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tlc981 08-30-2012 11:03 AM

New here :)
I know we are not as non-traditional as some of the families here, but decided to join anyway. I am a soon to be single mom to 3 boys. My oldest is from a previous relationship and his father has had no contact for 4 years. My younger 2 are with my stbxh. I filed for divorce Tuesday and it has been a long time coming. From his majorly dysfunctional family, his lies, cheating and alcoholism I am done. He first attempted to cheat (to me its still cheating b/c the intent was there) when we found out I was pregnant with our youngest 6 weeks after ds2 turned 1. He got drunk and texted a girl he worked with asking to meet up. She knew he was married and was going to. He was too drunk and passed out before he could leave. A few weeks after that I kicked him out after he went to help a friend move and he didn't come home or hear from him in 3 days. I told him he couldn't come back until he went to rehab or started AA meetings. Well he never did and while staying with his friend he started a relationship with a friend of his friend who was also married but her husband was/is in jail and she has a criminal record too. He even tried to meet up with her after I found out and said he didn't want to lose me. He refused to come home b/c he was working with his friend (this woman lived a block away from where he was staying). He finally cam home when I was diagnosed with gd and I needed him home to watch the kids while I had dr's appt 2x a week. His drinking slowed down, but 6 weeks after ds3 was born he got a new job and the drinking started all over again b/c he had money. (he had previously stolen money from my oldest ds and he let me believe I had lost the money). He was always drunk. Then several months ago he again tried to meet up with a girl he knew from high school and meet up at a bar. He was going to his dads house for the weekend. Then since july 20 he has spent every weekend there except for the weekend he was here in the hospital ICU for Alcoholic Ketoacidosis, kidney failure and an enlarged liver(and continued to drink after leaving the hospital). 3 weekends before the hospital he was meeting up with a friend he said was like a sister to him to go fishing. Funny thing I never heard of her before. They went fishing without her husband. Just my dh and her. I told him that it was totally inappropriate given his history and lies. Well the next weekend he then again went back to his dads (an hour away from where we live). He met up with her again, this time he said he asked her if he could feel her boobs. I told him that we needed to get a divorce, that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. Then we decided to work it out. He then again asked to go up to his dads and I told him that it was a bad idea and it wasn't going to help our situation. Well he decided to go and came home extremely drunk (he didn't drive, he wrecked my brother's car while we suspect he was intoxicated and and our van he was intoxicated, just barely under the legal limit. So he was not allowed to drive and my van is broke down anyway). He was being a jerk and asked what we were going to do about the situation. I told him well then I guess its divorce. Anyway we agreed he would stay here until it was final b/c a co-worker lived nearby and drove him to work and we needed to take a parenting class before it will be finalized. He agreed to everything I asked for (supervised visitation and sole custody). He has been saying he has nothing to live for and that he wishes that they wouldn't have saved him at the hospital. He was supposed to come back Sunday so he could go to work monday. He called sunday at 10:30 pm saying his dad was still out bowling and didn't have a way back. We talked for an hour and sounded remorseful and I started second guessing our decision. He was going to come home monday after work. Not a work from him. I called and texted. He finally called around 7. Said he would come by in the morning to get his info for his dr's appt and then come home after that. Well I get a text the next morning asking where his appt was. I told him. Nothing at all. So I filed our notarized papers Tues. I am probably going to have to file contempt if he doesn't take the class, which I don't think he will. But anyway there it is......good to get it all out. There is more but I think this is enough for now lol.

I am just sad that his almost dying wasn't rock bottom for him. And that time after time he chose his dad and sister over the family we made together (he went up there for weekends at a time whenever they wanted to see him, but yet he missed holidays with us b/c he was passed out drunk).
I just need good thoughts b/c he left us without money. I am lucky we live in my aunts basement apt. with no rent/utilities.

Suzi 08-30-2012 02:47 PM

Re: New here :)
Who knows what it will take for him to hit bottom and truly give that up. I'm glad you are getting space from him. Already too much of your life has been spent worrying about him, taking care of him, or bailing him out of situations. I'm not all that non-traditional either. I love coming on here though since there is absolutely no judgement on that. Will definitely send some good thoughts your way.

pine_apple_goat 08-30-2012 04:04 PM

Re: New here :)
:hugs::hugs: Good for you for standing up for yourself and your kids. I can only imagine how hard it is. Just keep in mind that you are doing the right thing. I will send lots of good thoughts your way. :hugs::hugs:

We are always here if you need to vent or anything.

nothingtosee 08-30-2012 04:25 PM

Re: New here :)
Don't give up! :)

pine_apple_goat 09-15-2012 11:29 PM

Re: New here :)
How's it going mama?

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