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mamaratliff 08-29-2012 10:43 AM

DH gets the V tomorrow...
And I feel so confused. The logical part of my brain says that we have 4 beautiful children, our house, our car, and our budget really can't handle anymore. Plus my sanity feels maxed out as well. Dh was done at 3, and the surprise of #4 took quite a bit of adjustment for him. Ad in the fact that we've had 4 m/c along the way, some tough pregnancies, and lot's of heartache... it really makes sense to be done.

All of that and I still feel kinda sad about tomorrow. Dh doesn't understand at all, and thinks I should be jumping for joy like he is. My head knows it's the right thing, but my darn heart seems to not have gotten the memo. My heart says who cares about money, and houses, and "things" I love my babies, and would gladly give every last drop of myself for them, so why not have more. I worry that 5 years from now, when the littlest one is in school, that I'll be really sad to not have the chance for another. Even though right now, I really don't want another baby.

I"m just a confused mess today. It's going to be fun to be able to go out and DO stuff with these kids too right? I'm going to love being able to run them around to soccer games, and dance recitals, and not having a baby attached to my boob all the time... right?

I don't even know what the point of this post is, except to get it out there, and hope that another mama somewhere can relate.

stevensmom 08-29-2012 10:47 AM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
:hugs: I'm so sorry sweetie.

DH really wants to get a V, especially after all of our losses.

I am so not done, but I think about all the fun we'll have as a family of 4 and it makes it a bit better

But you are grieving and it's normal :hugs:

maybe in 5 years you could consider adpotion

stevensmom 08-29-2012 10:48 AM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...

whitneywalters 08-29-2012 10:59 AM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
No advice, just :hugs:

l_Kimmie_l 08-29-2012 11:12 AM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
I had the tubal done after #4. I still have dreams that I want more and am resentful I had it done. I know 4 is enough and we have children from 25 to 4 months (DHs are 25 and 17 and mine is 15, and ours are 4, 3, and 4 mos). We now want time for us, but I keep thinking I will want more. I am 38 in Oct and do not need more and cannot afford more, so I made the right choice. I think most women are just programed buy high estrogen to feel this way.

liza-bo-biza 08-29-2012 01:44 PM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
I understand feeling like the possibility of more is gone...and that being hard to come to grips with. I think you will eventually feel it was the right decision, especially if your finances, etc. are stretched. I just had my 1st baby and he's 4 months now, and we don't *think* we're having more, but I can't imagine having the choice out of my hands....good luck :)

mamaratliff 08-29-2012 06:49 PM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
Thanks ladies. It's nice to know that it's a normal'ish feeling. And I totally agree it's more about the "possibility" being gone than the actual wanting of more children.

Lousli 09-02-2012 01:04 PM

Re: DH gets the V tomorrow...
My husband just made his appointment too and I have really mixed feelings about it. I 100% know it is the right choice for us, but I still feel sad, KWIM? I think it is the whole "last baby" thing and watching my 18 month old walking and talking and seeing how fast she is growing. My older two are 10 and 7, and I can't believe how quickly that time has gone by!

While we wait for his surgery and after, until we get the "all clear" we're using condoms, which slightly terrifies me. I'm so worried about condom failure. It still kind of amazes me to think of the permanency of a vasectomy though.

We don't have a big enough car for another, and would really struggle to afford daycare for two at a time. It isn't like I could wait a few years until my youngest is in school either, I'm almost 40. And I love my kids like crazy but having 3 and being an elementary school teacher I sometimes feel like I don't have any time just to be with adults.

I think biology just wants me to want another, lol.

mommabritt 09-02-2012 01:09 PM

:hugs: For me it was all about the possibility being gone. Dh had it done 9 months ago and honestly, it's been great. I have gotten past it and I really am looking forward to a day where there are no strollers, diaper bags, and only maybe one booster seat to carry around.

cylverdust 09-15-2012 11:25 PM

I am having a tubal next month. I am excited on one hand. I have horrible pregnancies and I don't think my body can handle another one. I am also a SAHM with a med student hubbs who is never home. The other hand I am nervous I will change my mind. I guess it is normal. Truth be told at the base of it I don't want to get pregnant again. Just feels weird to fix it do I can't. Yanno.

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