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-   -   How do you deal with twin jealousy? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1444950)

thealmightyme 09-18-2012 06:24 PM

How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
I'm talking, taking away toys, pushing one out of my lap, climbing over the other one to get to a specific spot ect. It's only one of them that does this. When he takes the toy from his brother he just tosses it to the side after he gets it, then pitches a fit when I give it back to the one who had it first. They are 18 months old. I don't know how to deal with this properly.

bea2269 09-19-2012 02:05 PM

My first born twin was notorious for doing those sorts of things. I would take away whatever they were fighting over, sit her down in her chair and have a talk about how to treat others. I would keep them separate for a few minutes as well. They are now 3, and they are still jealous of one another. Sometimes, they would fight it out before I knew what was happening.

Just to give you some hope. I spoke with their daycare teacher last week. She asked me if they were sweet and loving with one another at home. I laughed and assured her they were more like Ali and Foreman. Apparently, they NEVER fight at school- only at home. They put forth a united front at daycare. The joys of twinsies!

thealmightyme 09-22-2012 09:19 PM

Isn't it interesting that Preston, the one who is so jealous is the first born twin also? Tonight I was letting them play in their room before bed time. They were opening and closing the closet door. Desmond was at the side where it closes, and Preston was the one opening and closing the door. Desmond got his thumb smashed between the door and the wall. He started crying because of the pain and starred coming over to me to be loved on, so Preston comes running to me also crying and trying to climb in my lap before Desmond could get there. Preston is much faster than Desmond is.

twinpossible 09-23-2012 12:39 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
Yep it happens, my girls are one month younger then your boys and they have always had the jealously factor. They push or kick the other one when in my lap, steal food and toys from each other and sometimes have a full on cat fight over something. My hubby being a child psychologist said to just let them work it out most of the time so we do. If they are fighting over an object I quietly go up to them and take it away while saying, "If we cannot take turns then this will go away for a while." As far as jealously over mama time I just try to make it as even as possible but make sure that whom ever is hurt gets me first. We say many phrases through out the day like, "soft hands", "inside voices", "play nice" and "what's wrong?". If it helps I have twin girl cousins who started out this way but by about age 5 they were best friends and played nicely.

Brooke789 09-23-2012 05:11 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
We've got it too with our 27 month old twins. And yes the oldest is the worst. She picks which side of the shopping cart each one sits on, which fork is hers, which cup is hers (even though they are exactly the same). She won't let him touch anything that she thinks is hers (even though it's really for both of them). Honestly, I'm a little afraid that it is turning into flat out bullying because she gets to choose everything.

twinpossible 09-23-2012 05:58 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
Funny enough my oldest is the calm-pushover one and the younger is my little terrorist!

Brooke789 09-23-2012 06:01 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
I don't think my son (second born) is a push-over. I just think some of the things that matter to her don't matter to him. If he's thirsty he'll drink out of the pink or green cup (where she'll only drink from the pink). He doesn't care which side of the cart he sits on. If I hand each one a cookie and she holds it out demanding he take it he'll switch cookies with her. But if he is playing with his favorite toy he is going to put up a fight if she comes after it.

twinpossible 09-23-2012 06:07 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
My older DD is a pushover, she is normally very calm and go with the flow. The times she puts up a fight is if her sister takes a toy away or her bottle. My older DD has thoughts on everything and voices them all-the-time! She is very advanced for her age and her sister acts more her age. It can be hard to keep things balanced because she can be so difficult.

thealmightyme 09-25-2012 08:11 AM

I didn't realize this was a common thing between twins. There is no one else in my family with twins. I only know one set of twins that used to go to school with my 4 yo. They are 5 now so they are not like this. I didn't usually see their parents to ask about it. There are several twins on dh side, but they are all grown. Mine were the first set in our generation. They mostly live on Texas or have passed on. So again no one really to ask. If the twins in his family are still alive, the parents aren't. His grandmother is a twin, but one passed from Alzheimers, and his grandmother has it now.

So thanks ladies for chiming in. I had really no idea what to do.

With the toy issue, I personally don't remove it from both, I let the one who had it first keep it. I want the other to learn that he who had it first gets to take their turn with it. In March they will be going to the same school as my oldest. So I need them to understand they can not remove any toys from other children. This could be a potential problem at preschool/Daycare.

As far as Mommy time is concerned, I try to share my lap at the same time, and hold the one who is actually hurt. Preston usually just comes crying to me when Desmond hurt himself, because he sees his brother will be getting attention.

On another note, how many of you regularly get whacked in the head with toys? Lol

Brooke789 09-25-2012 04:57 PM

Re: How do you deal with twin jealousy?
 
I have a scar right under my eye where my son hit me with a book before he was even a year old. He didn't do it on purpose. They were both in my lap reading books and when he was ready for the next one he flung a book back at me. The corner hit me right below my eye. It really stung and I asked DH to look at it b/c it was really hurting, but he said he didn't see anything, so I just kept reading. Then blood started dripping. How DH didn't see a gash that was pour blood is beyond me....but that is another thread :)


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