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Isabellesmama 10-02-2012 10:43 PM

To have another or not.....advice please
I will start with how I had my daughter.
I had a horrible pregnancy! I started having contractions around 20 weeks. No dr would listen to me & I was in & out of L&D quite frequently. I was on bedrest at home when i was 24 weeks & put in the hospital at 26 weeks. I was sent home when they thought they stopped my labor for me to back at 28 weeks & there to stay. My amino was leaking & they would barely let me out of bed. They planned on inducing me at 34 weeks in fear of infection or her cord kinking if it came through the tear in the bag(can't remember what it's called but very dangerous) I had my daughter at 32 weeks when my water broke while sitting up & had her an hour later(ALLLLLL natural, but so glad it ended up that way) besides being 2 months early she was a short chunky lil thing! 4lbs 10oz 14inch long. She had to stay in the NICU for 29 LOOOOOOONG days & besides a few bumps in the road is a healthy happy very intelligent 20 month old. I am so afraid to have another baby to have what I went through again. :( I don't think I could do it again & this time I have a toddler that needs caring for too. I am also in fear that if I did have the baby at term & able to EBF (with my DD I was able to exclusively pump for 3 mths until my body gave up & I dried up even after I tried everything) I fear that I will have a better bond with the new baby bcuz I wanted to BF SOOOOOO bad & only got to have DD to breast a handful of times with her being so little & weak....I also have met people who have a favorite child & I'm so scared that that could happen if I have more. I guess my biggest concern is do I want a baby to make up for what I missed out with my first? & is the wrong of me? I've tried talking to family about it with no luck & some telling me I should not have another baby bcuz it will make me resent my first & others telling me to follow my heart but my heart it torn between wanting my daughter to have a sibling & wanting all my love to go to her. Please only positive advice thank you!! :) & thanks for reading I'm a rambler ;)

starbeam 10-02-2012 11:54 PM

Re: To have another or not.....advice please
i sympathize with a lot of what you're going through. i have type 1 (juvenille) diabetes and also had a very difficult pregnancy - although nowhere near as tough as yours sounds! - i had to go to the drs. office a minimum of 2X a week, often 3 or 4X, for the last several months for tests, was constantly told my baby might be stillborn, and ended up having labor induced at 37 weeks at dr's insistence because of high blood pressure - resulting in 43 hours of labor and 5 hours of pushing ending in an emergency C-section.

i feel like a know a lot more now, and would also like to try to have another "better" birthing experience.

also, would love for my son to have a sibling.

however, as you said exactly, i am torn between wanting him to have a sibling and wanting all my love to go to him. i have no idea how i could possibly love any other human being, even another baby, as much as i love him. also, even though we do fine, own a house, have no credit card debt, own our cars outright, etc, we're not wealthy by any means and it's always hard to think about how we could afford another...just trying to be responsible!!!

basically, i have no answer for you. i totally sympathize though. i have no idea how to figure out the answer, it seems impossible.

Isabellesmama 10-03-2012 12:09 AM

Thank you for sharing!!! It eases me that I'm not the only one!!! It is so hard to know the answer!!

raymark 10-03-2012 12:29 AM

Re: To have another or not.....advice please
IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.

BellaPepper 10-03-2012 01:20 AM

I had the same worries after my first. I now have 2 more and I'm so happy I did. Your heart grows with each child you have and you will find that you can love them all.

Sarah-B 10-03-2012 07:30 AM

Dd is only 3 months and I already want another. Always have wanted at least 2 if not 3 children.

If someone told you that you would have gone through all that I have your dd knowing her now you would have done it for sure- you would do anything for her.

As for the whole breastfeeding situation - you give each of your children the best that you can at the time. With your dd you tried your best and have her 3 long months of the liquid gold... If breastfeeding is more successful the 2nd time around that would be great wouldn't it?! Also since you also have experience at breastfeeding/pumping I would think it would go better anyway.

I am sure your dd would want a sibling... I also think and feel like another poster said that your heart just grows with each child.

2 years from now I bet you will have a new baby and you will be so happy that you did and just as you can't imagine your life without your dd it will be the same about your new baby.

Don't worry about having a favorite. Just anytime you have that feeling in your head immediately replace that thought with "I love each of my children equally"

Good luck with your decision. I feel like you would never regret having another sweet child only regret not having one.

Hugs mama it is a big decision

Isabellesmama 10-03-2012 08:31 AM


Originally Posted by raymark
IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.

This is the kind of things that I take as not being positive. There's people who DON'T want kids & get pregnant by not protecting themselves & keep the child & are so happy & in love with their children. I have GOOD reasons to question if I want to have another one & I'm gonna take a guess & say mayb you haven't went thru something so traumatizing as I did. Not trying to be mean I just want only positive things I've already been belittled by my family That's why I am here to get some advice from people who can relate.

And thank you all sharing stories. It's really good that I hear others struggle with this too!!

happymama1 10-03-2012 06:40 PM

Re: To have another or not.....advice please
:hugs: for your difficult experiences...

IMO, if you are asking the question, it means you aren't ready to be done ;)

Best wishes!! I hope you have family near you that could offer to help if you have another difficult pregnancy!

Isabellesmama 10-03-2012 07:49 PM

Thank you!!! :)

nursenmom 10-03-2012 08:21 PM

Re: To have another or not.....advice please

Originally Posted by raymark (Post 15762446)
IMO, if you are questioning this then the answer is no - at least for now. I don't believe anyone should choose to become pregnant or adopt unless they are 10,000,000% sure and wouldn't think to question it.

I definitely don't agree with this. Just my :2cents: If I lived by this I probably still wouldn't have had kids and my heart would be sad. I think a lot of people are like me in the sense that it would be impossible to ever be that ready.

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