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-   -   When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family) (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1450615)

peaches330 10-04-2012 08:52 PM

When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
I'll start this out by saying that my kids have never stayed with anybody other than grandparents overnight and I have only let close family babysit them. I am having a hard time with this. I hadn't talked to my DD about it because I honestly wasn't expecting her to be invited yet. She just started Kindergarten at public school and she just turned 6. She seems to have kind of accepted the little girls request, but I don't think I'm ok with it. DH isn't so sure either. We both started doing sleepovers around 6 or 7, but I know it was hard for me at first and I really don't know how comfortable I feel with my own DD going yet. I actually don't think it has to do as much with letter her sleep over somewhere as it does with the parent of the girl who invited her and the manner in which she was invited. It's a little off putting when the mom of a 5 yo is comfortable letting a 5 and 6 year old make plans like that instead of talking to me about it first. I mean, they've never even had a play date together. After trying to figure out what was bothering me I realized that I'd probably be ok with her staying with her friend who's mom is a good friend of mine (her dad is good friends with DH too) so we know them and their home really well. I know I can't keep her from doing stuff forever, but she's only 6.

Am I overreacting? How soon would or did you let your child go to sleepovers at friends houses? Were you really comfortable with the parents first?

ETA: I wanted to add what I said later onto the OP. The mom is fully aware of the "plans" because she asked my DD if she got their number right in front of me.Sorry if that wasn't clear. It wasn't just the girls talking about it, the mom told her DD to give mine their number so she could sleep over. I think we've decided that we are not ready to do sleepovers yet. I realized haven't even let my MIL take her to her timeshare at a ranch that DD desperately wants to go to a couple hours away yet and I do trust her with my DD so we're just not ready.

ajane 10-04-2012 09:19 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
At age 6. When the 2 oldest girls were that age they were BEYOND excited. If they were tentative or scared then no way. However, they have only had sleep overs where I knew the family. And I will fully admit this past summer when DD1 was 8 she had a sleepover at a friends house where I knew the mom, but didn't know the dad very well. I was confident and not worried. DD1 knew she was never to be in a room by herself with the dad and if she ever felt uncomfortable/scared/uneasy/etc. to tell them she didn't feel good and she needed to call me. I would pick any of them up at any hour.


When DD1 was in K a girl in her class had a sleepover b-day party. I did NOT let her go. No way. I had no idea who the parents were. I didn't even know the mom. Not gonna happen.

peaches330 10-04-2012 09:27 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by ajane (Post 15771796)
At age 6. When the 2 oldest girls were that age they were BEYOND excited. If they were tentative or scared then no way. However, they have only had sleep overs where I knew the family. And I will fully admit this past summer when DD1 was 8 she had a sleepover at a friends house where I knew the mom, but didn't know the dad very well. I was confident and not worried. DD1 knew she was never to be in a room by herself with the dad and if she ever felt uncomfortable/scared/uneasy/etc. to tell them she didn't feel good and she needed to call me. I would pick any of them up at any hour.


When DD1 was in K a girl in her class had a sleepover b-day party. I did NOT let her go. No way. I had no idea who the parents were. I didn't even know the mom. Not gonna happen.

I think that is the big issue. I don't know the mom well and she is friends with some of the worst moms in my town. I hate to judge people by the company that they keep, but it makes me really nervous. When I told DH that her DD invited ours he kinda laughed and said "I don't know about C watching her" which tells me a lot since he thinks I'm overprotective :giggle:. He knows her better than me since they hung out in the same circle of friends sometimes in school. Like I said, I think I'd be ok with her having a sleepover with my friend's DD because I know how their house works and I feel safe with that, but this makes me really uncomfortable. Thing is this girl and my DD are friends and as long as we live here, they are always going to be in the same class throughout elementary school so this is probably going to be something we have to deal with each year.

qsefthuko 10-04-2012 10:17 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
As your child will be totally their responsibility when at their home if you don't approve of them or know them don't let her stay overnight. I wouldn't. Children, especially young children are vunlerable. Also who a person is friends with does say something about a person and their standards.

Psychomom 10-04-2012 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peaches330
It's a little off putting when the mom of a 5 yo is comfortable letting a 5 and 6 year old make plans like that instead of talking to me about it first.

How do you know the moms know? Kids plot & plan all the time without telling respective parents.

z2akids 10-04-2012 10:56 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Psychomom (Post 15771992)
How do you know the moms know? Kids plot & plan all the time without telling respective parents.

I agree with this. I cannot tell you how many times my kids plan an activity with a friend and neither that mom or I know about it until they have it all set in their minds. The older and more independent they get, the more this will happen.

As far as sleep overs, we started at about 6 years old with our first and by the time our 3rd (last) wanted to spend the night, she had only just turned 5. Now, that being said, I wouldn't allow my child to ever spend the night at a house where I thought they might be in danger.

peaches330 10-04-2012 11:21 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Psychomom (Post 15771992)
How do you know the moms know? Kids plot & plan all the time without telling respective parents.

The mom definitely knows because she directly asked my DD (not me) if her DD gave her their phone number when we were leaving school. When I asked "why, did they want to have a play date or something?" her DD said "No, she's going to sleep over at my house." I found it really odd since I was seriously standing right next to the mom for a good 5 minutes before they started releasing the kids from class and she said nothing to me. It was just weird. I would think if my DD were talking about inviting somebody over for a sleepover I would probably talk to the other child's parents ahead of time, or at least give them my number and explain that my DD invited theirs when it happened instead of leaving it to the kids. Funny thing is, her DD didn't even write a correct phone number when I looked at it later. There were like 6 numbers written down, some backwards or upside down :giggle:.

rverrone11 10-04-2012 11:33 PM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
In that situation, I wouldn't let my DD go. It definitely depends on who the parents are, and also on the child''s personality.

My older DD will be 5 next month, and she has never slept away from us (not even in another room let alone someone else's house). We live in a very small town, and since DH and I are the teachers in town, we know all the parents. There is no way DD is going to have a sleepover at anyone else's home anytime soon (both because of the other parents and because she is simply not ready).

mjg2043 10-05-2012 04:44 AM

My dd is 8 and never been to a sleep over. So far jt hasn't even been a thing, and I am in no hurry for it to be. I would say don't send her.

raisingcropsandbabies 10-05-2012 05:12 AM

Re: When did/would you let your child go to a sleepover? (non-family)
 
I will only let the kids sleep over at houses where i know the parents.

The boys just had their first sleepover at a best friend's house and they were 3 (close to 4) and 5. They had a blast and did not want to leave. The kids are all the same age. A few weeks after that, the oldest got to sleep at another friend of mine's house.

We grew up having sleepovers all the time and going to sleepovers often. Some of my best childhood memories!


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