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-   -   Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way? (http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1450690)

3 ladybugs 10-05-2012 06:36 AM

Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
I have been doing a lot of soul searching and praying since I found out that one my embryos didn't make it last time I had my FET (found out 9/25). Adoption seems a logical choice to me should my last FET (sometime next month) not work out.

Yesterday I had a "light from heaven" moment and suddenly realized that a deaf child may be a very good fit for our family. I grew up blocks away from the WA state school for the deaf and have always been fascinated by the deaf culture. WA state approved ASL as a "foreign language" right before I needed to pick one in high school, so I took 2 years of it and LOVED it. Now I graduated high school in 1995, so I am a bit rusty when it comes to sign language as I don't know anyone who is deaf (hard of hearing is everywhere but they don't know sign language).

I emailed my father about this to see if I am totally nuts for even thinking this way. He took me to the WA state school for the deaf when I was so curious by these people that I would see speaking with their hands. I remember they gave me a card that had the sign language alphabet on it. He said that he could totally see me with a deaf child as I was so interested in the culture as a child.

I talked to DH about this last night and he isn't ruling it out but he is also not saying much about it. I think it scares him a bit, as he has never been exposed to the deaf community (grew up in WA but about 150 miles from me, we met here in NJ). I have said to him SEVERAL times that I wish he knew sign language as it would make noisy situations easier to communicate in. In fact last week we were at Chick-Fil-A and DS and I were in the play place and he wanted to know how DS was (DH was in the eating area). I signed to him how DS was but he didn't get it. :banghead: So it already is a bit of our family dynamic even if DH isn't quite there (DS never learned sign language either as DH could figure out his language at 3 months - maybe even earlier. Yeah I call DH a baby whisper!).

After my moment yesterday (which I have had a few moments like this in my life, including a time when I was basically told when I would meet DH) I feel like even if I get pregnant next month (still hoping for that) that this a way to complete our family. I always wanted 3 children and it would be a miracle if my last embryo survived the thaw and split (I honestly feel like it would be a miracle if it survived the thaw and implanted without splitting). DH said he wanted 3 children too so I am curious how things will transpire.

So when you adopted, did you feel called like this to go in a certain direction? I know I have a lot more prayer to do and I might be a big adjustment for members of the extended family (grandparents and so on) but we live at least 1000 miles from our nearest relative, so it wouldn't be a HUGE issue.

Finally, has anyone seen a child under 6 months that is deaf come up for adoption? I feel like this would be ideal for us though I may have to pray more about that issue and what would work for us the best.

crunch!910 10-05-2012 06:52 AM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
Yes. I absolutely feel called to adopt from foster-care. I specifically feel called to bless a child who has not had the easiest of lives. Hubby is terrified of the idea, however, and would rather do private adoption. I'm still waiting on God to put it in his heart as well. We have time... our boys have to become older, we have to buy our own home. I want DH to get snipped, but neither of us feel "done". But I KNOW that the only way I can see us expanding our family in the future is through foster-adoption. I'm done being pregnant and having csections. And the thought of blessing a child with a family and love moves me in such a tremendous way.

WynneBabies 10-05-2012 08:11 AM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
I do. It took me awhile to clearly see the path, but it is clear now.

I would think it would be difficult to adopt a baby who is deaf domestically. Not impossible, but remote. It's going to be difficult to find a baby. Your best bet would be a toddler internationally from a site such as rainbowkids.org.

newmommy13 10-05-2012 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WynneBabies
I do. It took me awhile to clearly see the path, but it is clear now.

I would think it would be difficult to adopt a baby who is deaf domestically. Not impossible, but remote. It's going to be difficult to find a baby. Your best bet would be a toddler internationally from a site such as rainbowkids.org.

My thoughts as well. How often do parents know about hearing impairment before birth or even 6 months? So many people are afraid of foster care but I think this is an area that you might be able to find what you are looking for. Honestly there are many things about domestic and international adoption that are very risky and scary and often I read about people adopting infants that they end up with drug exposure and other problems that are the reason people are afraid of foster care for. :dunno:

I would begin making contacts asap even if you aren't ready now or even on the next few years. See if any friends or family know any faculty members at the school, contact your local dcfs to ask about what would happen if a kid came into care that have any impairment, maybe even email some sites for special needs adoption as pp mentioned.

I think its awesome that your are considering your faith in this. Too many christians ignore that they have been called to minister to these kids.

I know sign as well and have worked with deaf kids and in the deaf community. They are a very tight knit subculture and many are weary of the hearing and their possible judgements. A lot of deaf people they do not view it as a disibility but a gift. For this reason alone I think you would have a hard time finding an infant whose parents (likely deaf also) would chose a hearing family to adopt their child. Theres a great documentary on netflix right now about brothers and one had chosen to give their deaf baby a cochlear implant. It tore the family apart. It went a lot into deaf schooling and the debate about the implant and immersion in regular school vs deaf school. Very interesting. I hope to become an interpreter when I grow up. :giggle:

newmommy13 10-05-2012 09:11 AM

Dp!

3 ladybugs 10-05-2012 11:09 AM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
I remember the deaf community being close and I can see why they would be like that. My thinking is that a child (if given antibiotics at birth) would know fairly early if they are deaf. My son was given antibiotics at birth (born via c-section and had a hard to adjusting to normal air) and he was tested before he went home. I guess I may be assuming that hospitals would test if there is a question. I guess I should also add that I am pretty close to the NJ state school for the deaf as well (lived here 7 years now and never knew till a few weeks ago). I also don't think a implant is right for everyone. Now if said child wanted one then I would move heaven and earth for them to get one, however I do know that if I adopted a deaf child, I would be adopting a deaf child that I would fit our life around, and not the other way around, if that makes sense.

Are there any countries that would consider me for a foreign adoption considering my history of cancer, assuming I got a note from my doctor saying I have a normal life expectancy?

I fear foster/adoption not because of the problems those children may have, but because I know how sensitive my son is, and he may not do well with having to say goodbye to the child. :(

FindingMercy 10-05-2012 12:00 PM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
I think you would know if a baby had hearing difficulties from screening done at birth, but with domestic infant adoption, most are matched before birth. So you would need a situation where the baby was matched, and the adoptive family backed out because of the results of the hearing screening. That seems pretty unlikely. I have a friend who adopted a deaf boy from China and I'm sure she would be happy to talk to you about their family's journey to that decision. PM me if you'd like her info.

I think you could find a country that would ok you for international adoption once you are a certain window away from being cleared of cancer. Or, I'm sure there's a child on a waiting list here in the US who's deaf and waiting for a family.

ETA: To answer your question. Yes, we absolutely felt very led to the type of adoption we did.

peightonmom 10-05-2012 12:26 PM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
We feel very called at this point in our lives to just do foster care...and are open to adoption if such case arises. I do feel called to adpot a downs symdrome child internationally as well somewhere down the road.

Chris10 10-05-2012 02:17 PM

Re: Religious people, did you feel called to adopt a certain way?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by 3 ladybugs (Post 15773859)

I fear foster/adoption not because of the problems those children may have, but because I know how sensitive my son is, and he may not do well with having to say goodbye to the child. :(

You don't necessarily have to foster to adopt from foster care. Lots of people only adopt. In my state you have to have the kids in your home for six months before finalization of the adoption (to make sure it's gonna work out), so you are technically fostering, but you *are* going to keep the kids when the six months is over.

If you let your social worker know that you want to adopt a deaf child, and you look at other states as well, you could eventually adopt one that becomes available. My dh's parents (both deaf) were looking into adopting a deaf girl (had 7 boys trying to have a girl), but ended up getting a divorce so the adoption didn't happen.


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