How to Co-parenting with the impossible parent...
A little background-DH and I have been together for 9 years. He has a son from a previous short lived relationship. For the most part we have always had more custody. Currently his son lives with is FT, going to school with us and goes to bio mom every other weekend. Last year in court he told the mediator he did not want to go back and forth and felt his mom didn't take the time with him so thats why he only goes there everyother weekend (prior it was every weekend.
We have tried many times to have a stable no hostile relationship for the sake of the boy but her mental issues will not allow her to do so.
Parenting with this women is nearly impossible-She parents the exact oppostite and refuses to allow/change/modify anything -I swear its on purpose just to have some sort of control. It is never a dull moment in life with her around-mind you she is remarried with 3 other kids and still finds time to harass and email frequently.
So my question is how do you co-parent with someone like this?
Example-say we ask to swap weekend she always says NO, but yet she will send the boy with her moms. The boy is always in the middle frequently telling us his mom tells him to ask us things and report back to her, rather than her being the parent and calling. Oh wait did I mention all communication is only via email-we actually have NO contact #'s for her. He is not allowed to communicate with us when he is at her house-he got in trouble for calling us at one point this is when she changed her #'s.
The boy sees all this and is in the middle, and it is starting to wear on him, last week he came home and broke down for no reason finally after talking with him he says how hard it is for him to listen to his mom bash us and continually grill him about our life and he just wants a normal life. I have never cried so hard!
My husband and I are at a loss-We have yes done our fair share of getting under her skin but have also done our fair share of trying to make a better relationship for the boy.
We have tried to make her see what she is doing to him but it seems like she could care less.
Any suggestions or anyone else have to deal with the other parent being absolutley unbearable????
Any help would be great :blush:
Re: How to Co-parenting with the impossible parent...
Didn't want to read and run hun. I would contact a lawyer and see what your options are. She is clearly trying to alienate DSS and it's not a healthy environment at all. You state it's wearing on him emotionally and I would draw the line. Is there a current custody or visitation order? I think that in most cases the parents are required to give the other parent a current contact number. If not, how old is DSS, too young for a cell phone?
There is a custody order in place which allows her every other weekend. We are considering returning and asking for her to only has him during the summer and still alternate holidays.
He is 10 and has his own iPod but was told his iPod will be taken from him if he messages us while with her :(
It is emotionally draining on all of us especially him
It's hard because we have been in counseling with him for almost a year and have been to pin point that the issue he has is with his mom but she is unwilling to participate in counseling so nothing is getting resolved.
Re: How to Co-parenting with the impossible parent...
I would go back to Court and get a new CO that says that you are allowed to call DSS and that he is allowed to call you while at BM's (birth mom's). It should also say that you are to have BM's telephone numbers. You can even specify that you are allowed to call him X amount of times and talk to him for X minutes each call, or that he is allowed to call/text you.
You can also have it written into the CO that BM is not to ask questions about your family life, or talk about you in any way. Of course, it's hard to enforce that but with a child who is 10 or older, he'll be able to tell someone if she is doing that. Also, it seems like the counsler would be able to make a report that would be in your favor for Court which says that the things that BM is doing are harmful to your DSS.
Not that you want to exclude her from her life, but sometimes you need the Court to help you make an adult do the right thing. In our case, with my DSD, BM has done some crazy things and has actually stopped doing them once she realized the Court could (and would) penalize her for them.
Yeah we would like to avoid court and co-parent together but that has yet to work out in the past, mom has brought us to court several times I think we have been like 9x and the result is typically the same no change or we get more time (only one time she got 50/50-other than that we have always had more time)
Unfortunatley we may have to return to court the problem is that in CA the volume is so high and the manpower is low that I don't think the court care about little things even if it is contact info.
We have a court order that is pretty specific but mom doesnt follow it and when we filled contempt it ended up getting dismissed due to an error in the court date not being within 45 days...so of course then she thinks she gets away with it and continues to break the court order.
The counselor has offered to go to court or send in his observations when we return which will look great on our part because she has not participated in the year he has been seeing the counselor.
So we are back at square one 9 years later and a child stuck in the middle.
Its just hard when there is no reality with her she thinks she doesn't have to parent with us or with his father for that matter but yet continually places the child in the middle.
Very sad situation!
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