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Harmony96 10-10-2012 02:18 PM

It's official. I'm a failure.
And as a note, this morning happened after three GOOD weeks of him staying dry, going to the potty when I take him, staying dry for naps and nights and outings and even with other people, etc. (And really, he's been going to the potty off and on for his whole life since I did some elimination communication with him.) Then sometime in the past week or so, the accidents started happening, then became more frequent.

Today has been a total disaster. It started first thing this morning. DD was on the toilet, and DS (whose birthday is today) was standing nearby, crossing his legs to try not to pee, and crying. DD finished and I put him on the potty and then put his diaper back on afterwards (b/c I'm behind on laundry and wasn't sure where any of his undies were). After breakfast, when we were going to get dressed for the day, his diaper was soaked. I took it off and put undies on. Today is my day to get my shot, so we drove up to my appointment, and I took the kids into the bathroom first. Both of them denied needing to go, but DS started holding himself with his hand, so I intended to put him on the potty, but he'd already started to go a little bit in his clothes. After my appointment, he was holding himself again, so I took him potty again. Then right after we get home (and it's like a 40-minute drive to my appointment), I intend to change his clothes, so he's standing in the bathroom while I hunt down another pair of undies, and when I get back, he is soaked because he's peed through his clothes. I put undies on him and feed them lunch, then after lunch it's time for his nap, so I take him to the bathroom again before his nap, but he's already damp (and cold). I have him show me where he peed (so I could clean it up) and it was in the chair where he was eating lunch. I send him back into the bathroom to wait for me and I clean up the mess, then when I get back into the bathroom, he's standing in a puddle AGAIN! I clean him up and have him lay down so I can put a diaper on him. Then when he's in bed, I tell him that if he needs to go potty, he needs to tell me, and that I'm not going to take him anymore or give him undies anymore.

I can't. I give up. Potty training is stressful. Diapers are stressful. But right now, diapers are the less stressful of the two, so it's diapers again. I'm going to revisit potty training again in.... March or so, after this new baby's been here for a while and I can tell what our new normal is. Until then, though, I give up. I can't do this anymore. And I'm probably setting myself up for an even bigger failure in March since he'll be WAY older than the "magic window" and I'm doing this back and forth with him. But I just can't do it anymore. I can't.

TypeAMom 10-10-2012 07:11 PM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
I'm so sorry. Is he sick? I can't figure out why he'd have so many good days then a bunch of accidents. I know back and forth sucks, but my daughter's daycare (she goes part time) has the kids where undies and if the have 2 accidents then they switch to diapers which makes total sense as they have a bunch of kids to tend to. Then, they try again the next day. That might help as at least you won't be cleaning up accidents all day long. I'm not sure the back story, but has he had other bad days like this? Could it just be the day or do you think he's being stubborn?

Harmony96 10-10-2012 08:18 PM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
No, he's not been sick. I'm not sure what's going on with him. :( I went ahead and initiated a potty trip before church tonight and DH did when we got home, just before bedtime, and he was dry both times, so I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Bhavana 10-11-2012 01:58 AM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
So sorry Andrea. I guess you shouldnt stress yourself anymore about it. You have a precious pregnancy to take care of, and I think your stress-about Pting is beginning to show and that is affecting him. He's probably regressing because he's afraid to let you down/cant control.

Taking a break would be good.

BeccaSueCongdon 10-11-2012 03:08 AM

It does sound like you have a lot going on. Between the pressure of potty training, your other posts about your DD, your pregnancy, and in your siggy I see it says you lost a baby last year... Mama you've got a LOT on your shoulders. You stop that failure talk right now, you hear me? :-)

You're doing your very best, and you've got to take a deep breathe and let it be enough. Mothering is grueling, humbling, frightening work, especially when our littles are so small and messy and confusing, and our best efforts seem to miss the mark.

But potty training isn't about you. :-) it's not a measure of your failure or success as a parent, even if it feels like it is. It is super frustrating to have your child pee on himself. Damn skippy. But you can't control his pee, and he's still barely working that out so give yourself the grace Christ paid for, and pass it on to your kiddo. ;-)


Van1300 10-11-2012 06:30 AM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
My daughter who is almost 3 goes through phases where she "leaks" and can't seem to hold it. She's been potty learned for more then 6 months. Sometimes I think kids just have off weeks/days. I gave up on the night time PL for now and DD wears a pull up every night. She'll go a week without wetting and then wet for 3 nights straight. She was also leaking in her panties at school the first few weeks, even though she spent all summer at the same school.

I am also pregnant and will have a NB in dipes here in about 3-5 weeks. I figure any panties that get soaked will just start going in the dipe laundry. I'm happy to have her mostly potty learned. But I do worry about regression with the new baby.

Hang in there, I know boys are harder then girls and someday it will just "click"!

Harmony96 10-11-2012 06:11 PM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
Well, he held it for eight hours today. I kept taking him to the toilet regularly, and he'd sit there for a minute and play and do nothing, then finally say that he didn't have to go. I even put him in a regular diaper for his nap and he kept that dry, and didn't even go potty immediately upon waking, either. And finally, the first thing he did in the potty after his long hold was a poop. :rolleyes:

mdkissel 10-16-2012 09:16 AM

Re: It's official. I'm a failure.
I know my son had periods of time where he regressed. He would be doing great, and then BAM! lots of accidents. I wouldn't go back to diapers. Just keep at it. It will happen!

m0mof6 10-16-2012 10:02 AM

Having problems with constipation can cause accidents (and you might not even realize they have constipation). My niece was having problems with accidents for a LONG time (she's 7) and my sis thought it was stubbornness but it turned out that she was(is- they're working in it) severely constipated.

Also kids go through periods of regression as they learn new skills. YDS would be dry for a couple of weeks and then have a week where he would not make it to the potty all week. I'm hoping he's done with that now that he's in undies full time but...
I liked having him in trainers that held as much as diapers when he was having wet periods and then less absorbency when he was in a dry period. Much less stress.

Good luck.

BeccaSueCongdon 10-16-2012 10:12 AM

We had lots of regressions over the course of the 18 months we trained DS. He is 4.5 now and just last month he had a week where he soiled himself three times. He was as perplexed by it as we were. Then back to normal. I realized we'd gotten so comfortable with him just being completely potty independent that I had spaced on reminding him to sit and wait for poop.

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