the kid.

I'll post more as I think of it, but I hope these tips help.

loveramongstars 08-14-2012 03:00 AM

He works full time. When do i start? Now? After its born? Do i put his name on the birth certificate? What about visitation or him not paying?

Eta: i kno he hurt me but he's still the father. I just want to be main cp for he doesn't even want to claim it!

Sent from my Inspire. Hope everything makes sense!

Umm_Ibraheem 08-14-2012 05:53 AM

Re: custody
Honestly and this is going to sound REALLY bad so please forgive me for this. I suffered through abuse as a child and I would be very hesitant to allow unaccompanied visitation (is that what its called?) to someone who doesn't want my child and who claims they will fight me and give them up for adoption for fear that they may harm the child. Some people are just cruel and while they may not kill the child they may abuse them to 'get back' at the other parent. I was in that situation as a child and it sucked.

I would still like the father to be involved in our child's life but I would make sure that he has to 'earn' the unaccompanied visits. I would also prepare myself that he may never 'earn' or want to earn those visitations but at the very least my child will be unharmed by him. What I wrote may seem like an over reaction to some but the scars I have are too deep for me to ignore when someone threatens my children. I am their parent and I will try everything in my power to keep them safe and that includes everyone even their father. kwim?

almostcrunchy 08-14-2012 11:31 AM

Re: custody
YES, put him on the birth certificate. As soon as the baby is born you start the paperwork/custody process. And you would file in the state/county where the baby lives.
You don't want to not put him on especially since he already doesn't want to claim the baby (it will make it look like you didn't "think" he was the father and will just create more hoops for you to jump through later on).

AniMommy 08-14-2012 01:37 PM

Re: custody
Are you married to him or were you married at the time of conception? If so, he will presumed to be that legal father no matter what you put on the birth certificate.

I agree that you should talk to a family lawyer in your state. It's probably a couple hundred bucks to have an appointment and get some DEPENDABLE info, but money spent now may save a lot of money and heart ache later. If money is an issue, contact the family court in your county and see if they offer low-cost services or can direct you to legal aid. (This will be a frustrating process but worth it to get the info).

A custody agreement allows you to have visitation and money decided. It can be on terms that you both agree on without a court getting involved. If you have a custody order, it may be easier to get garnishment of his wages if he fails to pay.

loveramongstars 08-14-2012 01:52 PM

Umm, (cant see full name, on my phone), it doesn't seem too harsh or anything. Once i found out, he told me to get rid of it. Once I didn't, he said he wouldn't pay because it was my choice and not his too keep it. I don't think he will but I never kno. If not physically, he'll probably argue with the baby. :-( He likes to.argue.
I was not married to him at the time of conceptipn. We were dating before, months before the baby. We were never married.
I am low on funds as I just moved back to TX and have no job yet.

Sent from my Inspire. Hope everything makes sense!

Ainmemphis 08-14-2012 02:07 PM

Re: custody
I wish I knew something legal to share but just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and your situation and certainly it will turn out in your favor, such a shame you have to go through all this hassle while trying to enjoy pregnancy! Good luck!

abunchoflemons 08-14-2012 02:33 PM

Re: custody
I was told if I know stuffi had to put it. Iowa u have to do custody & cs in ur paternity. I didn't want to cuz I knew I would get jack & yes that's about it. He's behind 10000+ & not see but few times in almost 8 yrs..... said he would disown if gay but still claims her now even though no support, u have to kep up on him & his new jobs & money to get more. If under the table (cash )& no bank= no levies. But can take passports & liscenses & jail if behind & u do on own not through state csru is slow in state not to imagine out. Yes start now it takes I was told 6 month min & more if he contests stuff u want. I I wanted full custody, he pay for visits & all because stuff that happened while together 4 me. I wasn't going to let them have my kid. I know for iowa csru for 25 will help u with stuff. He still is responsible 4 the life he made wanted or not.

abunchoflemons 08-14-2012 02:36 PM

Re: custody
U may be able to go in & just ask few questions to help csru in ur favor. Mine was 2000 plus more if he contests & all. Different firms cost diff amounts....make sure u get good one cuz my dads was bad & my moms ewalked all over him.

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